


Visible In Hindsight

by infiniteworld8



Series: Visible in Hindsight [1]
Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blind Character, Developing Relationship, Disabilities, Drama & Romance, Flashbacks, Guilt, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Violence, Shame, Stockholm Syndrome, Thriller, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-06-05 21:52:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 73,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6724993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteworld8/pseuds/infiniteworld8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy's kidnapped and tortured for months by a crazed killer. After being rescued he has difficulties coming to terms with his ordeal and the guilt and shame he feels, meanwhile he's slowly growing closer to Ashley. Uncertainties are around every corner as Andy struggles to discover if Ashley shares the same feelings, and begins to heal. But everything isn't as clear cut as it appears, and conflicts arise as revelations come to light that are only <b>visible in hindsight<b>.</b></b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story Note: Tags will be added as the story progresses. This fic has a lot of potential triggers so please be aware.  
> This is our first collab together but hopefully the first of more. The story starts out dark and in many places remains so, but there's humour, angst, romance and so much more. Above all the story is about two people growing closer together against all odds. We're proud to present this work and hope you enjoy reading it as much as we have writing it! 
> 
> Bethylee: This story was originally going to be named Tainted & Scarred, and it fit...at first. Then the story blossomed and we had to change it. This is my darkest story yet :P Also good news, unlike Last Resort this story is finished and you wont have to worry about the author(s) randomly getting writer's block for a year and a half while she lets her plot bunnies go wild with other story ideas...The bunnies are relentless I tell you... But Anyways I hope you enjoy and if so, leave a comment telling us how much you liked it :)
> 
> Infiniteworld8: This is my first fic of this type and I'm super excited to share it with you. I had a lot of fun writing this and my coauthor has been a ton of laughs to work with. I'd also like to thank bethy for being the first fic I've read in this fandom. I started out as a beta for some medical stuff in the first chapter and then before I knew it I was writing the fic too.

  _“Andy's missing.”_

_“You're lying.”_

_“I wish I was.”_

_~BVB recording studio_

 

_“Where are you Andy?”_

_~Ashley Purdy_

 

_“Why aren't the police searching for him?!”_

_“There isn't enough evidence right now, it’s only been 36 hours.”_

_~Conversation between Jinxx and Ashley_

 

_“We're holding a candlelight vigil for Andy, you coming?”_

_“Yeah, I'll be there.”_

_~Random Twitter conversation_

 

_“Everything feels empty without Andy.”_

_“Yeah, the world feels like a darker place now.”_

_~Candlelight Vigil by the BVB army outside Andy’s apartment in LA_

 

_“There is no Black Veil Brides without Andy.”_

_“Are we going our separate ways then?”_

_“Yeah, I guess so...at least until he’s found.”_

_~Four weeks after Andy’s disappearance_

☽☀☾

The days seemed to drag on. He'd lost track of how long he'd been chained in his captor’s dark basement. Most of the time he spent curled up naked and shivering in the furthest corner from the basement door. He stayed on his ratty, stained mattress trying to ignore the smells of blood and urine soaked into the dirty bedding, and dozed in and out of tormented dreams and sometimes unconsciousness when the pain and hunger became too much.

He couldn’t move much. There was a chain attached to a collar around his neck and locked in place on the cement floor in the center of the room. It was just long enough for him to get a few feet away from the stairs to the basement, but not long enough that he could do more than pace a two or three steps before he was jerked to a halt by cold metal biting into his skin. The room itself was fairly large with a door to the right of the stairs leading to a small bathroom. The sight of which provided additional torment because while he could see a yellow stained toilet just inside he couldn’t reach it and was forced countless times to soil himself.

He was scared, miserable, and bored. It was bad enough that most of the time he wouldn’t eat for days, or his entire body ached from pain and cold, but the hours...maybe days (he had no real way of knowing) he spent with nothing to do wore on him. There were no decorations in the dank basement, unless you counted the dried stains of blood and other substances on the floor. The room was bare of everything that might have even provided some form of stimulation.

That was one of the reason’s Andy sang softly to himself. He’d whisper “In The End”, “Heart of Fire”, and “I Am Bulletproof” when he was sure he was alone, and as the lyrics fell from his lips he’d close his eyes and imagine that he was back on stage and everything that had happened was just a bad dream. He often ended up speaking to himself like a mantra, trying to tell himself that everything would be okay, or that someone would find him. Andy wasn’t sure that he believed those words anymore as the weeks grew and nobody came, but still he continued. Other times, Andy would daydream too sick and miserable to do more than lay there and remember better times of watching football with his cousin Joe, visiting his parents, Grandparents, having family meals together. He missed the camaraderie of his friends, the touring, the music writing, the sun and warmth on his face. Andy missed his cat Crow and absently wondered if Crow was being taken care of in his absence.

In the beginning of his captivity he was defiant against his “Master” (something that he adamantly refused to call his captor for the first few weeks), often talking back, cursing at him, refusing to cooperate, and screaming for help. After the first week his defiant attitude started to fade and as time went on and days became weeks without anyone coming to his aid he began to submit. There was only so much pain and agony that one body could take and at least this way he sometimes got a reprieve from the torture if he did what “Master” wanted.

“Master” was taller than himself with greying hair. He was strong and fit, the few times Andy had tried to overpower him hadn’t gone well as the man had rather effortlessly subdued him. Andy, usually never got to see Master in full light, he always saw the man in dim half light but what he did remember only made him feel worse. Master didn’t look particularly menacing, he had dark brown eyes, and a rather ordinary face.  

While, Master’s face was somewhat too normal to make a real impact, Andy could remember other parts of the man vividly.  He had become intimately familiar with some parts of his captor.  As time passed, Andy was close enough to memorise every facet of the man’s body because his “Master” often liked to take his frustrations on the former singer by way of rough ‘sex’, if he could call it that, and sometimes beatings.

The man seemed to especially love coming down to “play” with Andy when he was in a foul mood or after something hadn’t gone the way he wanted it to. Andy had the bruises and scars to show just how much the man liked to express his anger. But it wasn’t always pain.

There were times when Master would act lovingly towards him like bringing him upstairs to the rest of the house and eating a nice dinner with him, giving him a bath after beating him for having unintentionally soiled himself, taking him to bed and cuddling Andy after having sex with him, even rarely apologizing for beating him in turn causing Andy to feel very confused. Andy knew it was wrong but he was starting to feel something that bordered on a sickening affection for his captor. It only confused him more when he started to look forward to Master’s visits….not all the time, but sometimes he would find himself longing for the other man’s touch. He was the only human touch he could look forward to, Master controlled everything he did, whether he ate, when and where he went to the bathroom, whether he went to sleep miserable and cold.  Master provided pain and yet he was also Andy’s only source of pleasure. The whole experience should have overall made him feel violated, used, and dirty and at first it did. However, now he didn’t know what to think...now what he felt was a tangled mess as he thought of Master. He hated the man...and yet he didn’t.

Andy glanced up briefly when he heard the door open, trying to ignore the feeling of his stomach growling at him. He didn’t know how long it had been since he had eaten. Remembering his ‘Master’s’ training, he quickly looked down as he tried to hide in his corner. He'd learned early on that his Master didn't appreciate direct eye contact from him, unless he specifically asked for it. The man was silent, causing his heart to race and his mouth to go dry. There was something off about him in his demeanor, and it didn't spell good news for Andy. He watched his master carefully, noting that he wasn’t drunk this time when the guy walked over to the center of the room and undid the chain from the floor. _What was going on? What was he planning to do to him?_

“Come here, Pet.” Andy could feel his heart beating wildly as he slowly and shakily started to stand up. He had no choice but to obey and yet he was terrified. Either he was going to endure a beating, or some twisted version of what passed for affection from “Master” or even worse he was going to take him and--Andy forced his mind away but not before he had remembered one of the numerous times they had sex. It wasn’t his place to question what Master wanted, he just had to obey then it would be okay. Andy repeated those words in his head _just obey, and you won’t be hurt,_ and still his feet wouldn’t obey him. He could remember all the times obedience hadn’t been enough to save him from Master’s wrath.

Master growled when he didn't move fast enough and pulled on the chain, causing Andy to stumble forwards. “I said come here!”

“I-I'm s-sorry, Sir.” Andy's voice was quiet and hoarse as he hurried over to his captor with his head bowed. He flinched automatically when he felt the older man’s free hand cup his face gently.

“No, I’m sorry for being impatient, Pet. You’ve come so far from when I first brought you home. Everything will work out in the end, you’ve made so much progress. C’mon, we’re going upstairs, I’ve got something special planned for us.” His tone was softer, more loving than other times when he’d bring Andy upstairs. Andy’s stomach churned and at the same time his heart fluttered. He swallowed nervously as he allowed himself to chance a brief look at the taller man. There was a hard to read expression on his face, causing Andy’s thoughts to race at the implications. Was Master planning another session? Those sessions were never fun. They usually involved beatings, sex, and whatever else Master felt was necessary for Andy to _learn how to be a good pet._ This time he somehow got the feeling that those sessions would have been better than what was planned for him.

He allowed himself to be pulled up the stairs, down a hallway and into a room he hadn't ever been in before. It was bare except for a chair in the centre that looked like something you might see in a dentist office however dentist chairs weren’t bare metal with leather restraints. His Master motioned for him to get into the chair wordlessly. Andy stared at the chair with a sinking feeling and slowly started towards it, grimacing at the cold laminated floor that made his bare feet ache. If he didn't move on his own the consequences would be far worse.

The chair was cold and his naked skin stuck to the metal of the chair Andy tried to swallow his fear as he watched the man tightly strap him in. When everything was strapped in, with the exception of his head, the chain attached to his metal collar was released, causing a loud noise and heavy weight as the chain pooled into his lap. Next the man proceeded to strap Andy’s head to the chair.  When Andy saw his Master grab a wire contraption from somewhere off to his side, his eyes went wide and he started to tug on the bindings uselessly. He knew there was some fresh new hell in store from him, but the straps holding him down were too tight and there was no way he could get free.

“Do you know what this is, my Pet?” Andy shook his head as he stared at the device in apprehension. He gripped the armrests of the chair tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“N-no, Sir.” Andy didn’t take his eyes off Master as he walked closer until the man was standing in front of where he was bound. The urge to beg his Master to let him go was almost overwhelming, but he managed to swallow it down. He was terrified of what Master would do if he spoke out of turn, especially when he didn’t know what he was doing to him already.

“A Wire Speculum. It holds your eye open during surgery so doctors can operate. I thought of taking something else from you, but I decided your voice is much too pretty to destroy.” Andy gasped at that revelation and tried even harder to get out as the man brought the device close to his face. The fear he felt was like a wild animal trying to claw it's way out of his chest. What was he going to do to his eyes? Why was he doing this? What was the point of all this, was he planning on killing him?

“N-no. P-please d-don't do this. I'm b-begging.” The man growled at his pleas and slapped Andy across the cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. The sting of his cheek was making itself known from repeated smacks, but Andy tried to focus on Master’s actions instead.

“Did I ask you to speak, Pet? No. I taught you better than that.” Andy swallowed and allowed the regret and shame to show on his face.... _he had displeased Master._ He hated that he had started to develop such an attachment to Master that the thought of displeasing the man had him feeling worse than his own fear over what Master was planning.

Master turned to the table and grabbed a syringe, that Andy hadn’t noticed. He checked it and made sure there were no air bubbles squirting a bead out so it balanced on the end.  Andy twisted his head keeping track of the syringe as the man leaned down and tapped the bend of his arm. His skin was crawling at the contact of the man’s fingers but he couldn’t move. He could only watch helplessly as Master selected a vein and  slid the syringe in, injecting the contents of the syringe. At first he didn’t feel anything but within seconds he felt weird as the drug worked its way into his system. With panic, Andy realized he couldn't move as much, he felt dizzy and somewhat nauseated. His movements were sluggish and his limbs felt like they were filled with lead. The drug was working it’s way through him relaxing his body but it didn’t do much for the terror ripping through him. “Please.” He whispered begging for the man to stop even though he knew it would do him no good.

Andy cringed as Master raised a hand to his hair and stroked it back. The man’s fingers made his skin crawl as he toyed with the ends of Andy’s hair. “Relax, Pet, I have to do this.” Tears were leaking from Andy’s eyes against his will but he knew there was no escape. No one to hear him scream, no one to rescue him, all he could do was stare in horror as the guy grabbed  the wire speculum again and put it in place. “Good, good. Now for the other eye.” Andy tried to move his head a little to resist as the man grabbed a second contraption just like the first and put it in place as well. Just what was he planning on doing to him?

“W-why are y-you doing this?” His words were slurred from the effect of the drug but they were still understandable. “Master” didn’t answer at first. A sob made its way out as he tried unsuccessfully to blink his eyes. He flinched when fingers wrapped around his chin tightly, before they relaxed again so that they were cupping his face.

“You’ll know all in good time, my Pet.” Andy was forced to stare ahead as Master left the room without another word. He tried to calm himself down, but he knew it was useless. As he sat there alone, Andy realized that this was it. This was where he was going to die. He hoped eventually, someone would find his body and his parents, family and friends would be left wondering what had happened to him forever, He wouldn’t get to make any more videos with his cousin for Average Joe. He’d never get to see Crow again. He wouldn't be able to meet the fans, help people, or even have fun with the guys while on tour. He’d be dead. Gone. No more football games, no more records, no more anything.

Thinking about Ashley was the worst, he couldn’t help the tear that leaked out as he realized he'd never be able to tell Ashley what he felt about him. He would never get to see Ashley’s smile, or hear his laugh. He’d never be able to goof off with him while on tour, or have drinks together. No more 2AM prank phone calls together, no more silly pictures, no more philosophical talks together, or sharing tidbits of their lives. He’d waited too long to tell Ashley how much he meant to him ...not just as a friend but as something more--now it was too late.

When his captor came back into the room a few moments later, he was wearing a clear face mask, protective eyewear, and rubber gloves. With a terrified look, Andy saw the guy carrying a glass full of clear bubbling liquid and an eye dropper. Andy could feel the fear tearing at him. He wasn’t ready to die. He strained against the leather holding him, feeling his limbs barely move as he fought against the drug he had been given.

“I’ll be good. I promise. I promise whatever you want I--” Andy quickly spoke pleading with Master but the man ignored him. He set the glass container on the table and dipped in the eye dropper. Andy could smell a thick pungent odor wafting from the container, he twisted his head trying to watch as they guy filled the dropper.  When he had enough of the liquid he turned around and walked back to Andy.

His stomach contracted as Master neared, Andy knew that whatever “Master” had planned he wasn’t going to enjoy. “Please, please don’t do this. Please.” Andy begged again, hoping against hope that just this one time his pleas would actually be listened to. “I...I promise I’ll be good. I won't fight back anymore. I’ll-I’ll listen the first time. Please. I’m begging, I’ll do anything.” The man gave no indication he had even heard, instead he moved the chair tilting it backwards so Andy was half reclined and staring up at a single overhead light bulb. The glare was blinding, he could just barely make out Master leaning over him with the dropper poised.

Andy was crying, tears leaking out his eyes held abnormally wide. His words were becoming even more slurred but he tried one last night. “Please don’t hurt. Y-you said you wouldn’t anymore if I was good I--”

Master paused and raised a hand, Andy flinched expecting a blow and instead felt Master’s fingers petting his head. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I need to do this. You’ll understand one day.” Then his hands were gone and his voice returned to brisk resolve.“Now this may burn a lot, but it’ll be over quickly.”

Andy saw the first drop balancing on the end of the dropper, then it squeezed out. He convulsed and let out the loudest scream he could manage when he felt the liquid come into contact with his eye. He struggled against his bonds as he continued to scream, but was still weak and sluggish from the drug. The acid was burning his eye. It felt like someone was shoving a hot knife into his eye.

He couldn’t think about anything but stopping the pain. With a detached feeling he felt Master’s hand holding his face still as the man trickled a few more drops into his left eye before moving onto his right. The pain and burning was so intense that he'd rather have broken every rib twice over instead. He would have rathered die--anything to stop the pain.  As the acid burned his eyes, Andy found his vision clouding and becoming dark until he could see nothing. His voice was raw from screaming and he wanted to claw out his eyes from the pain, but he could do nothing but endure. “You know, Sulfuric Acid is my favorite. Completely irreversible.” He heard the words, but the nausea was coming back, worse than before thanks to the intense pain in his eyes. He swallowed thickly, trying to quell the rising bile. Instead he tried to focus on the sounds of his Master, wanting to figure out what the man was planning next, but he felt faint and was having difficulty doing so.

Andy listened silently, involuntary tears running down his face.. His voice had failed him, he was hoarse from yelling. He heard what sounded like the guy taking off the gloves. Moments passed in agony then he felt a cloth roughly blotting his eyes and some liquid was poured into his eyes. He whimpered expecting more pain, but instead some of the burning sensation left. He was still in agony but the pain was more tolerable. Instead of feeling better with some of the pain gone he felt worse, what had just happened had completely numbed his emotions. Blinding him was just the start, next would be something else--beating and whipping him into his whole body was bruised and bloody, or maybe fucking him until he was bleeding and sore, and then finally killing him. Andy was going to die and he had started to accept that.

Master sat Andy upright again. Even though he couldn't see anymore to know exactly what was happening, he knew his time was up. This was it. Despite his raw throat from screaming, Andy tried to speak. He wanted to at least know why his Master would do this to him before he died.

“W-why?” His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, but he heard a grunt from Master, signifying he had indeed heard him.

“Pain is a beautiful thing, my Pet. And like I said before, your voice is much too pretty to have taken away. Your screams are like music to my ears. You will always be my favorite. So beautiful you are. I want my face to be the last you’ll ever see and now it will be.” Andy felt a hand on his face, stroking his cheek that had been smacked earlier. “It won’t be long now, my Pet.” The hand on Andy’s face disappeared, then he felt the straps holding him being loosened. Once the straps were all undone, a hand cradled the back of his shoulders, while another slipped underneath his knees.

“W...where…?” His movements were still sluggish as he tried to move his head in the direction of his “Master”. Lifting Andy off the table, the man grunted. Not a moment later, they started moving to a destination that only his Master knew.

“Shhh, Pet. Don’t you worry about anything. I’ll take care of you I’m going to save you.” Andy opened his eyes, not realizing he’d shut them. It was a disconcerting feeling trying to adjust to permanent darkness. Moving his head away from the man, Andy blindly reached out a hand in a pitiful attempt to fend off his captor, but only managed to grab the cloth of his shirt in a weak grip. Whatever drug he’d been given was still in his system, making escape impossible. “Master” was still moving, his feet thumping against the floor as he walked. The movement was sickening without being able to actually see where he was going. It reminded him of the time Ashley had tricked him into a piggyback ride blindfolded, only instead of Ashley laughing as he carried him, he was being held bridal style in the arms of the man who was going to kill him.

☽☀☾

_“What’s your relationship with him?”  
“Uh..friend...my best friend.”_

_“When was the last time you seen him, Mr. Purdy?”  
“That-that morning. We’d made plans to go to a ball game together the next day.”_

_~Ashley Purdy with LAPD_

☽☀☾

It wasn’t long before they made it up another flight of stairs, to what Andy assumed was the second level of the house (a place he’d never been allowed). His mind was already playing tricks on him, imagining what new horrors were hidden on the second floor. Each new idea of what could be waiting for him caused more and more terror.

What Andy didn’t expect, was being laid down on a soft bed with satin bedding. The room was quiet with only the sounds of Master’s footsteps and the tick-tocking of a clock somewhere near his head. There was a sweet smell in the air, like vanilla or maybe even butterscotch. The sweet smell was a pleasant change from the usual disgusting odors of the basement. He struggled to listen as the sound of a drawer sliding out broke the silence of the room. What was Master doing now? Why was he in this room? It it hadn’t been for the fact that he was already so weak, thanks to the drug in his system, Andy would have attempted to run away.

“Where are you? Ah, yes here we go. Don’t worry, Pet. It’s all going to be over soon.” The drawer was closed a moment later and Master’s footsteps came back towards him. “I’m going to take care of you. We’re just going to get you dressed first.”

Master’s touches were gentle as he was helped to sit upright. The calloused hands caressed his skin as the cotton t-shirt was put on him. Once the shirt was on, he was lain back onto the bed. Next, Master lifted his feet and slid on a pair of underwear by lifting his hips up a little. Finally a pair of jeans were slipped on his hips and fastened.

“There. All dressed. Stay here, Pet. I’ll be right back to fetch you.” His Master’s lips pressed a kiss to his forehead, before his footsteps got further away. With effort, Andy managed to lift his arm to his chest, feeling the material of the shirt. All he could tell, was that there was a design on the shirt.

“N-no...p-please.” Grimacing at the rawness of his throat, Andy coughed and his fingers on his left arm twitched weakly.

The sound of water running caught Andy’s attention, causing him to scrunch his face in confusion. Why was his Master running a bath? Why did he dress him, if he was just going to give him a bath? Or was it for something else? Andy’s heart started thumping faster as he wished desperately that he could get his sluggish limbs to cooperate. Trying valiantly, Andy managed to flop his arm back onto the bedding, attempting to push himself in an upright position. It was a fruitless attempt with his lack of strength, but it didn’t stop him from trying some more. With a hitch in his breathing, Andy realized that he wasn’t ready to die yet. He’d thought he’d come to terms with the thought, but….not like this.

After what felt like forever, Andy had never felt so conscious of time before, footsteps came back to his side. The familiar hands of his captor slipped underneath him, and lifted him up, causing his stomach to roil at the sudden movement. This was really it. Breaths came out short and rapid as he started to hyperventilate. Hands grasped the cotton of his Master’s shirt weakly. He wished that he could actually fight back.

The water when he was set in the tub was surprisingly warm. A hand cradled his head as the rest of his body was submerged into the water gently. It was quiet with the exception of Master’s breathing. There was a faint smell of bleach, like it had recently been cleaned. That thought didn’t provide much comfort, however.

“We’re almost there. You’ll be perfect, my Pet. It will be over soon. I have to do this...for us. You’ll understand.” The hand that had been under Andy’s knees, moved and cupped his face, water transferring to his skin.

“Please...n-no.” Andy never got a reply as the hand moved away from his face and pressed against his chest. The panic he felt exploded like a caged animal as his head and torso were lowered into the warm water. Water filled his nose and mouth, choking him as he tried to scream. Burning filled his lungs as he was held under. Despite his weak limbs, Andy managed to lift his arms and try to claw at the arm. He knew he wasn’t doing any damage, as Master had made certain his nails were clipped and kept short at all times. Kicking out with his lead-feeling legs, Andy tried desperately to get some leverage to surface. The hand on his chest was firm and unmoving, effectively keeping him under. As he was kept under, his sudden burst of strength started to fade, as the lack of oxygen to his body affected him. When his consciousness was on the precipice of fading like a light, he was brought up from the water suddenly.

Coughing, Andy tried to take in as many lungfuls of air as he could. He could feel the hand from his chest move and smooth out his soaked hair from his face. His chest hurt from the coughing as he grasped the lip of the tub with the strength he had left.

“It will get better Pet. Don’t fret. I’ll take care of you. I’m sorry I have to do this.” Just as Andy heard those words, the man placed his hand back on Andy’s chest grabbing a fistful of his T-shirt. Knowing what was coming, Andy managed to suck in a quick breath as he was pushed under again. For the first few seconds, it wasn’t as bad as the first time. Soon, though his lungs started screaming for air, as he denied himself to breathe in the water. 20 seconds in, Andy finally opened his mouth trying to get air, but only managed to suck in water. He coughed and sputtered, his heart beating out of his chest in fear. Just as his consciousness started to fade once again he was brought out of the water. How many more times was he going to be forced to endure this torture?

Andy was given time to catch his breath a last time before he was dunked under again. Master continued dunking him repeatedly in the water then pulling out. Each time he was held under it was longer until Andy was coughing and choking, water streaming down his face and incomprehensible choked pleas for Master to stop falling from his lips. The man had a strange tone to his voice, almost sad as he whispered “I’m saving you.” Then Andy was plunged once again under. This time, Andy knew it was the final time, as even after 30 seconds he was still being held under. His consciousness dimmed as he struggled to get air. He fought against the drugs coursing through his system, kicking out or trying to, pushing at the hands holding him.  His leg snapped against the side of the tub as Master held him down and Andy felt a sharp pain, but even that wasn’t important. Andy could feel himself dying as every second passed. Despite his struggling, he soon felt as if he was floating on air, his head became fuzzy feeling. He couldn’t hold his breath any longer. His mouth opened against his will; Water was flowing into his mouth and nose, it burned and stung. He felt like he was choking. He was terrified. This was it… He was dying.

  
His last thought before he blacked out completely was of Ashley.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We do have a bit of a schedule planned for this story for uploading. After this week we'll most likely be posting chapters once a week :)

_“Lead Singer of popular metal band Black Veil Brides has been found alive. Story on page 2”_

_-Local Newspaper_

 

_“Black Veil Brides singer found.”_

_-Loudwire article online_

 

_“Metal artist found alive.”_

_Random online news article_

 

_“They fucking found him! He's alive! Fuck he’s alive!”_

_“You shitting me? Holy shit that's awesome! Fuck, I’ve never been so relieved.”_

_“Yeah, I can hardly fucking believe it. I'm going to the hospital he's at right now. I’ll keep you guys posted. Tell Jinxx for me, yeah?”_

_-Ashley Purdy to Christian Coma_

 

_“When can I see him?”_

_“He’s asleep right now, but I don’t see why you can’t go see him now so go ahead, Sweetheart.”_

_“Thank you so much.”_

_-Conversation between Ashley Purdy and a nurse_

☽☀☾

_“Hey Andy. I hope you can hear me. You have no idea how glad I am that you're back safe and sound. Please wake up soon. Please.”_

_“You know, I never gave up hope that you would come back to us safe and sound. I recently realized something... something I'd been denying for years. I need the chance to tell you, I want to tell you in person...Please wake up...please Andy.”_

☽☀☾

When he came to, Andy could hear a steady beeping. Andy groaned, or attempted to, as all that came out was a whisper of a grunt. His throat felt raw and his mouth dry as he tried to speak. There was a tube or something sticking in one of his nostrils too. He shifted or at least tried too and immediately stopped as pain ripped through him. His left leg felt heavy, like he had a cast on it and was aching bone deep. His entire body hurt, like he was one gigantic bruise. His neck was throbbing, both inside and out, it hurt just to breathe.

Tentatively, Andy tried to pry his eyes open, but when all he saw was darkness. At first he thought his eyes wouldn’t open then he managed to raise a hand up forcing one of his lids up. There was still darkness--Andy started to panic. The beeping behind him picked up, but all Andy could focus on was the fact that there was nothing in his vision. His eyes might as well have been gone for all the use they were...everything was dark. Why was his vision gone? He couldn't recall where he was either for that matter or why his voice was nothing more than a whisper. Footsteps quickly approached his hospital bed, causing him to panic. He didn’t know why but the sound made him terrified. Whoever it was, he didn't want them near him.

“N-no. D-don't touch me.” Even though his voice was merely a whisper, he tried to make it stronger even as he shrank away from the direction the person was walking in.

“Calm down you’re okay. We’re in a hospital. My name is Lily and I’m a Nurse here.” Her voice and soothing but for some reason he couldn’t relax even with her reassurances. He could feel panic rising.

“Why am I here? Why can’t I see? What’s this thing in my nose?”

There was a pause then the nurse responded. “That’s an NG tube, it’s so we could feed you while you were unconscious. You were in bad shape when you were rushed here. Your eyes were damaged--Can you see me?” Andy paused trying and failing once again to see anything but darkness. He could feel that his eyes were open but they might as well have not been.

“N-no. Everything is dark. Why is it dark? What happened? I don't remember anything.” There was another moment of silence...the kind people gave before they delivered bad news. Or the kind people gave when they tried to figure out a lie.

When she spoke next, the nurse’s voice was quiet, but sounded sincere. He felt like he could trust her. And what choice did he have really? “What is the last thing you remember?” Andy frowned as he strained to remember what had happened. He also didn't miss the fact that she'd skipped over his first question.

“I...remember walking somewhere. It was dark and I think I was heading back from the convenience store nearby or something. Then...nothing.”

“Nothing else?”

“What else am I supposed to remember?” Andy could feel frustration growing as she once again fell quiet. No doubt crafting another answer. Before he could ask Lily anything else she had started questioning him again. _Who was the president? What was his birthday? What state were they in? What was 7+7+4?_ Then he had to wait as she listened to his heart and lungs and made him do some exercises that made him feel stupid where he had to hold his legs up and his arms out as she checked his muscle strength. Finally, after what seemed like several minutes she said “Your vital signs are good, your heart and lungs sound fine. I--”

“Will you just tell me what’s going on?” His question sounded a lot like begging but at that point he didn’t care, he just wanted to know what was wrong with him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ll let the doctor know about your assessment and have him come in and talk with you. He’ll be able to give you more details about your condition” He heard some rustling then something that resembled felt like a remote with a cord attached was pushed into his hands. He felt warm soft fingers guiding his index finger to a button with a indentation. “This is your call button. If you need anything while I’m gone press this and one of us will come.”

“Wait!” Andy called out but he could already hear her footsteps fading away. Briefly he considered calling her back then decided against it. She said she had gone to get the doctor and that was probably the only way he would find out what was going on.

He played with the call button while she was gone and realised that the indentation was the letter “N” probably for nurse. He also figured out he could hear the voices and footsteps of people walking by and listened trying to figure out who it was based on their footsteps. As he did so he realised how he was basically helpless, an overwhelming sadness came over him. What if he never got his vision back? What if something was seriously wrong and he was blind forever?

Andy started to rub his arms shivering at both the thought and the chill of the hospital room. He had closed his eyes without realising it and opened them up again, forgetting that the action didn’t make any difference. Instead as he was met with darkness again he swore and felt around the bed searching for another blanket than the thin one covering his legs and half of his torso. His fingers met nothing and after a few seconds of fruitless searching he settled back resigned to the cold.

It was a few minutes of relative silence but it felt like hours before he heard a set of footsteps enter his hospital room. The footsteps were heavy but quick, like the person making them had somewhere to be. He also heard lighter footsteps a little farther away and guessed that Lily was returning as promised with the doctor.

“Hello Mr. Biersack, or is it Andrew?” Andy frowned at the question and the tone. The man sounded kind--too kind like he was about to say something terrible and was trying to soften the blow. Andy felt his eyes burning and hoped he wasn’t about to cry in front of this guy. Then he wondered could he still even cry.

“It's Andy.” His voice came out broken.

“Alright, Andy. I'm Dr. Valentine. I’m working on your case. The nurse here, Lily, tells me you can't see anything nor do you remember anything that happened to you in the last 2 months.” Andy moved his head to the left slightly as he listened to the sound of the guy moving closer to his bed.

“It's been two months!?” There was silence that met his outburst then the doctor spoke again, just as quietly and as carefully as he had been before.

“From the officers we talked to, it has indeed been just over 2 months since you were reported missing in Los Angeles. When you came to us you had sustained a lot of injuries. I’m going to ask you some further questions, but first I need to know if you remember anything at all. That’s very important.”

Andy shook his head, he couldn’t remember anything.

Dr. Valentine sounded relieved as he answered. “You probably have amnesia then.”

“How did I get that?”

“You were unresponsive when you came here. In fact you were a full arrest which means your heart stopped and--”

“I was dead?”

“Technically speaking.” The doctor paused, possibly to let give him a chance to ask further questions, but Andy was too shocked to ask anything else. “We had to intubate you for awhile until you could breath on your own, that’s why your throat is sore. Plus the NG tube you have in is probably aggravating it”

Andy didn’t even bother to ask further this time, he just listened trying and failing to fully comprehend what he was hearing.

“And some of  the drugs we found in your system are known amnesiacs...You’ll probably get partial memories for awhile, before you can remember stuff better--”

“Wait, what drugs? I don’t take drugs.” Andy felt like he had to defend himself, maybe it was his imagination but he felt like somehow this all was his fault. Like if he could just remember he could find out what he had done to cause it. “I didn’t do any of this.”

“I’m not saying you did, and we’re well aware the drugs you had in your blood weren’t intentional.”

He tried to answer but all that came out was a croak. His throat was still too sore and swollen and talking for as long as he had was too much. He tried again and could barely whisper. “Can I have some water...please?”

“Sure.” The doctor answered. “But take it slow. If you do well with some light liquids and ice chips we’ll see if we can remove the NG tomorrow and start you on a diet.”

Andy heard lighter footsteps again, then clicks that sounded something like ice clacking together.

“Here you go, Sweetie. Ice chips for your throat.” An ice cold cup was placed in his hand and he felt fingers wrapping around his hand showing him where to grip the cup. He felt like an idiot as he clumsily reached out with his other hand and tried to find the mouth of the cup to grab an ice chip. It took him two attempts before he managed to snag one and pop it into his mouth.  When the ice chip was in his mouth, Andy could have cried from the relief. His throat wouldn't be completely healed, he knew that, but at least he had some sort of relief from the soreness.

“Thank you,” Andy said turning his head to where he presumed Lily was as he sucked on the ice chip.

“You’re welcome.” She answered, her words floating out from just a little to the left from where he thought she would be.

“Alright before I go over your injuries, how do you feel right now? Do you have any pain?” Andy thought for a moment.

“A little. Throat hurts, leg hurts, bruises hurt. Or I'm assuming they're bruises. I can't actually see if they are or not.” He heard the doctor make a 'hm' sound.

“How bad is the pain?” If Andy was honest, the pain wasn't terrible.

“Not that bad.” Andy kept clutching the cup as he put another ice chip in his mouth. “Is there a place I can put this cup nearby?”

“Yes of course, here let me move your table so you can set it down on there.” Andy nodded and listened as the nurse pulled something out of somewhere and maneuvered it. A moment later he felt the nurse guide his hand so he could feel where the table was and set the cup down.

“Thank you again.” Andy felt around the small table to get a feel for it's size.

“No problem.” He heard a few footsteps as the nurse probably moved around in the room.

“Well Andy, when you first arrived you had a break in your leg, or more precisely your lower leg. Unfortunately you're going to be stuck on crutches for  a while. You also have quite a few cuts and bruises as well as some minor burns. Luckily nothing was life threatening. You did however, have a nasty infection when you arrived that is clearing up nicely. Your throat is probably going to be sore for a few more days....” Andy grimaced at everything the doctor listed off. After a minute he paused, and muttered “also…” He didn’t immediately finish the comment and Andy’s heart leapt into his throat. What else could be worse than what he was already hearing. When he paused, Andy's heart leapt into his throat.

“Why did you hesitate?” Andy heard the slightly panicked tone in his voice, as it cracked but he ignored it.

“Some of what I’m saying might trigger some memories for you. “ Valentine paused and continued his voice vehement. “If you remember anything about what happened, who you were with, I need to know as soon as possible so we can notify the police.”

Andy nodded wondering just what had happened, but Dr. Valentine was still continuing. “This is going to be hard for you to take in and I want you to know we have--”

Andy couldn’t take the tone, as the doctor’s voice grew more and more conciliatory. He just wanted the suspense over with. “Just fucking tell me already.”

There was a pause, then a hand on his shoulder which he instinctively flinched from pulling away from the doctor’s hand. The man cleared his throat then began. “You were raped. Probably a few times, brutally so.”

Andy felt sick but Dr. Valentine wasn’t finished. “We took an evidence kit and sent it off to the crime lab. We also didn’t find any evidence of STD’s at this point. However you will need to be retested. Also we put you on stool softeners, you’re going to be sore for a while. You had some anal and rectal tearing and some internal bruising.”

He could barely breathe, his breath felt like it was caught in his chest. “Raped…” Andy’s voice was only a whisper, as he tried to process what he was hearing.

Dr. Valentine cleared his throat and continued. “Additionally, your eyes were damaged with sulfuric acid. We believe the damage is irreversible. You’ll most likely be blind forever.”

“What?” Andy didn’t hear the reply because as the words began to fully sink in he knew he was going to be sick. He twisted his head to the side, vaguely aware of someone shoving a basin under his chin. He hadn’t eaten anything in days and only the sour acid of bile hit his tongue as he heaved.

_Raped. Blind. Raped. Blind._

The words kept replaying over and over in his head. He straightened up breathing hard and feeling dizzy.

A wet cloth wiped at his face, then somewhere to his right Lily said. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Numbly, Andy shook his head. He had a bunch of questions, but when he tried to ask the nurse anything more than basic explanations he was met with a gentle. “You’ll have to ask Dr. Valentine about what the full plan is for you. He’ll probably round again later tonight.” The blankets moved around him and he presumed it was Lily adjusting them. Then she was speaking again. “You’ve been through a lot it would probably best if you got some sleep or maybe you’d like to see one of your friends.”

“Who is it?” Andy sat up straighter.

“I think one of your bandmates. The one who reported you missing at first, Ashley Purdy. He's been pretty worried. Most days we can’t get him out your hospital room.”

“Where is Ashley now?” Andy took a deep breath to try to settle his rapidly beating heart.

“He told me he was going to get something to eat and make a few phone calls, while the doctor saw you. He should be back soon.” Andy nodded again, feeling relieved at least Ashley would make things feel a little more normal.

“Alright, I'm going to go ahead and let you rest.” Andy nodded, instinctively turning in Lily’s direction even though he couldn’t see the nurse. A moment later he heard quick soft footsteps as she walked out the room leaving him alone.

☽☀☾

Andy zoned out,  turning his head away from the door and towards the rest of the room. It didn’t really matter which way he faced since he couldn’t see anything but for some reason it creeped him out that people passing his room would see him through the open door and he couldn’t see them. He was tired but more to the point he was having difficulty processing everything. He was ruined, blind, and the worst part was he still didn’t know what exactly had happened. Dr. Valentine in his medical monologue through which Andy had zoned out at the end had failed to mention just what the exact cause of his multiple injuries were or just exactly why the police were involved. Whatever it was couldn’t be good. Andy couldn’t help thinking about all the uncertainties, terrible scenarios running through his mind without him having any idea of what was true.

He was so zoned out that he didn't hear footsteps come into his room or that they stopped suddenly.

“Andy? You're awake?!” Andy jumped at the sudden voice and pushed himself up in bed, moving away from the noise.  

“Whoa, calm down man.” Andy relaxed as he recognised Ashley's voice.

“Ashley? Is that you?” He frowned in confusion when he heard a gasp coming from the older male. “What’s wrong?”

“Fuck, your eyes.” He heard the footsteps come closer then. “Sorry, they told me what happened but shit. I just never saw them like this”  Andy felt his face contort into a confused expression, he knew he was blind but he wondered what exactly he looked like.. What was wrong with his eyes?

“What about my eyes? The doctor mentioned something about sulfuric acid, but I don't remember anything. He didn’t say what they looked like.”

“The skin is sorta scarred around them. I think it’s the acid because you've got a scar coming from one eye kinda like a tear trail and your eyes are whitish-gray with some red streaks...it looks a little weird.” Ashley paused and added. “I just got startled that’s all.”

He didn’t want to dwell on his appearance so he asked his next questions. “Have I really been gone for 2 months?” Andy turned his head towards where he thought Ashley was as he heard the footsteps get closer until a hand rested on his arm. He heard Ashley sit down in some sort of chair next to him.

“Yeah. You have. Right before they found you, we all started to think that we'd end up with a body. I can't believe you're awake. I've been so worried that you wouldn't wake up again. We all were” Andy wiped at his eyes gingerly as he listened to Ashley's wavering voice. He could tell that Ashley was close to tears.

“Where are the others?” When Ashley didn't reply quickly, Andy started to get worried. “Ash?”

“We split up Black Veil Brides when you were missing. We....we didn't know if you were coming back and there's just not BVB without you, Andy.” Andy went numb at Ashley's words, his eyes burning. BVB was over? Somehow that just made things worse. It wasn’t just because BVB was more than just a band to him, it was because it made everything worse knowing he couldn’t even walk back into what was his old life like nothing had happened.

Ashley continued on, unaware how much he was affecting Andy. “Jake's been working with his fitness brand, Jinxx doing a solo record or something, and CC is filling in drums for another band.” After Ashley was done, Andy bowed his head and let the tears fall. He felt like he failed his fans and the guys, and yet what could he have done. It wasn’t like he had asked for any of this to happen.

“Man, I’m sorry. We wanted to…” Ashley trailed off and Andy instead felt his hand on his shoulder and then a piece of tissue shoved into his hand. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat trying to pull it together again.

“W-what about you?” Andy grimaced at the break in his voice. He heard Ashley clear his throat.

“Oh you know...things.” Snorting, Andy wiped at his eyes and then shook his head.

“That's not a proper answer, Ash.” Andy smiled softly in Ashley's general direction.

“Honestly? I was spending most of my time looking for you and worrying. I kept hoping they'd find you.” Andy  knew he and Ash were friends but until that moment he hadn’t realised just how deeply the other man cared.

“I think I pissed off the police. They took me away in handcuffs when I accused them of not doing enough to find you.” Ashley gave a half laugh and added, “Probably didn’t help I threw a soda cup at one guy who said you deserved it for making bullshit music. The night in lockup was worth it. Anyway I’m just happy we found you and you’re okay.”

He was not okay but Andy didn’t say that. Instead he said, “Thank you.” He really wished he could see Ashley's face again. “I wish I could see..” Andy fiddled with the edge of the blanket that was covering his lap.

There was awkward silence as Ashley no doubt tried to figure out what to say to that comment. Andy wished he hadn’t spoken as the silence stretched. Abruptly a question occurred to him..

“Have you heard anything from my parents?”

“Yeah, they’ve been in and out the whole time you’re here. They finally left to get some rest a few hours before you woke up. Your mom freaked out when she found out what happened. I’ve been keeping them calmed down as much as I can. ” Andy smiled thankfully in Ashley's general direction, he knew how difficult it was to calm down his mother when she was worried.

There were a few moments of peaceful silence between them with just the beeping of the monitor somewhere behind him. His thoughts drifted to Crow and a stab of fear hit him. If he had been gone for two months what happened to his cat?

“What about Crow? Did someone make sure to feed him? Is he okay?”

“Yeah I uh actually took him in after the first week you were...missing. He and my dogs are getting along but, I don’t know that he cares for me too much though. The little fucker’s scratched me so many times I’m lucky I don’t have cat scratch fever.” Andy raised an eyebrow at that. Usually Crow was pretty mellow, but then again he didn’t think Ashley was much of a cat person (from what he’d gathered).

“Well, thanks for taking him in..” Silence fell over them once again.

He was beginning to feel really tired, the cumulative effects of probably a few pain killers, whatever else they were pumping into him and general exhaustion made him feel sleepy. But he knew he couldn’t sleep until he had one last question answered.

Probably the worst question yet, but he had to know the answer.

“What happened while I was gone those two months?”

“I already told you, Andy.”

Andy could tell Ash was being evasive. “Don’t lie to me, I know you’ve got some idea at least of what happened. Please just tell me man.”

“Andy, you just woke up for the first time today. You’re lucky to be alive just wait until--”

“I want to know now!”

He didn’t mean to yell but the words came out that way. There was a sharp intake of breath from Ash’s direction then a sigh. “Okay.

Ash’s next words were hesitant like he was trying to figure how to phrase things to spare Andy as much as possible. “The police don’t know it all, yet. But this guy held you in his house for about two months. They say he’s some sort of serial killer creep. Apparently he keeps his victims for months _purifying them by torturing them,_ then he kills them by drowning...his version of a baptism….you know what the fucking church says... _all who die in a state of grace are saved_...apparently he believed that. The cops think you weren’t the first person he kidnapped but I don't think they have proof yet. ”

Andy, felt his breath catch in his chest, he felt terrified as Ash continued talking. Only Andy had no idea what he was afraid of, it was like his fear was an instinct...or a reflex.. He was breathing fast and yet it felt like he couldn’t draw in enough air. Ashley's hand was once again on his shoulder, touching him. “Calm down, should I call the nurse?”

Andy managed to shake his head no, then slowed his breathing enough to answer. “No, just--just tell me the rest.”

Ashley hesitated like he wasn’t sure he wanted to continue but ultimately he started up again. “They caught the guy. But he beat the shit out of you, burned you, cut you, drugged you, a whole bunch of fucked up shit. They caught him as he was drowning you.”

Andy sank back into himself. Ash knew most of it...he knew the pieces Andy didn’t but he didn’t know about the rest. The rape... _the rapes_. At least he didn’t remember it, Andy tried to console himself. It wasn’t much of a consolation. He couldn’t help thinking that the memory was going to come back of that and probably a whole bunch of other stuff he didn’t want to remember.

Ashley, broke him out of his reverie. His voice was hesitant. “You really can’t remember anything about what happened?”

Numbly, Andy nodded.

“Well it’s probably for the best man.”

“Yeah. “ Andy forced himself to agree. He just felt cold and sick inside. He wanted to curl in on himself and forget any of this had happened. He wanted to wake up and be able to see, play with the band and be who he was before all this had happened. But he knew that wasn't possible. So instead he turned away from where Ashley's voice was and said “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.”

“Yeah, sure.” He felt a hand pat his shoulder then. “I’ll be right here if you need anything man.”

Andy needed something but Ashley couldn't do provide it. He couldn’t fix what had happened. Andy fell into an uneasy sleep.

☽☀☾

When Andy woke up he could hear light snoring to his left. Andy automatically opened his eyes trying to see who was there. Then reality set in as his memory came back of his conversation with Ash and his life now. He wanted erase the last two months, but he knew that wasn’t possible. All he had was there here and now, he could choose to mope or he could choose to try to overcome the challenge. Andy chose the latter.

So, he crushed down the frustration at not being able to see and stretched out a hand. He felt a soft fabric under his hand, and the tips of hair, but he couldn’t tell for sure if it was Ash or not. It was kinda of creepy now that he thought of it, but now that he listened the snores and breathing sounded familiar. He had slept in close quarters with the others many times and didn’t realise it until now how well he knew them. But now he was almost sure it was Ashley sitting somewhere off to the side of him.. He was grateful for Ashley's company, the man had stayed with him throughout the night, offering his silent support by just being there. He wasn't sure what he would have done with himself if he had been alone. Absently Andy started to wonder what time it was.

It wasn't long before he heard the familiar soft footsteps of his nurse, Lily.

“Good morning boys. Just doing a check up, I’ll get your vitals and and do a super quick assessment..” Andy heard the sound of Velcro being undone, as Lily wrapped the blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. He felt the pressure and a few seconds later the blood pressure cuff was being taken off again. Then she went the routine of  the checking the IV line he had realised during the night was in his the side of his neck, next she checked his heart his lungs. As she worked she talked. It was polite nurse chatter, but he was grateful that at least she was acting normal and not treating him weird for what had happened or even because he was a famous singer. He loved his fans but sometimes he just wanted to talk with someone without them mentioning every few minutes that he was the “famous Andy Biersack.”

“So how’d you sleep?”

“Okay I guess.” Andy didn’t say much more, his sleep had been restless. Dreams of what Ash had told him had haunted his night.

Lily seemed unfazed by his quietness. He felt a cold piece of metal touch his chest and she said take a few deep breaths then was quiet as he did so. Abruptly she pulled away and he heard her moving around his room. “I’ve got good news. Dr. Valentine says we can pull the NG today.”

Andy didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to fist pump and be like awesome this tube shoved up my nose can come out? “Okay.”

He heard a slight sigh. And Ash’s voice said. “You could act a little more excited that means you can actually eat something dude.”

Andy didn’t speak. He couldn’t bring himself to be interested. So what he could eat, his leg was broken, his whole body ached (even worse than the time he had broken his ribs and continued a concert all without pain meds), and all the drugs he had been given were making him feel sick and a bit dizzy.

“I’m going to hang your antibiotic now.” He heard beeping and then she was turning the wristband he had on. “How’s your pain on a scale of 1-10.”

Andy didn’t like to complain (even though he did  a lot anyways as the band could attest), and he didn’t really want more meds in his system especially with all the ones he had but he was really hurting. “I don’t know maybe a seven. It’s kind of all over.”

“I’ll get you something for that. Anything else?”

“I feel kinda sick, like I’m about to puke.”

“You’re on some strong antibiotics. They tear up a lot of people’s stomach. I’ll get some zofran...Any questions?”

Actually now that Andy was more awake he felt a more pressing problem he hadn’t really noticed yesterday with everything going on. He felt his face growing warm. “Uh--Um.”

He really didn’t want to say with Ashley in the room, but it was really uncomfortable. In the end he blurted it out. “I’ve uh--got a straw or tube or something up my dick.”

He heard Ashely start laughing and stifled giggles that could only be the nurse. Her voice sounded breathless as she responded. “It’s a catheter so we could measure your urine output and make sure everything was working well. Now that you’re awake we should be able to take it out.”

Andy could feel himself blushing more. “Okay. Thank you.”

Her voice still sounded like she was trying not to laugh as Lily said. “I’ll be back in a bit guys.”

After a few seconds, Lily walked back out of the room leaving the two alone.

“Really classy Andy...I’ve got a tube in my dick.” Andy could hear Ashley laughing. “What did you think it was? That they just decided to stick a rod up there for shits and giggles. Maybe the nurses were having a conversation about how long the great biersack schlong was and they decided to measure or something. You’ve got a way with girls even when you’re unconscious.”

“Hey Ash?” Andy said.

“Yeah.”

“Shut up.” Andy’s voice wasn’t angry but he couldn’t help being irritated for some reason at what Ashley had said. The last part made his heart sink...You’ve got a way with girls….like he didn’t think Andy would want anything less. Like he didn’t get the feelings Andy had been fighting for awhile now.

To take his mind off what he was thinking he asked. “So what’s the plan for today, besides all these fucking tubes coming out.”

“The guys are coming to visit. I left a message for all of them yesterday after you went to sleep, told them you woke up finally. Jinxx and Jake said they'd be around later today. CC's currently out on tour with a band for another month, but I'm sure he'll want to see you.” Andy nodded feeling a little better.

“What time is it?” Andy tilted his head as he waited for Ashley's reply.

“A little after 6 AM.” Andy nodded in acknowledgement.

☽☀☾

“Ah, Andy. I'm glad you're still awake. Occupational therapy is here, but first I’m going to get you fitted for a set of crutches.” Andy looked up and nodded in the direction of Lily's voice. He had had an exhausting morning so far. Lily had come back shortly and given him a cocktail of meds, that taken the pain away but still left him kinda nauseated. Then she another nurse called Sara had pulled the urinary catheter and NG out. He was grateful the tubes were gone but was sore where they had been.

Next his family came and he had to listen as his mother cried and asked him how he was and generally made a fuss. When he had managed to convince his family to leave him for a few hours he was really tired. To make matters worse by that time he had to piss and it felt like he was urinating around shards of glass when he used the urinal the nurse provided. He felt fucking useless as he tried to get everything adjusted and spilled some of the urine on the bed, necessitating a linen change. Thankfully, the nurse hadn’t said a word about it except to help him change his hospital gown and to put on new sheets and a blanket, but he still felt embarrassed.

Now he wanted to sleep but he knew that wasn’t an option. Lily was moving around adjusting stuff. He listened as her shoes tapped as she came to the side of the bed. There was a noise of something metallic clinking against the bed. “Alright I'm going to guide you off of the bed so we can get these crutches adjusted for you. Don’t worry about falling, I’m here and your friend Ash is going to be on the other side.”

Absently, and a little jealousy if he was honest he wondered when Lily had decided she could call Ash that instead of Ashley.

Andy sat up straighter and let two sets of hands guide him so his legs were dangling off the side of the bed.

“Okay, now what?” Andy gripped the sheets on the bed in nervousness. He felt weird sitting on the edge of something with no idea how far the floor was. He trusted Ash to make sure he didn’t do a face plant but it was still getting off something when he could be several feet from the ground for all he knew.

Lily added unhelpfully. “Don’t be scared, we’ve got you.”

“I’m not scared.” Andy said sounding more angry than he intended, but the nurse didn’t comment instead Lily encouraged.

“Alright go ahead and slide forward a little bit. Make sure to put your weight on your right foot, not your left, okay?” Andy was thankful that her voice was calm, and not hesitant. It made the whole task seem a little less daunting.  

“Okay.” Andy scooted forward slowly until he could touch the ground with his right foot. Slowly and carefully he got off the bed, putting his weight on his good leg as Lily and Ashley held him steady.

“Good, job. You're doing excellent Andy. Now I'm going to get Ash here to steady you while I go ahead and adjust these crutches for you.” Andy nodded and let Ashley rest a hand on his elbow as he steadied him.

“Excellent. Alrighty, let's get these babies adjusted.” There was more clickings and some thunks, then Lily footsteps came back. “Try these.”

After a few seconds Andy was leaning heavily against his new crutches. He took a few hesitant steps, having not used crutches before. Thankfully Ash was helping him along with his nurse, both of them staying close as he moved. Once he was more confident with the crutches Lily said he could stop and by that time Andy was more than ready. His legs felt really weak and he supposed that was normal after lying in bed for a week, but he still hated having to lean on Ashley just to walk a few steps.

Okay, if he was honest he didn’t hate that part...he just hated feeling weak. Ashley and the nurse helped Andy back to bed and then she left to get occupational therapy, leaving Andy and Ashley in the room alone once again.

“It felt nice to actually be able to get up and walk around. My arms were kinda shaky though.” Andy frowned and fiddled with the cloth of his hospital gown.

“Yeah, you've probably gotten weaker That sick fuck certainly didn’t care about taking good care of you..” Andy shrugged, not really wanting to talk about what had happened. Instead he said:

“Thank you.” Andy looked in the direction he thought Ashley was.

“For what?” The confusion in Ashley's voice was evident.

“For being there for me. It...it means a lot to me.” With a grimace Andy realized that his voice had cracked again.

“I'm just glad you're safe and back with us.” Andy smiled softly in Ashley's direction.

“Me too.”


	3. Chapter 3

Andy pushed his hair back out of his face and made a face. His hair hadn’t been cut in months and was long enough that it was past his shoulders, but he had no way to put it up and out of his face. He'd found that, even though he could no longer see, hair in his eyes and face still sucked. He also had realized with disinterest he still hadn't grown much of any facial hair, even after two months of being missing.

With a deep sigh Andy let the thought go and waited for Ashley to get back. Jake and Jinxx had arrived at the hospital at the same time and Ashley had gone to go meet them. Andy was excited to have them there, but also anxious. He wasn't sure how they would react to him and felt self conscious of his appearance. He was sure he looked like hell. He was still bruised, and had cuts everywhere. His leg was in a cast and he had an IV line poking out his upper neck and only half concealed by his hospital gown. Plus his face near his eyes was probably scarred forever. He couldn’t do anything about that stuff but he could at least keep them from seeing his ruined eyes. From what Ash had told them they sounded like something from a nightmare horror movie.

It wasn't but a few minutes and Andy heard Ashley's footsteps followed by two others. He sat up straighter and looked down closing his eyes. After a second, Andy felt a hand on his arm, causing him to look up.

“Hey.” Without thinking, Andy opened his eyes at the voice and immediately heard two sharp intakes of breath.

“Yeah it's me. Jake and Jinxx are here.” Andy smiled nervously and fiddled with the blanket over his lap. He closed his eyes but he knew they had already seen.

“Fuck Andy. What happened to your eyes?” With a fractured smile, Andy took a breath. He didn’t want to tell them. Ashley took over before he could speak.

His voice was tight. “I told you guys remember? Acid in the eyes. it's irreversible.”

“So you’re blind?”

“Yeah, he’s blind you idiot.” Ashley snapped at Jake.

Andy frowned. “Ash calm the fuck down.”

Jinxx added after a moment. “That's awful. I'm so sorry, Andy. It is good to see you alive though. I kept worrying every call while you were gone was someone asking me to come ID your body..” Andy smiled at Jinxx’s typical directness and pulled some stray threads out the hospital blanket.

“It's...hard to get used to the fact that I'll never be able to see anything again. I have to learn a lot of stuff over now too. A guy called an Occupational therapist came in and showed me how to do some things like find my way around a little, and stuff. I have to see him for awhile the doctor said. It probably would have went a lot smoother if I didn't have this cast on my leg though.” Andy pulled the blanket off of his leg to show the cast. He heard Jake make a noise and tried to cover his foot up again.

“Jeez, what happened?” Andy shrugged and tilted his head down.

“I don't remember. The doctor says it's amnesia. If I'm honest, I don't think I want to remember from the injuries and stuff that the doctor listed.” Andy's voice was quiet as he recounted the doctor's words, he could hear the others breathing harder when he finished. And suddenly he regretted telling them. He didn’t want to answer their questions. He was grateful neither they nor Ash seemed to know about the rape. He didn’t want his friends thinking of him like that...weak and just a piece of trash to someone else. Instead of giving them time to recover (and possible ask him more questions)  Andy faked a smile and said. “So Jake, what’s up with you? How's Get Mean Fitness going for you and Yanni?” Andy listened for Jake's reply, noting the hesitation, at the abrupt change in subject.

“Uh, it's doing well actually. I started to produce the record of another band too actually. Mostly to keep busy. Me and Ella actually called it off while you were missing too.” Andy frowned at the news. He'd liked Ella. The two of them had made a good couple.

“I'm sorry. What happened?” Andy's voice was soft as he tilted his head in the direction of where he assumed Jake was sitting or standing.

“Just different places career-wise and personally, really. We still love each other, it was just hard too hard to maintain the relationship. Neither of us had time for each other any more, and then you went missing and I was more worried about you then making things work. So...” Andy bit his lip as he lowered his head in shame. He felt like a burden.

“Before you go blaming yourself, none of this is your fault Andy. Remember that. I'm pretty sure you didn't ask to get kidnapped and held prisoner.” Andy gave a half smile he didn’t feel in Jinxx's direction in appreciation.

“Yeah I guess I know that, it’s just hard for me not to feel like I should have been able to keep all this from happening. Plus, I can’t do shit now on my own.  I feel fucking useless. Now I need help with the most basic stuff.” Andy took a deep breath and tried to calm himself but he knew the others heard the anger in his voice. He shifted in the bed trying to get comfortable.

There was a long pause then Jake said. “Chris will be happy to see you when he gets back.” Andy forced a smile in Jake's direction.

“I hope so. Ash told me you guys split the band, huh?” Andy tried not to sound bitter and depressed, but was unable to keep the tone out of his voice completely. He scratched his arm absently, like he really didn’t care about the answer, as he waited for the reply.

“Uh yeah. It didn't feel right without you in it and we had honestly been expecting a body at that point, we couldn’t go on stage or whatever while you were probably lying in a ditch somewhere or something...It wouldn’t have been right.” Andy knew Jake was just being honest but his words hurt.

Ash must have sensed it because Andy heard Ashley mutter something he couldn’t quite make out. Then Jake said in an undertone. “Me? Have tact? I’m just being honest man, you’re the one who needs to get some fucking tact. What’s up with you coddling him? Andy wants honesty.”

“You know what fuck you and--” Ashley was saying something else, but Andy couldn’t hear what it was because Jinxx was quick to overtalk them speaking louder and drowning out the quiet half-whispers. “Yeah, with you missing, our hearts just weren't in it, knowing that you were out there hurting or dead and we were living our dream without you, it just didn’t feel right.” Andy nodded. It hurt that BVB was no more but there was still hope.

“So do you guys think we might start up again...eventually after all this is sorted out?” Andy asked.

It was Jinxx who spoke first. “Of course. I don’t see why not.” Jake added. “Definitely...things are kinda boring without BVB. The sooner we get back on the road and in the studio the better.”

“Cool.”

Andy felt a hand on his back and somehow knew it was Ash. The man’s voice was soft. “The important thing is that you get better. Everything else can wait till after that.”

Except everything couldn’t wait. It was 4pm and after eating a late lunch that consisted of nothing but mostly liquids (he guessed he should have said drinking a lunch) he was exhausted and a bit sick. The broth and jello had stayed down, but just barely. Lily, the nurse said that was normal because his body would have to adjust to regular food again and because apparently his protein, electrolytes and a whole bunch of other tests were off after his captivity. Now, he was sitting up in bed sipping on some sort of supplement drink that was supposed to help him gain weight and replenish the nutrients he had lost; the flavor was grape or so he had been told. But it tasted like grape flavored vitamins and ass...not that he had tasted ass before.

His parents had come again and they were somewhere in the waiting room outside the ICU. Ashley was in a chair somewhere to his right, and the atmosphere was somber. They were waiting for the police to get there. They had heard he was awake and  wanted his statement and to ask him some questions. Andy wasn’t sure how much help he could be, he couldn’t really remember anything substantial. While he had been sleeping last night he had dreamed, little fragments, someone called master, a dirty basement...he had no idea was it something he had conjured up in response to what he had heard of glimpse of what had happened.  

Andy heard footsteps. Two heavy firm steps and a lighter quicker stride then his mother’s voice came within hearing. “If you’re going to question him, can one of us stay with him?”

“During some parts of the questioning.” A male voice answered, who must have been a police officer.

“He’s blind. He’s probably scared someone needs to stay with him--” Andy sighed, no matter how old he was he was always his mother’s little boy...sometimes (like now) it was fucking annoying.

He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, whatever it was must have mollified his mother somewhat because by the time the footsteps were near all was silent. Andy listened to footsteps enter the room and set up straighter, turning his face towards where he had figured out the door was. He kept his eyes closed though, he knew the way they looked really bothered his mother.

“Hello Andrew Biersack.” a male voice called out.

“Andy” He quickly corrected.

The man corrected himself. “Andy...I’m officer Cole and with me is Detective Langforth we’re both from the LAPD. We heard you’re doing better and would like to ask you some questions.”

“Sure.” Andy added. “I don’t remember much though.”

“That’s okay” A new voice spoke who Andy assumed was Langforth. “Just tell us what you can remember.”

“Okay.”

He was trying to figure out a tactful way to say it without hurting his mother’s feelings but Officer Cole beat him to the punch. “Mr. Biersack...sorry, Andy, do you want your mother in here or your friend?--”

“Ashley Purdy, we’re bandmates too.” Ash added helpfully,

“Mr. Purdy in here while we question you.”

Andy hesitated. He didn’t want to be alone with these two strange guys even if they were police officers...but he definitely didn’t want his mother to hear the exact details of what happened….or even Ashley to hear _everything_ about when he was captive.

Once again the officers seemed to sense the cause of his hesitation. “You can choose to have someone stay and if at any point you want them to leave that’s fine also.”

“Okay...Ash can stay.”

“Andy, I am your mother--”

He sighed, he already knew  what she was going to say and he headed her off. “This is hard enough without you here.” He softened his voice. “Please mom, just let me do this, I don’t want you hearing all this.”

He heard her sniffing but then footsteps came closer and he felt a kiss on his cheek before she whispered. “Okay.”

There was the sound of more footsteps then the room door closing shut. Chairs scraped across the floor and then Officer Cole started. “So what’s the first thing you remember?”

They went through a series of question. _What did he remember? Where was he?_  And a ton of other questions. Andy learned the name of the guy that had kidnapped him and a whole bunch of other stuff, but nothing was making him remember. They sounded irritated and frustrated as he kept having to say “I don’t know” He heard one of the officer's rifle through something and then heard papers being placed on his bed side table. “Maybe if you look at these pictures it’ll jog your memory.”

“He’s blind--” Ashley snapped. He didn’t actually say it but Andy heard the unspoken _asshole_ at the end.

Officer Cole sounded embarrassed as he apologized. “Sorry, I uh--” He cleared his throat.

Andy straightened up. For most of the interview he had kept his head down, in deference to how he knew he looked but now he looked up, opening his eyes, so the cops could see. It was subtle _fuck you_ for how they were acting, like he was purposely ruining their investigation. “It’s cool.” he answered. But his voice had a hard edge.

The cop still sounded embarrassed and Andy didn’t care. He was beginning to realise that somehow some way this guy wasn’t taking this really seriously, like maybe he thought Andy had wanted  to be tortured and kidnapped. He could almost hear the whisper of “goddamn satan worshiper” that this guy would no doubt be telling his partner when they got back out to their cruiser.

Langforth took over this time. “So you don’t remember _anything_ about what happened when you were captive.”

“I told you everything.”

“Mr. Biersack, I understand this is difficult and while you may not remember everything about the last hours when you were captive you mean to tell me you don’t remember anything _at all_ while you were held captive for over _two months_.”

The skepticalness was evident and Andy felt his head starting to throb.  The repeated line of questioning was getting to him, but the accusative tone was worst.

Ashley jumped in. “He already told you guys. What the hell is your problem, you’re acting like he wanted to be kidnapped by some creepy freak.”

Cole answered this time. “Mr. Purdy, we’re just trying to find out what happened, and if you keep interrupting I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“You’ll have to fucking make me.”

“If I remember correctly you technically still have charges that can be filed for assaulting an officer with that soda bottle you threw so--”

A chair scraped on the ground and Andy quickly spoke up before things could escalate. He was gratified that Ash was speaking up in his defence but his friend landing himself in jail was taking it too far. “It’s cool Ash, relax.”

“Andy these ass--”

Andy quickly overtalked him as he could hear angry muttering starting up from Cole. “Just calm down, I know you’re upset. I’m fine...really.”

“Whatever.” Ash still sounded pissed but hopefully he wouldn’t do or say anything else to tick off the cops.

There was a pause in which Andy heard Ashley sit back down, then Langforth started again. “We have video cam showing what we think is a side view of the guy who took you. We don’t have a clear view of his face, but the build matches. Also don’t have audio but it looks like maybe he’s asking for a autograph and you’re agreeing.”

Andy couldn’t see and he wasn’t sure he believed the cop, so he asked. “Ash?”

There was a movement then a pause before Ashley responded. “Yeah, that’s what it _looks_ like.”

“Okay, so then we see you go partially out of camera angle. Not a lot to go on, we’ve got your lower torso, moving. He’s got an arm around you, next we see you two walking together and apparently you’re getting into the car with him. I’m not seeing you fighting here. You would think if you were being _kidnapped_ there would be some sort of struggle.”

Andy was confused. Why wouldn’t he be fighting. It wasn’t like he decided to take random car rides with fans. He may have loved his fans but he wasn’t stupid...some people took their obsessions too far.

“Ash?”

There was another pause then Ash answered sounding like he was keeping himself from killing someone (namely Detective Langforth) with great difficulty. “Your legs are kinda dragging...I wouldn’t say walking.” He heard footsteps and then Ashley’s voice. “You’re some fucking assholes you know that. He’s probably goddamn drugged that’s why _he’s not fighting_ you mother--”

“Ash!” Andy called out, wishing he could see and walk well enough to physically restrain his friend. He was pretty sure if the cops wound up with a broken nose and a jaw or two there would be no shrugging that off. “Ash sit the fuck down.” He didn’t hear any further movement so he added, knowing that there was one way he could get his friend to cool off. “Come on, you’re just making this harder.”

As he expected that was the one thing that got Ash to back off. “Sorry Man, it’s just these assfuckers--” He broke off and Andy heard a chair scraping. Then Ash added sarcastically for the cops benefit “Fine, I’ll just sit down and shut up.”

“We’ll start with what happened while you were kidnapped then.” Cole was speaking this time and he continued, listing off various injuries and what they had found in the guy’s house when they raided it.  Andy tried to keep it together as he listened but he could feel his eyes burning and his throat clogging. Ash was gasping every few seconds and once or twice Andy heard the distinct sound of something being thrown.

“We also need permission from you to send the evidence kit that was collected to crime lab.”

Andy didn’t know what they were talking about at first...didn’t all evidence get sent whether he wanted it to or not?

Cole was still talking though. “We got a lot of his DNA off your body and that would really help--”

Andy knew then what they were talking about, and he did not want Ashley hearing. He quickly interrupted Cole, turning to where he knew Ashley was sitting. “Can I get some water or something?”

“There’s a pitcher on your bedside table. I’ll pour it.” Ash answered and Andy heard footsteps.

Andy was getting desperate, he wanted Ashley gone. “How about some ice?”

Ashley sounded confused. “Sure, I’ll get you some after these guys are finished here.” Ash’s mistrust was evident in every word.

“Now.” Andy said.”

“What?”

“I want some ice now.”

“Andy, dude...”

“Just get the hell out of here!” Andy said sounding a lot more angry than he felt.

“Okay.” Andy heard footsteps, Ash sounded part hurt/part confused as he added. “Fine cool, I’ll be just outside if you need anything.”

Andy wanted to apologize but he couldn’t bring himself to, his breath was caught in his chest. He waited until heard the door slam.

Langforth asked. “So, I’m taking it that your friend doesn’t know you were _raped.”_ The skepticalness was still there but this time Andy didn’t know if he was because he didn’t believe Andy had been raped or didn’t think that it mattered.

“Yeah he doesn’t know.”

“So what’s the deal with him are you two together or something?” Cole asked, disapproval clearly evident in his voice.  
  


“That’s not any of your fucking business.” Andy said coldly.

There was more silence then Langforth started. “So do we have your consent to send the sexual assault kit?”

“Sure.”

“I’m going to take a verbal since you can’t sign.”

“Fine.”

“We don’t know the details much, the guy isn’t talking, but--”

“Wait, he’s alive?”

“Yeah, the psycho is still alive.”

Andy felt sick thinking that the guy who had tortured, raped and come close to murdering him was still alive. He didn’t speak, he was thinking about how the guy might get off--- _didn’t people get off for this sort of thing all the time?_  His next thought was what Ash would do if he knew. Ashley had too much of a temper... it wouldn’t be good.

“Anyway, we got multiple semen samples from around your rectal area, some in your mouth, and also a lot of touch DNA. Since you can’t remember what happened this guy can technically say the sex was consensual--”

“What?” Andy couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Hey, I’m not saying that’s what’s going to happen but there is the possibility that’s what his defense lawyer will say.”

Andy was close to puking but Langforth continued on. “He did apparently beat you, and we found a few burns, but you don’t have memory of that also...so he could claim BDSM.” He cleared his throat and added. “He did blind you so that’s more difficult to pull of as consensual, but he could potentially say something along those lines too, you know all that sadist, masochist crap you kids are into these days.”

“Well I’m not into having my fucking eyes burned and being raped, and drowned.” Andy spat out bitterly feeling nauseated.

Cole took over this time sounding uncomfortable. “Yes, well--”

Andy cut him off, “What about the video of him taking me?”

“Circumstantial--Was that the guy? Was it all staged if that was the guy? Who’s to say you and him didn’t stage the fake kidnapping to get your rocks off. We also found drugs in your system and you say you don’t take that but your reputation is a hard rocker who smokes and drinks. So--”

The conversation continued in that vein, on and on, more questions. And while Andy was grateful that Ash didn’t have to hear the rest, he wished his friend was there to at least provide some support. By the end of it he was exhausted and sickened.

“Well, we’ll probably have some more questions at a later date Mr. Biersack and I’m going to leave you the station number if you have any questions, but that’s all for now,” Cole ended. “Have a good night.”

Andy didn’t say anything. He waited as they left. There was silence then footsteps. “Ash?” Andy called out uncertainly. Instead of Ash his mother responded. “Your friend left.”

“What?” Now Andy even more felt like shit.

“He looked really angry. I stopped him in the hall and  he said you sent him out.”  His mother continued, unaware of what effect her words were having. “I told you, you should have let me stay. He just walked out, I wouldn’t have.”

Andy was really going to be sick now, after what the cops had said and now Ash leaving his stomach was a tight knot. “Did he say when he was coming back?”

His mother was quiet, then she answered softly. “He said something about if you wanted to keep secrets from him then you could do it alone, what did he mean by that?”

Andy didn’t answer, instead he leaned over and threw up. Vaguely he heard his mother calling for a nurse and asking him what was wrong. But none of that mattered, Ash was gone.

☽☀☾

He fell into a fitful sleep. After Ashley had left, his mother had stayed with him, but everything was worse. He was tired but he couldn’t fall asleep for hours. He ached everywhere, even his eyes which mercifully didn’t usually bother him were burning. His mother kept talking trying to console him, but her voice was making his head hurt. Dinner which was nothing more substantial than chicken broth and more jello (lime this time) wouldn’t stay down.

In short he felt like shit. He woke up to what sounded like rain on his window. At first he thought the room was pitch black then he remembered it would always be pitch black now.

He propped himself up, running his tongue experimentally through his mouth and grimacing at the dry feeling. Andy reached out with one hand searching for the water pitcher on his overbed table. _It should be just a few inches from his left hand._ He bumped into it, tipping the container over and swore feeling tears come to his eyes. He couldn’t even get a fucking drink of water.

“You know they blame your clumsiness on you being blind, but I know better.”

Andy froze at the voice. “Ash?”

“Yeah.”

He heard water being poured then a glass pushed into his hand. Andy didn’t drink it instead he said. “I thought you left?”

“Yeah I did.” Ashley sounded uncomfortable as he added. “I was really pissed at you for hiding whatever it is that you don’t want me to know.”

Andy took a sip of water, wondering what to say. He couldn’t tell Ash the truth...he couldn’t.

Ash continued. “But I cooled down and realised whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. You can have your privacy, and when you’re ready...if you ever want to, you can tell me, cool?”

Andy swallowed and nodded, his voice suddenly thick as he added. “Thanks.”

  
“Yeah I know I’m an awesome friend for putting up with your accident prone, needy ass.” But Andy could tell by his tone of voice that he was smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning in case the tags aren't enough, there ARE very graphic Dubious/non-consensual scenes in this chapter. If that is a trigger or disturbs you in any way feel free to go ahead and either turn away, OR you can also skip the entire italic portion in the first part of the chapter.
> 
> Otherwise enjoy the chapter :)

_It was dark and cold when Andy came to and he could feel a distinct lack of clothing. There was a pungent chemical smell in the air causing him to feel sick to his stomach._

_His breathing was loud in his ears and with a start he realized he could see faint outlines in the room he was in. He didn’t think to question how he could see, instead he simply stared letting the groggy feeling in his head fade a bit. He hurt all over and there was a heavy feeling to his body, particularly around his neck. Andy tried to reach up to feel what was around his neck, but with a start realized he couldn’t control his actions._

_That was when he really started to panic. He  felt like he was a prisoner in his own body and it terrified him. He wanted to scream but he when he tried he couldn’t move his lips and no words came out._

_He heard footsteps and for some reason that made him even more afraid. He tried to scream again and this time a quiet whimper escaped from his lips. He didn’t know exactly who was coming but he knew whoever it was he wanted to avoid them for as long as possible. His breathing sped up as the footsteps neared. He tried to move again, desperately attempting to get away. He had to run, he had to escape. But it felt like his body was moving against his will as he crawled across the damp filthy floor to a mattress in the corner._

_He wasn’t safe. He knew that. But it felt like he was trapped in his body. Andy could only watch, the door creaked open and a figure stepped into the room with heavy footsteps. The face of the figure was too dark to see even as he took a few steps towards him._

_“Up you get, Pet! C’mon we don’t got all day!” Andy felt himself scramble to his feet shakily and wanted nothing more than to get away, but still couldn’t do anything. He took hesitant steps towards the taller man, grimacing at the smell of alcohol wafting from him. He didn’t know what Master wanted but he knew he had no choice but to obey, and he was sickened to feel that a part of him wanted to._

_Master growled and bent down to grab something when Andy didn’t obey fast enough. He heard the sound of a chain being picked up and then was yanked forward. Stumbling Andy felt himself cry out with surprise as his hands weren't fast enough to catch him and he fell face first onto the cement. His chin scraped against the ground and his face hurt where he had hit._

_“I said get up! Don’t know why I keep you around. Useless at following orders.” Andy felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes from the drunken muttering of his Master._

_“I’m sorry sir,” Andy whispered, climbing to his feet once again albeit quicker this time. The first hit to his face came as a shock and sent him reeling backwards a few steps. He felt his hand go to his sore cheek and flinch when his Master gripped his face with one hand tightly._

_“That’s for disobeying you worthless piece of shit!” The hand let go of his face and a second later he heard him fumbling with a zipper. His breath came in short rapid bursts and he took a few stumbling steps back, shaking his head as he realized what was about to happen. Andy wanted to obey Master...he had to obey him, but not like this._

_“Please, please don’t make me.” Pain flared up again, this time in the other cheek as the hand of his Master connected with his face. Tears came to his eyes from the stinging and prospect of what was to come._

_“I didn’t ask you to talk, did I?” Andy looked down and shook his head as the tears fell silently. There was a rustling of fabric a few moments later and a hand gripped his hair painfully, forcing him onto his knees in front of Master._

_Panicking, Andy tried desperately to get his body to cooperate, wanting to stand up and make a run for the door, but only felt desperation when nothing obeyed. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to be here. Why couldn’t he be back at the hospital with Ashley?_

_Andy was forced out of his panicked thinking when his hand started moving, it was trembling as he watched his fingers wrapped around the semi-hard erection of the man in front of him. He tried to turn his head but he couldn’t do so. He could only reach forward opening his mouth and wanting the whole time to gag as warm musky flesh met his lips and his mouth opened to receive the full length. The hips in front of him jerked forward, nearly choking Andy as he was forced to take more of the man’s penis into his mouth._

_Master moaned “Fuck, yes.”  Tears leaked from his eyes again as he felt himself start to bob his head, Master was jerkily beginning to thrust. Andy tried to pull away as the man paid no attention to his gagging and continued forcing himself in. But Master grabbed his hair tighter holding his head in place and forcing him to look up._

_“You don’t stop until I say you can.” Master moaned as Andy forced his lips and tongue to move like he knew the man liked. “You don’t do this I’ll have your ass instead.” He started to apply a light suction as the thrusts into his mouth got quicker. Andy could tell that Master wouldn’t last long this time. As predicted, Master’s moans got louder as he thrusted more rapidly, trying to reach his climax right before Andy felt the warm liquid spilling down his throat. He gagged again as the man pushed in and out a few times riding out his climax. Andy was full blown heaving now, warm semen spilling from his mouth and down his chest._

_Before he could get it all out, a hand reached down clamping over his mouth. “Swallow.”_

_Trying to hold back the gags, Andy managed to barely swallow the warm thick substance, grimacing as it slid down his throat. The hand pulled away from his mouth._

_“Good job pet, good job.” Andy flinched as Master reached out to touch him again, but this time the man was only stroking his cheek. Master’s lips pressed to his forehead gently before pulling away from him. He looked up confused when he heard his Master sit down on the floor in front of him. The darkness made it hard to see his expression, but Andy could tell his gaze was on him and his state of undress._

_“Come here Pet.” He could barely make out the sound of light pats to Master’s thigh, indicating he go sit on his lap. Hesitantly Andy sat down on Master’s lap facing him. Andy knew that Master didn’t like him to face away from him except in certain cases. A hand trailed down the side of his face gently. “You took care of me, it’s only right I take care of you. That’s what we do for the ones we love.”_

_A hand wrapped itself around his own penis and began to softly and slowly stroke it. It was uncomfortable from the lack of lube, at least at first. Andy looked away as he tried to fight off his body’s response to the touches. He didn’t want to feel pleasure from this man in front of him. No matter how hard he tried, however, he could feel his breathing start to become ragged and his body growing warm. Heat pooled down into his groin as Master kept stroking him. He was hardening against his will and he simultaneously wanted the man to stop and to keep touching him._

_“Good, you’re doing excellent, Pet. So excited we are for me, hm?” Master’s free hand wrapped itself around his hip, coming to a rest on his ass cheek. The hand squeezed the rounded flesh as the hand around his erection started to stroke him a little faster. It wasn’t but a few moments later that Andy was breathing erratically and his forehead had fallen to rest on Master's shoulder._

_Andy felt tears leaking out his eyes and wanted Master to stop and yet he was so close to the edge his body was begging him for more. He groaned as the strokes grew firmer, and then just as suddenly they stopped. Andy released a ragged breath trembling from the dual pleasure and horror of what he was experiencing._

_“I want you to ask pet. I want to hear you beg.” Master was whispering in his ear now and Andy felt the man’s tongue licking his neck. “Beg.”_

_He should want this. This was his master. Who wanted him to feel good and wanted Andy to make him feel good. This was alright. That was what Andy had been told for the past few weeks, until he almost believed it completely. But this felt wrong._

_More tears leaked out and now he was sobbing. He managed to whisper “Please.” Andy knew he was begging the man to stop, but Master took it another way._

_“Of course. Anything for you my pet.” The strokes started up again, harder and faster. The hand cupping his behind pushed him closer so he was pressed against Master’s body and he could feel the man’s own genitals hardened against his thigh. Andy was sobbing now, and whispering please, in between harsh breaths. He couldn’t help groaning, then he was coming._

_His entire body trembling and he felt sick for feeling pleasure, even as he moaned tears were streaking down his cheeks._

“Andy?”

“Andy!”

He woke up and nearly panicked as he didn’t know where he was. He tried to open his eyes but it was dark. He sat up, pushing away the hand of whoever was touching him.

“Stop, stop, I don’t want--no.” He was nearly incoherent with the memories of what had happened.

“Calm down man. It’s okay.” Andy felt a hand tentatively touch his shoulder and finally Ashley’s voice registered.

Andy focused on catching his breath as he tried to process what he had just dreamed. _Was it a dream or a memory ?_

His breathing finally slowed and Ash carefully broke the silence. “I think you had a nightmare.” The other man sounded uncomfortable, “I wasn’t going to wake you up because you sounded uh---like you were kind of enjoying it at the end...like it was another kind of dream….but then you were kinda crying and you kept saying please too like you were begging.”

And didn’t speak. He didn’t want to think about how he had acted, who was Master? Why hadn’t he fought? Plus, he hated the way how he had been able to see in his dream but now he couldn’t even see enough to know if the guy in his dream was just a figment of his imagination or his kidnapper.

“It was nothing.”

“Are you sure? Because you sounded--”

“I’m fine.” Andy snapped. He felt dirty. He shifted turning away from Ash a little like he could actually see the man and felt even guiltier as he moved his legs and felt something warm and slimy on his thighs.

_Not only had he gotten off to some sick creep fondling him in the dream but apparently he had gotten off  in real life too. So if that dream was true then was what the cops thought true? Had he somehow asked for all this, he hadn’t exactly been fighting as the guy had fondled him._

Ashley was touching him, rubbing his back soothingly and Andy was grateful for the touch. But he felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was dirty, tainted.

☽☀☾

He had gotten released from the hospital earlier that day. It had been two days since he had moved out of the ICU. The doctor wasn’t eager to release him, but Andy was growing antsy in the hospital and between half-threatening to sign out AMA and practically begging to be discharged he had finally gotten his wish. His mom had wanted him to go stay with her and his dad while he recuperated, but that would have made him feel even worse. He needed to learn to function again on his own and yet he couldn’t stay alone that much was clear.

Andy hadn’t asked Ash but he was scared to go back to his own apartment, what if somehow that guy got out and found him again. Thankfully Andy didn’t have to decide what to do, Ash offered to let Andy move in with him and Andy gratefully accepted.

So now he was discharged with a whole pile of home-care instructions, follow-up appointments and prescriptions for pain meds, and antibiotics. Before he was discharged the dreams or memories had come a few more times, they weren’t as vivid but the glimpses of what he remembered or dreamed were enough. He hated falling asleep because of them, but during the day he tried to shrug them off and act normal. Like now, he joked as he struggled to move up the stairs blindly while still maintaining his balance on crutches.

“There are WAY too many stairs at your apartment building. Seriously.” Andy groaned as he balanced on the crutches, waiting for Ashley to open his door for him. They'd miraculously made it up 3 flights of stairs with Andy's crutches and broken leg. It had taken a while with Ashley guiding him.  

“What, do you want me to carry you bridal style up the stairs?”

“Fuck you.” Andy said but without venom. At that moment something flashed. _Be still my pet...somebody carrying him...._ Then just as soon the memory was gone, Andy shook his head trying to forget what had just happened.

Ashley was speaking again. “You think with as much as I pay for this place the elevator would actually work at least half the time.” Andy heard the tell-tale click of the door being unlocked and the door opening. With a sigh, Andy adjusted the position of the crutches and followed Ashley's directions into his apartment. “The couch is a few feet to your left.” Andy nodded,slowly turned with his crutches and hobbled over to the couch, being careful not to trip over Ash’s two dogs which were milling around his ankles.. He bumped into what he presumed was the couch just as Ash was saying. “May as well make yourself at home.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate this. I'm only probably  going to need your help until I can stop using these stupid crutches.” He heard Ashley snort as he set his crutches to the side of the couch.

“Quit thanking me every couple of seconds. You can stay as long as you need.  Not like you wouldn’t have done the same for me.”

What Ash had said was true, but Andy still felt like he was being a burden. However, he crushed down the urge to say something else and instead tried to get acquainted with his surroundings. He had been to Ash’s apartment a few times, but the memories he had were sketchy. He hated the feeling, but it was like as he went longer and longer without being able to see the memories of what he could see were becoming indistinct. Instead of dwelling on his predicament, Andy felt around. There was a coffee table in front of him, he remembered from his previous visit it was metal and the cool smooth texture confirmed it. He rubbed a few fingers over the couch feeling the fabric and imagining the possibilities of what it could look like. In any case it was much more comfortable than a hospital bed, that was for sure.  

“You hungry? I'm gonna go see if anything in the fridge is still edible.”

Andy snickered at that. Knowing Ashley, they would be lucky if there was anything in there that wouldn’t give them both food poisoning in a couple bites.  Andy knew that when Ash put his heart into something or someone else wholeheartedly, he usually put himself last. Which also meant shopping, hygiene. sleep...who knows what else. With Andy missing for over two months Andy was lucky he hadn’t woken up to find Ash in the hospital too from sheer exhaustion. he could only imagine how much (or little) Ashley had taken care of himself while he had been missing.

_Missing._

He was still having a hard time believing he had been missing for two whole months. That was about eight weeks, or roughly 60 days that he’d been gone. His smile faded as he also remembered the doctor's words of what he'd gone through. With Ashley around, he'd been able to forget about the fact that he'd been raped, beaten, starved, and would most likely be blind forever. But when he was alone and had time to dwell on what had happened he felt depressed.  What kind of life would he have now? He was tainted and scarred forever.

“Okay, this isn’t turning out well. We’ve got month old milk, some cheese that’s rock hard, leftovers I’m not even opening...” Ashley’s voice came from somewhere behind him in the kitchen. “Holy shit, there’s a freaking technicolor piece of bread.” Ash called out decisively.  “My fridge needs a fucking hazmat team to clean it. How about take out?”

“Yeah I could go for that,” Andy answered. He heard the fridge door shut in the kitchen and footsteps make their way to him.

“Uh, yeah don't definitely eat that bread Gross.” Andy snorted and leaned his head back against the back of the couch as Ashley took a seat next to him.

“So, uh--what do you want for take-out?” Andy could feel the awkwardness trying to poke it’s head, but managed to squash it down.

“Hmm there's a great Mongolian place not too far from here that delivers. There's a Chinese place, burgers, pizza. Uhh honestly not sure what I want, actually.”

Andy scrunched his eyebrows as he scratched his chin. “Chinese sounds good to me. Does it deliver?” Ashley made a noise next to him and felt a shift in the couch. The sound of a heavy book being handled gave Andy the impression that Ashley had grabbed a phone book from nearby somewhere.

“I don’t remember, so I guess one way to find out. Chinese does sound pretty good right about now.”

☽☀☾

It was after 8PM by the time their food arrived. Ashley had snickered when Andy had started complaining about how it was taking too long and told him what time it was when asked. The hospital food hadn’t been terrible, but it wasn’t great either, and his mouth was watering just at the idea of something he normally didn’t eat, even before he’d been taken captive.

He heard the doorbell ring then Ashley was getting up. “And that would be dinner.”

Andy waited as he heard Ash pay for the food, then the man was walking back and the delicious smell of General Tso’s chicken, Fried Rice, and Lo Mein had his mouth watering. Technically he wasn’t supposed to be eating this stuff, the doctors, dietician, and nurses had been quite clear about his diet. He was supposed to start out with soups and the like and work up, but he didn’t feel like listening to any more hospital instructions. At least not tonight. He wanted real food.

Ash set all the food on the coffee table pushing Andy’s towards him. “There you go, your’s is a few inches from your right hand. Chopsticks are on top.”

Andy had no trouble finding the carton and opening it. He grabbed the packet of chopsticks and pulled them open. He had used these fairly often and it was easy to get his hand situated. He could already hear Ash slurping down his food. Andy prepared to dig into his own, then stopped as he realised he couldn’t actually see what he was picking up and that was kind of an integral part of using chopsticks. But he didn’t want to ask Ash for a spoon. He already felt like a loser for asking what seemed like something else every few minutes from the other man.

So Andy dug in, his first bite was successful though he poked himself in the face before he actually made it to his mouth. But he got some food so he counted it. The next few bites were disasters. He missed the container, dropped food, and had a hard time picking up bites. By the end of a few minutes he had more food in his lap and down the front of his shirt then had gone in his mouth. He stopped eating feeling his face grow hot, the TV was still playing and he didn’t think Ash had noticed but he felt like a kid just learning to use a spoon.

Abruptly, the couch shifted and Andy heard Ash mutter. “Be right back.” His voice sounded weird, Andy nodded and used Ash’s absence to try to brush off some of the rice spilled down his front.

A few seconds later the couch sank again and Andy felt something tossed in his lap. “Here you go dude.” Ashley was half laughing, as he added. “You could have just asked for a spoon.”

Andy frowned and picked up the spoon from his lap hesitantly. He knew he could have asked for one, but he wanted to prove that he could still do _something_ on his own and obviously that had failed. Andy gingerly grabbed the carton and stuck the spoon in.

“Thank you.”

Using the spoon was easier, but it too wasn’t without disaster. By the time he had eaten as much as he could (which if he was honest, wasn’t that much) he had sticky General Tso’s sauce accompanying the rice and bits of lo mein on his clothes.

“I’m going to take the last carton of lo mein, unless you want it?”

“Actually, I think I’m done. I can’t eat any more.” Andy gingerly placed the carton back and set the spoon on the coffee table. The food had been delicious but he was regretting disobeying the diet instructions he had been given as the meal settled precariously in his stomach. Next to him, he could tell that Ashley wanted to say something about how much (or little) he had eaten, but thankfully opted for another route.

Maybe Ashley sensed his discomfort but all he said was, ”Let me go ahead and take yours and I’ll put it in the fridge for you okay?” Andy nodded in Ashley’s direction and shifted so Ashley could grab his leftovers easier. He felt the rebound in the couch as Ashley got up and the heard the sound of the cartons being closed up.

He expected to hear Ash coming back as the fridge door closed but instead he heard. “Damn, I forgot to feed Crow.”

“What?” Andy sat up straighter immediately feeling guilty for not thinking about his cat.

“Don’t worry, the little bastard is still alive I fed him yesterday. I just forgot to drop by this morning with all the discharge stuff going on at the hospital.”

“Oh, okay.” Andy settled back, as he listened to Ash call his cat’s name.

Instead of the cat coming for the him, there was only silence. ‘Fine, you call him.”

It only took Andy once then he heard the patter of small feet and then listened as they abruptly changed direction. He heard a _meow_ and then a warm weight settled in his lap and Crow rubbed up against him.

  
Andy stroked his cat, enjoying the sensation of it’s fur and the purring as it leaned into the ear rub.

“That little punk.” Ash let out an exasperated sigh. “I take care of him feed him, give him water while you’re--” He broke off as he realised what he was about to say.

Andy hated that more than anything...the awkward silence as neither of them knew what to say. Like talking about his time captive was some kind of taboo. After a few moments, Andy broke the silence, he stood up, gently shoving Crow to one side as he grabbed his crutches.

“Where’s the cat food.”

“Huh?”

Andy hobbled towards the sound of Ash’s voice. “I’m going to feed him.”

“I set it out on the counter.”

Andy nodded but focused on trying to navigate towards the kitchen without hitting anything. He made it with only a minimal of directions from Ash. Opening the cat food was easy even without being able to see. He groped for the dish on the floor, he could tell Ash wanted to help him but was grateful when the man let him do it himself.

He tipped the food in the bowl and listened as Crow padded over to begin scarfing it down. “See, I’m not totally useless.” Andy meant it as more of a joke, but it came out bitter.

“Andy...dude you’re not---” Andy didn’t hear the rest, he was already turning away. He knew what Ash would say...he wasn’t useless, once he got used to being blind he’d be fine...but Andy knew how he felt. It didn’t matter what Ash thought in this case….he didn’t understand the limitations Andy was beginning to realise he had with every passing day he was blind.

He reached out intending to grab the cat food tin and throw it away. Instead he missed grabbing the base and grabbed the lid. It bit into his palm. “Damn.”

“What happened?” Ash asked.

“Cut my hand” Andy pulled his hand away pressing his fingers into the cut to stem the blood he could feel dripping out. He started to turn around but tripped over Crow causing the cat to yowl. Andy fell sideways smacking his head hard on the counter. He would have fallen but at the last moment Ash caught him.

“Fuck...are you alright?”

Andy didn’t answer. Under normal circumstances he would have liked the position he was in now, he was literally in Ash’s arms. He could feel Ashley’s  arm under him keeping him from hitting the floor and he was partly held against the man’s chest. But it felt wrong. Ashley shifted the position of his arms in an attempt to help Andy up and at that gesture a memory flared up.

_Master’s arms wrapped around him. His hands stroking his hair back, running them across his nude body. “You’re mine pet. Mine in body and soul.” Tears streaking down Andy’s cheeks._

“Andy, you’re scaring me!”

Andy sat up like he had been burned. He pushed away Ash’s arms. He was trembling like he was cold. He tried to gain his feet but his head was swimming. Flashes of memory flickered through his mind as he felt Ashley reach out to steady him.

_Master moaning with pleasure. Hands holding his hips in place. More grunts and moans. He hurt. He hurt all over, but most of the pain was from his ass. He couldn’t make a sound. His mouth was gagged. But he screamed silently as the man thrusted in and out. He smelled the metalic taste of his own blood._

“Andy..Andy??”

He felt a hand lightly slapping his face and flinched away. He was surprised to feel Ash nearly holding him up. Andy tried to answer but his breath felt like it was caught in his throat. His right hand burned and felt slippery.

“Damn it you’re bleeding.” Ashley sounded panicked. Andy could barely speak but he forced himself to as he heard the terror in the other man’s voice.

“I’m--o-okay--” Andy broke off, he felt like he was hyperventilating. His head ached where he had hit it on the countertop. His stomach was roiling. He couldn’t catch his breath and felt close to passing out. Ashley’s touch was too much. It was claustrophobic knowing that any moment Ash could turn him around and force him down, hold him still as he-- _No Ash wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t..._

Andy tried to convince himself, his breathing didn’t slow. Instead his stomach jerked and he tried to twist away but heard Ash swear as he gagged up a thin stream of saliva onto the man’s shirt. He heaved again and automatically brought a hand up to his mouth. It was his injured hand and blood mixed with the taste of vomit in his mouth.

“Shit!” He heard Ash cursing as the coppery taste on his tongue had him gagging again. This time, bile and undigested food was spilling from between his fingers. Ash was swearing as once again his shirt was in the line of fire. With Ash half carrying him Andy made it to the bathroom and crouched down on the cold tile. Andy barely had time to pull himself over the toilet before the rest of the Chinese food made a reappearance. It felt like minutes until he had finally emptied his stomach completely and then some and managed to suppress the heaves. Ash was rubbing his back with one hand and the other was tightly wrapped around his right holding what felt like a wad of tissues against the gash in his palm.

Andy collapsed back feeling tired, he wondered did he look as terrible as he felt. “I’m fine Ash.” He whispered with a sore throat. It wasn’t true but he didn’t want Ash worrying on top of everything else.

His reassurances didn’t work. “You are not fucking fine. Dude what was that?”

“Nothing.” Andy shifted uncomfortably and then cleared his throat. “I cut my hand, tried to turn around and hit my head. I was already feeling kind of sick...that Chinese was probably a bad idea.”

“That wasn’t ‘nothing’ Andy, and you know it. I want to help, but I can’t if you don’t let me in.” Andy sat there on the cold tiles thinking for a moment. Could he actually tell Ashley the truth? Could he tell him what he remembered?  He desperately wanted someone else to know and yet he simultaneously wanted to take those secrets to the grave. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He trusted Ash, he could do this.

“Okay.” His voice was quiet as he felt Ashley’s hand rub circles on his back soothingly. “I had a flashback to….to ...He was …..” Andy stopped, feeling panic burst through his chest. He couldn’t tell him. It was too much. Just trying to talk about it had him feeling like he was going to pass out. “I can’t...I can’t….N-not...not yet. I’m s-sorry.” Andy tilted his head down between his legs, trying to halt the faint feeling in his head. He could vaguely hear Ash coaching him through it and held onto the other man's voice like a lifeline. After a few minutes he raised his head feeling a little better. There was silence then Ash broke the quiet.

“Alright...we’ll discuss this another time. “ His voice was calm and slow, like he was speaking to a scared kid. Andy hated the tone and yet he was grateful Ash was there for him.

“We need to get your hand bandaged. That’s a nasty cut there. How’s your head? You hit it pretty hard, you might have a concussion.”  Ashley's voice was quicker as he discussed the injuries like he was grateful that at least they were something clear cut that he could try to fix.

“My head hurts. I don't know if its a concussion though… I've had a few of those and it doesn't feel like that. But my head's killing me...maybe some Tylenol?”

“Sure.” Andy shifted as he felt Ash finally let go of his injured hand.

There was a sharp intake of breath then, “ Damn...you’ve got a deep cut...but--I don't think it needs stitches.”

“Gotta have small miracles right?” Andy said trying for sarcasm and failing as it fell flat.

“Yeah” Ash agreed sounding distracted. Andy heard Ash stand up then some rustling and cabinets opening. Then he felt the other man crouch next to him again. There was silence as Ashley cleaned the cut, smeared antibiotic ointment on it and bandaged his hand. Then he felt two Tylenol pressed into his uninjured hand and Ashley guided him up.

“Toothbrush and toothpaste are on the counter a little to your right. I filled a glass of water for you next to that. I'm going to go change my shirt real quick okay?”

Andy blushed remembering how he had thrown up on Ashley and was thankful the other man wasn't mentioning it. “Yeah sure.”

He managed to brush his teeth and take the Tylenol without any more mishaps. He was rinsing out his mouth for the last time when he heard Ash’s footsteps. “You ready for bed? I'll take the couch you can have my bed.”

Andy set his toothbrush down feeling his heartbeat pick up. He hadn't actually considered going to sleep and after what had just happened he didn't want to. He answered evasively. “I'm not taking your bed I'm already enough trouble without making you sleep on your couch in your own place.”

Ashley laughed at that. “Dude it’s cool. Makes more sense for you to take the bed anyway. It’ll be more comfortable after those hospital beds plus it's a straight shot to the bathroom.”

Andy briefly considered what Ash said but his anxiety didn't lessen. He didn't want to be alone. Someone had stayed with him during his hospital stay pretty much the whole time and with all his nightmares he was terrified to fall asleep and wake up alone with no idea where he was or even worse to not have anyone wake him up from his nightmares.

Plus his skin crawled at the thought of a bed. He didn't want a comfortable mattress with soft sheets and warm blankets. It would just remind him of the times he would be forced to lie next to master as the other man slept and Andy was in too much pain to sleep and could only silently cry.

“I'm not --not the bed--I mean I'm not tired--I--don't want to sleep--not yet--” Andy's words tumbled over each other. But somehow Ash got the gist.

The other man sounded confused but once again he didn't push for the cause of Andy's reticence. “Okay how about we watch a movie or something for a while? Or I guess listen in your case.”

“Sure” Andy quickly agreed. He didn't speak as he followed Ash back to the sofa then waited as he went to get drinks for them both. Minutes later they were both settled on the couch. Ash was sipping a beer and Andy much to his chagrin (and despite several seconds of complaining) was drinking a soda in deference to his near concussion.

As the time grew on Andy felt himself growing more and more tired. He set his drink down and leaned his head back pulling his feet onto the couch. Against his will he could feel his eyelids sagging but forced them to stay open. His head was another matter, he still had a killer headache and it was swimming. He tried to lay back and accidentally landed on Ash's shoulder. The other man didn't say anything and Andy was too tired so he just laid there trying to stay awake but failed miserably.

At some point he turned so he was leaning more into Ashley and his eyes drooped, his head toppled forward landing on Ash's lap. He was beyond exhausted and his body was betraying him. He was too tired to move and as Ash reached around and grabbed a blanket from somewhere covering them both up then Andy surrendered to sleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Andy awoke to a ball of warmth curled up next to his stomach and an arm draped over him. It was quiet save for the sounds of breathing coming from somewhere to his left. Andy had no idea where he was, he opened his eyes slowly but saw only darkness. There was a few confused seconds before the reason for his blindness and a tangle of memories from the last few days came flooding back. As he tried to sort through them a miasma of emotions threatened to overwhelm him, anger, frustration, confusion...

He couldn’t dwell on those though, because as he woke up more the arm around his shoulder became of increasing importance. Andy also realised his head was laying on someone’s lap. That revelation spurred him to panic. All he could think about was Master. _He laid there awake trapped under the unconscious grip of Master. Even in sleep, Master wouldn’t let him go._

Andy shoved the arm away. He fell to the floor, sending something tumbling with him that let out a distressed mewl. Andy desperately tried to scoot backwards, knocking his back into something hard.

“N-no! G-get away!” He heard a groan followed by Ashley's groggy voice.

“Andy? What’s going on?” At Ashley’s confusion, Andy began to relax as he fully woke up and realised where he was. He took deep breaths trying to calm himself down. It was just Ash. Andy was safe. _He_ was in custody and couldn’t harm him anymore. Right?

“S-sorry, I had a...it was just a memory. I’m fine now. I’ll be fine.” There was a moment of silence as Andy sat there. Ashley was probably staring at him, or studying him. Andy pulled himself up forcing a smile he didn’t feel. “Really, I’m great. Just a bad dream.”

There was a long pause then Andy felt a hand laid gently on his arm. “I know you don’t want to tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you...but you need to tell someone.”

Andy suddenly felt cold. He ripped his arm from Ash’s grip. He didn’t want to tell anyone and he didn’t like the way Ash was suggesting he do so. He was fine he could handle this himself. Before Andy could respond Ash continued.

“What was the dream about?” Ash’s voice was more firm than before, causing a flare of irritation to bloom in Andy’s chest.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Andy, I’m trying to help.”

Andy could feel the anger rising illogically as Ash spoke. “I don’t want your help, I’m fine.”

“No--you’re not...You keep having nightmares and--”

Andy tried to keep his voice calm but it was dripping with anger. “I’m fine. Okay? I’m fine.”

“Just listen to me, they suggested counseling at the hospital and you don’t want to but I think it would help you get back to normal and--”

Andy lost it at that. _He was normal._ If Ash saw him as weak and damaged then what did any of this matter. He knew he was being unfair but all he cared about at that moment was trying to lash out and making Ashley hurt as much as he did.

“I’m not listening to this bullshit--”

“Andy, I’m just trying to help--”

“Shut up, you don’t have a fucking idea what you’re talking about. I don’t need your help, I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m fine.” Andy continued on feeling his eyes burning and his voice cracking even as he yelled. “If you think you can make me feel like I’m a loser then I don’t need you. There’s nothing wrong with me! That’s probably why you can’t find anyone for more than a one night stand and nobody wants to be around you so you live alone with your two fucking dogs for company. You think you’re better than everyone, you think there’s something wrong with me? Then fuck you! I hate you!”

Still feeling angry and hurt, Andy felt for his crutches and hobbled in the direction that he remembered the door to be. He felt around for the doorknob and clutched it tightly when he found it. Opening the door harshly, Andy continued out into the hall and slammed it shut with a bang.

Making his way down the flight of stairs with no one to help him was proving to be tricky. Unable to see, Andy was forced to grope his way down the steps, holding his crutches tucked under one arm and using his other hand to hold the railing. It was several minutes before he made it down the three flights of stairs, then he was at the door leading from the apartment onto the street.

He was still so angry that he didn’t stop to think as he opened the door and stepped out onto the street. It was cool outside, but Andy walked for a few more minutes before he was shivering in his thin T-shirt and flannel pants that served as pajamas. His bare foot not in a cast was aching from being scratched on the hard sidewalk. As the cold seeped in giving him goosebumps his anger started to fade and he realised what he had said. All he could think about was telling Ash he hated him, and how it was so far from the truth…

The other words he had said rang in his mind too, making him feel even worse. Andy’s teeth were chattering and he was shivering harder now. Unable to will himself to go further, he stopped walking and leaned against a wall to rest his one good leg. He had to go back and apologize...not stand here in the street like an idiot. With that thought another stupid thing he had done struck him. He was alone in the early morning, on a probaby still dark street barefoot, dressed in nothing but his pajamas and worst of all he was totally blind. Someone could come up and kill him, mug him, rob him...kidnap him. As he fully thought about his situation, Andy felt panic rising...he forced it down trying to figure out what he needed to do.

He just had to find his way back to the apartment. But that was easier said than done. He tried retracing his steps, but after a minute or two realised he hadn’t paid attention in his anger to where he was going. He was lost. He didn’t have a cell with him, and so far (maybe for the best) he hadn’t run into anyone else.

If he could see this would have been easy, but as it was he was in deep shit. He thought about knocking on one of the doors he must have passed and asking to use the phone, but even just thinking about that had a bad taste in his mouth. He would be basically handing himself over to strangers. Andy was growing colder by the minute and more scared, even though he would have never admit it. He knew he should try to find someone to ask for a phone or where he was but that thought had his heart racing more. He was blind, he would be at whoever he asked for help’s mercy...and they might be nice...but they also might be like Master. He knew that last thought was irrational but after what he was slowly remembering of his time captive, he was having a hard time being rational about certain things.

Andy needed to calm himself. He promised himself just one moment of weakness, one minute and then he would get up and try to find his way back to Ash’s place. As he thought of going back there his eyes burned and he felt his throat thickening. _He had messed up stuff so much, he was such a loser. Ash was doing so much for him and what did Andy do but bite the proverbial hand that was feeding him._ With a stifled sob, Andy leaned against the nearest wall and slid down carefully, making sure not to injure his leg. He wrapped his arms around himself to try to retain some warmth and His eyes burned as tears leaked out.

Andy wouldn’t be surprised if when he did manage to find his way back to Ash’s apartment the man didn’t send him packing. Andy had acted like an asshole, saying the worst things he could think of to him. _Was he looking for a fight?_ Andy didn’t really know but in any case there was no way he could take back the words. Ash would probably be done with him and tell him to pack up. Andy knew he deserved what he got, but thinking about Ash walking away from him...maybe for good had Andy feeling like he just wanted to lie down in the cold and never get back up. He didn’t hate Ashley, so why did he say so? Andy knew why. He’d been angry and hurt that Ashley would suggest counselling, because that implied there was something wrong with him. Andy just wanted things to go back to normal. So, instead of thinking rationally he had lashed out and said things in the heat of the moment.

Andy straightened up as he heard a faint sound. Instantly, he was on alert. In the distance he could hear someone shouting. Instinctively he cocked his head and listened to the shouts trying to get an idea of who it might be. After a few more shouts, he realized that it was Ashley calling for him.

Andy shouted back, but he wasn't sure how successful he was because his teeth were chattering so much. He pulled himself up balancing precariously on his crutches, as he shouted back to Ash. Andy took a few steps toward the voice as he heard Ash’s nearing. His foot stepped onto a different texture of ground, Andy took a few more steps toward Ash then froze as he heard something else. It was a car engine.

Andy could hear it coming from somewhere behind him or maybe it was to the side...it was hard to tell. He tried to move away from where he thought it was coming from, well aware now that he had strayed into the street, but his efforts were unsuccessful, he couldn’t move fast enough with his still casted leg and crutches and he had no idea exactly where he needed to go.  

He heard Ash screaming now louder this time, but he couldn’t make out the words and vaguely wondered how close the man was...would he see him get ran over. It all happened at once, there was no proverbial flashing of his life before his eyes, there was only his heart pounding in fear and a desperate scramble to where he thought the sidewalk would be. In the end, he tripped over his cast, fell to his knees, brakes squealed as whoever the driver was tried to stop and Andy was close enough to feel the heat from car grill.

_This was it. He was about to die. Lying crushed in some cold street, with the last words he said to Ash being the most hateful he could think of._

Then someone snatched him by the arm at the last moment, practically dragging him out of harm’s way and knocking them both down. Andy landed sprawled across the person’s chest. He was too startled to do anything but lay there for a moment, stunned on top of the body of his savior.

 _I’m alive_ was the only thought racing through his mind for a few seconds...then his senses came rushing back and he realised Ash had saved him as he smelled the familiar scent of his friend and heard him let out a litany of profanity.

The man sounded out of breath and was repeatedly swearing, “Shit, shit, shit,  goddamn fucking shit.”

A car door was slamming...Andy heard a woman’s voice then a man’s, both were apologizing…”Fuck, dude I didn’t see you, until I turned the corner.”

“Are you guys okay?”

“Should we call 911?”

Ash was too out of breath to respond at first and Andy was dealing with a more pressing problem. He needed to move away from Ash for two reasons actually.

Lying practically on top of Ash had two emotions warring with him, fear and desire. Ultimately fear won out and Andy could feel a barely suppressed panic rising to the surface.

Second being so close to the other man that he could hear his heart beating and practically every breath had his groin hardening until he was seconds away from a raging boner. He wasn’t sure which would have been more embarrassing explaining why he was suddenly hard after being saved from near death or trying once again to explain why he had a panic attack practically anytime Ash tried to get close to him. Either way he scooted off his friend.

“I’m fine.” Andy said turning his head in the direction of the voices.

“Are you sure? You’ve got a bruise on your head...and you look really pale.” It was the woman’s voice this time.

“I’m fine really, I hit my head yesterday and I’ve been sick for a while that’s why I look pale.”

“Are you--, damn it? What the hell--” Andy quickly closed his eyes having forgotten and just opened them, but the damage was done.

Thankfully, the guy didn’t say anything, perhaps realising that his response wasn’t exactly appropriate. Instead the woman asked sounding concerned. “Why were you walking the street? It’s 4am and you’re dressed in pajamas.”

Ash had regained his breath and Andy could tell that he was getting into his pissed overprotective mode that he seemed to be in at least half the time now. “He’s fine...except for the fact you guys nearly fucking ran him down.”

“That wasn’t exactly our fault.” The man was irritated now. “He was in the middle of the street, and who are you?”

“His friend.” Ashley sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth.

“What kind of person lets their blind friend run out in the street?”

“You know what, fuck you!”

The woman started talking now, ignoring the less than civil conversation between Ash and whoever she was with. She adopted a consoling tone. “What’s your name dear? I’m Lauren. If you come with me and my husband we’ll take you down to the police station and-”

“No! No...uh sorry. I...it’s fine. I’m fine. I’d rather not go to the station. It wasn’t his fault that I was walking around...it’s all my fault. I..we had a fi--... I wanted to go for a walk by myself. I guess I’m still not used to being blind just yet.” Andy gave a half-hearted laugh and mentally cringed when he realized just how fake it sounded. With a shaky hand, Andy combed his fingers through his longer than shoulder-length hair and took a deep breath. Next to him he could hear Ashley’s angry breaths as he tried to remain silent.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the station? We don’t mind. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Andy shook his head slightly at the woman’s concern. He knew why she was asking, no doubt she thought Ash was abusing him in some way. Her next words confirmed his suspicions.

“You've got a lot of bruises and cuts and--” Lauren continued. “You don’t have to be worried about your _friend_ trying--”

Andy quickly cut her off. The anger practically dripping off Ash was palpable and Andy could tell the woman’s unintended insults were not going to turn out well if Ash jumped in.

“Seriously, I'm great. Ash is letting me stay with him while I get back on my feet. I just got out the hospital. And I wanted to go for a walk this morning by myself.”

It took a few more moments to the convince the well meaning but ultimately clueless couple that everything was fine and they could leave. By that time Ash was swearing underneath his breath as they drove off.

“Come on.” Andy waited silently as Ash helped him get his crutches adjusted then they started walking back to the apartment. The adrenaline of his near death had worn off and he was shivering. He hadn't thought Ash had noticed until he heard his footsteps stop and he was placing something over Andy’s shoulders.

“Here take my jacket.”

Andy tried to protest but Ash was insistent. “Just take it man, you have to be freezing. You're about 30 pounds less than you were plus you've been out here for almost an hour. I don’t want you getting pneumonia on top of everything else.”

Andy would have protested some more but he _was_ freezing and Ash sounded gruff.  He was pretty sure Ash was angry at him so he didn't speak and instead shrugged into the offered jacket.

There was another few moments of silence then Andy heard a door opening and stepped after Ash back into what he assumed was Ash's apartment building.

Then Ash stopped moving. He felt a bubble of panic at why they were stopping. Andy froze wondering if this was where Ash was going to kick him out and tried to prepare himself. After the things he’d said, he definitely deserved it at least.

“I was--I mean-- I didn't--” Andy could hear the awkwardness in Ash’s tone, but the man didn’t sound exactly angry. Andy was confused by Ash’s apparent lack of anger at what he had said...he still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was about to be kicked out though.

Ash abruptly paused and Andy was surprised to suddenly feel himself being pulled into a hug so tight it felt like he was in danger of being suffocated. One of his crutches slipped out from Andy’s arm and fell to the hard floor with a loud clatter, causing Andy to grip Ash tightly in return lest he lose his balance.

The embrace was warm and Andy felt safe there in his friend’s arms. Despite Ash’s jacket, Andy was still freezing and the body heat of the older man felt nice. He could feel his body warming up slowly and not just from the hug. Andy never wanted to let go, standing there in Ash’s arms felt right. His heart was beating fast, he could feel every contour of Ash’s body pressed against his own. Pleasure and fear were warring inside of him at that moment.

He loved Ash and was scared that after what he had said in a fit of anger Ash was going to walk away and yet he also somewhat felt it would be best if Ash just left. Andy knew he was a burden, he knew he would never be able to do a hundred little things (drive a car, walk across a busy street by himself…) and countless bigger ones. Who would want him? And after what had happened with Master--after Andy had let himself be abused and used...he felt like he didn’t deserve Ash anyway. Andy was surprised out of his reverie and nearly jumped when Ash’s loud voice broke out.

“How could you be so stupid?! You nearly got ran over! I didn’t...I didn’t even know you left the building. You were _this close_ to being killed and I….I couldn’t...I can’t...I don’t ever want to go through that again. Please don’t ever--”

Ash broke off mid-sentence and Andy heard a sound like stifled sobs. His own eyes started to burn at what Ash had said. The other man sounded torn up and Andy felt even worse, it felt like he continued to discount just how much Ash cared about him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I didn't...I didn’t mean what I said...any of it.” Andy felt tears wetting his face and vaguely wondered when he had turned into a wimp...it seemed like every few minutes he was close to crying lately. He felt like such a weakling. But this time, however, he let it go not trying to stem the tears.

Ash was holding him tightly still and as the tears started to fade Andy get his face grow hot. He was being held so close he entire front of his body was pressed against Ash. Andy couldn’t help but react to the closeness as blood started pooling to his lower body. His groin was growing harder by the second the longer they were pressed up against each other. Andy knew the flannel  of his pajama bottoms wouldn’t be able to hide it.

The other man shifted slightly and Andy had to stifle a groan of pleasure as the small amount of friction caused an unexpected change in pressure. Instead of staying in the embrace, Andy pulled back wondering whether the other man had felt the obvious erection pressed against his leg.

Andy knew his face must have been bright red as he stepped away from Ash but the other man didn't comment luckily. Clutching the one crutch he still had Andy hopped on his good foot as he tried to adjust his footing. He could feel the tension and awkwardness in the air, so thick it could be cut with a knife.

“I uh...I dropped my crutch.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Here” Andy heard the scrape of metal against the cold tiled floor as he presumed Ashley picked up the crutch. A moment later he felt the cold metal being pressed into his free hand. He adjusted the crutch so that it was underneath his arm once more.

“So you’re not going to kick me out?” The silence from the other man was almost deafening as they stood there tension mounting. Then Ash broke the quiet with a loud exclamation of bewilderment.

“What? Why...why would I kick you out? Why would you think that?-- Is it because of what you said?”

Andy swallowed thickly and nodded, cursing himself mentally as he felt the burn of more tears.

He was startled when he was brought into another tight hug suddenly. “It’ll take more than a few words for you to get rid of me. Whatever happens I’m there for you. There is nothing, past or present that’s going to change that...Okay?.”

  
Andy managed to mumble. “Okay.”  He allowed himself to relax into Ash’s arms and for the first time in days felt a semblance that things might actually turn out okay after all.


	6. Chapter 6

“Where are we going?” Andy turned his head towards Ashley. The sound of the tires on the pavement would have been lulling normally, but Andy was more interested with interrogating his best friend than falling asleep.

“It’s a surprise. I told you that when we left.” There was an obvious grin in Ash’s voice, and Andy just knew the older man was enjoying this way too much.

“Oh come on! I already can’t see where we’re going, can’t you just tell me?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it? Relax, Andy. Everything will be fine.”

“You know I’m really starting to hate those four words. In movies, every time someone says that, nothing ends up alright.”

“Yes, well those are movies. This is not. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.” With a huff Andy leaned back and pouted.

“Fine.” Andy’s lips twitched at the soft snickers from the driver side.

After several more long minutes, Andy felt the car slow down. Sitting up straighter in the passenger seat, Andy tilted his head, trying to listen around him and get a clue as to where they might be. It was quiet, save for the sounds of traffic on the road they’d just came off of, and sighed in frustration as he realised he still  couldn’t figure out where they were going.

“Of course there are no fucking parking spots close by, because that would just be too easy.” Andy raised an eyebrow as his lips twitched upwards again at Ash’s next outburst. “You have got to be kidding me. This is just fucking perfect, every single spot is filled. Just one parking spot is all I’m asking for. You can’t walk that far on crutches.”

“Well if it’s too far, you could always just give me a piggy back ride.” Andy meant it as a joke...mostly, but he grinned in Ashley’s direction when he heard the snort of laughter.

“Yeah that’s not going to look odd at all, two grown ass guys, one crazy tall riding on the other’s back. Definitely not going to attract any stares..”

“I don’t care. Do you?”

There was a pause and for some reason Andy felt  Ash’s answer was more important than just a piggy back ride. Andy knew it was stupid to feel but he couldn’t help feeling that if Ash said yes then that was in some way reflective of Ash rejecting him...or more importantly rejecting _them_.

It was barely a second but it felt like longer before Ash said. “Hell no. Whoever wants to stare can kiss my ass.”

“So is that a yes?”

“Alright I’ll do it, but you owe me one when your leg heals.”  

Andy smiled softly and nodded. “Deal.”

  
“Finally a spot! Jeez thought we’d be here all day. Man why did everyone pick today to come to the park?” Andy raised an eyebrow. He wondered if Ashley meant to tell him where they were.

“Why are we at the park?”

“You’ll see. Err...I mean you’ll find out soon. Sorry.” Andy shifted uncomfortably at Ashley’s slip.

“It’s fine.” There was a moment of awkward silence save for them undoing their seatbelts and the sounds of screaming children in the distance.

“You ready?”

“I still have no clue what’s going on, but sure. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Good. If you knew it would spoil the surprise wouldn’t it? This is a good surprise, I promise.” Andy heard Ashley open his door and followed suit, albeit slower. Carefully he turned in the seat of the car so that his legs were hanging out of the car and waited for Ashley to come around when he heard the car door shut on Ashley’s side.

“We’re bringing the crutches, right?” Andy heard the passenger rear door open, which answered his question. They decided not to put them in the trunk of Ashley’s car for easier access.  
  
“Yup.” After a moment, the door shut again and the crutches made a noise as they were leaned against the car. “Alright, I’m going to help you up out of the car. Make sure to put all your weight on your good leg, okay?”  
  
“Okay Mom.” Andy grinned at the snort of amusement from the older man and prepared himself to be helped out of the car.  
  
“Ready?” At his nod, he was gently pulled out of the car. Andy awkwardly reached out and placed a steadying hand on the door frame. After a moment Andy heard Ashley shift and felt his hand being grabbed gently and led to his shoulders.  
  
“Wait you’re really going to give me a piggy back ride?” Andy felt his cheeks heat up and his heart beat faster. His suggestion had been more than half a joke, he hadn’t actually considered that Ash was serious.

“I said I would, didn’t I? Plus I want that piggy back ride of my own when you’re all healed.” With a snicker, Andy moved so that he was holding onto Ashley.

“It’s been forever since I’ve had a piggy back ride.” Ashley didn’t reply instead opting to hook his arms underneath Andy’s legs, hoisting him up with ease. Slightly startled, Andy yelped in surprise and gripped onto Ashley tightly nearly choking him.

“Uh, I need to breathe Andy,” Ashley rasped out, waiting patiently for Andy to loosen his grip.

“Oh sorry!” He adjusted his arm just enough so that Ashley could breathe and tried to relax. A moment later he heard Ashley grab the crutches and awkwardly locked the car with his beeper.

“You okay?”

“Mmhmm.”  
  


“Now don’t go falling asleep on me back there.”

“I can’t help it if you’re too comfortable.” Andy mumbled, pretending to take a big yawn and resting his head on Ash’s shoulder like he was going to sleep.

“I swear if you drool on me I’m dropping you.”

Andy fake snored, opening his mouth obnoxiously wide.

Abruptly, Ashley relaxed his hands on Andy’s legs like he was going to make good on his  threat to drop him. Andy yelped as Ashley readjusted his grip.

“You awake now?”   
  
“Butthead.” As they traversed the park, Andy could hear a group of voices getting louder, piquing his interest.

  
“We’re almost there.” When they were close enough, Andy started picking out people by the voices and realized it was a gathering of friends and family. A smile split his face momentarily, then it faded away as he listened closely. He could tell they’d spotted them as the voices he’d heard quietened down. A ripple of panic trickled through him, and he wondered whether they were disappointed or judging him.

“Uh, just how many people are there?”

Ash continued walking as he answered. “You can hear them from this far away?” Before Andy could respond Ash had continued cryptically. “A few people that wanted to see you.”

That casual comment had Andy worrying...who exactly was here and what would they think of him. He was happy at the thought of some of his family and friends and yet he wasn’t prepared to face them just yet. Whispers and awkward silences from strangers were one thing...hearing them from people he knew was another. He suddenly didn’t want to go and wished he was back at home with Ash. But he didn’t want to ruin what Ash had gone to the trouble of setting up as a surprise for him. And yet he could feel himself tensing up with every step closer.

“Hey, Ash let me down.”

“Huh? We’re almost there.”

“I know, just--my legs are cramping me, I think I’ll walk.”

  
“Oh, okay.”

Andy waited as Ash carefully unlocked his arms so he could slip down. Then he took the proffered crutches and situated them, hobbling as best he could towards the waiting group of people. He held his head up, trying to keep the uncertainties he felt out of his expression as they slowly continued forth. With every step, the doubts and worries got louder and louder, making it nearly impossible for Andy to try to ignore them.

“Oh Andy! I’m so glad to see you walking around.” Even though it was his mother’s voice, Andy felt panic rip through him as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around him. He tried to mentally tell himself that it was only his mother, but the panic took control and he tried to pry himself away from the shorter person in front of him. _I can’t do this._

“Andy? Son what’s wrong?” At his father’s voice popping up near him, he tried to back away as fast as his crutches would let him. He stopped when he felt a hand gently grip his arm.

“You okay Andy?” Andy’s breathing was becoming shallow and rapid as he managed to shake his head no.

Before things could dissolve into full blown panic a hand was on his back, and a voice was by his ear. “It’s just your mom okay.” Ash’s voice was soothing and pitched so only Andy could hear as he continued. “You’re fine. I’m right here. If you need to leave we can, but you can do this.”

Andy nodded not trusting himself to speak, he listened as Ash smoothed everything over. “You guys are really enthusiastic, if I didn’t know better I’d say you haven’t seen us in years. It’s enough to startle anyone.”

“Well, what do you expect I haven’t seen my child in weeks and--” Andy mentally rolled his eyes as he listened to his mother go on about how thin he looked, and whether his leg was healing appropriately. Then he heard his father’s voice interrupting and felt him leaning in closer to hug him.

The urge to tense was there, but Andy managed to suppress it and even give his father a half hug in return. “Your mom’s just worried about you.” Andy rolled his eyes upward.

“Yeah, I know.” He resisted the urge to add _when isn’t she_  and instead asked. “So who all is here?” He could hear stifled conversations in the background, but couldn’t identify all of the voices.

“Some family, a few friends.”

“Any names to go along with that?” Andy remarked slightly irritated by how everyone was so intent on keeping things a surprise.

“Why don’t you go meet them yourself.”

Andy frowned but moved past his father and towards the waiting crowd of voices. He had barely made it a few steps before he heard footsteps moving closer and someone knocked into him, pulling him into a hug and practically picking him up off the ground. He would have panicked but things were happening so fast he didn’t have a chance for the panic he usually felt at such situations to rise. Instead he recognised the person currently attempting to half suffocate him and reciprocated the overly enthusiastic hug.There was only one person that he knew well enough with a skinny frame like this.

“CC?” His voice was hesitant, he was fairly sure it was CC, but he was still getting used to trusting his other senses in lieu of eyesight. Awkwardly he pulled a hand away and ghosted his fingertips over the other man’s face like he had grown used to doing when he wanted to “see” something.

“Yeah, it’s me Andy.”

“H-how? I thought you were on tour with another band?”

“When I heard you were in the hospital the guys let me leave early. I just got in yesterday, but you were already out of the hospital by then so I couldn’t go visit you there.” Andy felt a well of emotion build up and mentally cursed himself as he felt his eyes burn with tears.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Andy squeezed his eyes shut and embraced CC again. Adjusting his grip on the crutches, Andy listened around, realizing Ashley wasn’t beside him. “Where’s Ash?”

“Over there.” Andy could tell CC was pointing and forced himself not to get irritated, it always took people a while to remember that he couldn’t actually see. As if on cue CC added. “Uh, I mean...he’s to your left talking to some guy with glasses.”

Andy was curious about who the guy was but soon forgot about it as he got into a conversation with CC. By the time he remembered he didn’t get a chance to ask before he could investigate someone else was coming to meet him. He was enveloped in a tight hug with someone knuckling his head. “Ow, what the fuck?”

“Jesus, man you had us all so worried! I would have come sooner, but Ashley wanted it to be a surprise.” Andy relaxed at the familiar voice of his best friend Matt and tried as best as he could to reciprocate the hug without losing his crutches.

“It’s so good to hear your voice, Matt. How have you been?” He pulled away from the embrace, a genuine smile on his face. It was exciting to know that both CC and Matt were here.

“Well alright considering my best friend was missing. I’m glad that you’re mostly in one piece at least.”

“How’s the girlfriend?”

“She’s good, though she didn’t really understand why I was so worried for you.” Andy nodded, he liked Matt’s girlfriend though sometimes he got the vibe she was jealous of how close he and Matt were. He felt CC’s hand on his shoulder and moved his head towards him.

“What’s up?”

“That guy that Ash was talking too said he knows you and needed to talk with you.”

Andy frowned wondering who it was. “Did he say what his name was?”

“Um--Dr--Valentine , I think.”

Before Andy could consider why the doctor from the hospital  was there someone had grabbed his arm. Andy immediately jerked away only to stop as  Ash’s voice said. “Whoa, calm down it’s just me.” Andy heard him say a quick hello to CC and Matt then Ash was continuing to them. “I  need to speak to Andy for a moment.”

Andy let himself be pulled away, to where he guessed was the outskirts of the crowd of people. The others voice were distant when Andy asked. “Why is Dr. Valentine here?”

“Who told you he was here?”

“CC, and you didn’t answer my question Ash”

Ash sounded slightly evasive as he answered. “He invited himself.”

“He invited himself? How’d he even know we were going to be here today?”

Ash didn’t respond at first when he did his words were careful. “I was talking to him and mentioned that we were having a little get-together and he wanted to come and see how you were doing.”

There were several things wrong with what Ash had said and Andy felt anger rising as he considered the older man’s words. Andy didn’t like Dr. Valentine...never mind that the Dr. was irrevocably associated with some of the worst days of Andy’s life--that wasn’t the man’s fault--but his attitude during those days had been unsympathetic to say the least. After the initial meeting the man had been progressively frigid and sometimes Andy couldn’t help feeling like he didn’t care whether he got better. He hadn’t said anything because Ash and the rest of his family and friends seemed fine with him so Andy had just figured it was him.

Second, what was Ash doing talking to Valentine? They hadn’t seen the doctor since Andy had gotten out the hospital and as far as Andy had known the man hadn’t called….unless he had. Andy’s stomach flipped remembering the times the phone had rang and Ash had answered quickly before Andy could and then taken the call in another room. Andy hadn’t assumed anything then, but now…

“You’ve been talking to him haven’t you?”

“What? Andy I just _told_ you I talked to him.”

“Bullshit, you know what I mean! He’s  been calling about me hasn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Ash confessed.

Andy felt like he had been slapped in the face as Ash continued. “He was just concerned about you man...we all were--are. And when I told him about the nightmares he--”

“You did what!” Andy knew his voice was raising but couldn’t stop himself. “I didn’t say I was having nightmares and you had no right to say a fucking word about me!”

“You didn’t need to say anything, you wake up a hundred times a night, and that’s when you sleep at all--hell man most of the time you won’t even go to sleep by yourself--”

Andy’s face burned with embarrassment, anger and frustration, he didn’t want to hear any of this. It wasn’t true...he was fine...and yet he wasn’t.

“I can’t keep doing this dude--you flinch when I touch you, half the time you’re okay, but the other half you’re on edge or you're about to bite my head off, you don’t even want to leave the house most of days...I just want you to be better and so yeah I’ve been talking to him. I’m trying to help you and I feel like I don’t have a fucking clue what to do.” Ash’s voice sounded ragged and had gotten lower the longer he talked. “So okay, I let him come. You won’t tell me anything, but I figured if you got out the house, interacted with some other people it’d be good for you and maybe you can talk to Valentine about counseling or something ?”

Andy didn’t speak, as Ash finished. “So please, just talk to him. For me okay?”

Andy hated the note of pleading in Ash’s voice. He hadn’t really stopped to consider how difficult things were from Ash’s end...now that he was it had him feeling more like a burden and a lot like an asshole. “Okay.” Andy answered, nodding. He didn’t trust himself to say more without breaking down like a wimp...and he had done enough of that in the past few days. So instead he followed Ash over to where Valentine was waiting.

“Hello, Mr. Biersack. How are you? You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you.” Valentine’s voice sounded fake..but apparently not to Ash because he was already excusing himself and moving away.

“I’m going to talk to Matt for a bit, I’ll give you guys some privacy, if you need anything just--you know--ask.”

“Sure.” Andy answered before turning his attention to Valentine as Ash’s footsteps faded away. “I’m doing great.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Since the hospital how are you adjusting?”

“Fine, I guess.” Andy answered shrugging and shoved a hand in his jean pocket feeling really uncomfortable for some reason as Valentine continued.

“Now, Mr. Biersack. I need you to be completely honest with me...I can’t help you if you don’t.” Valentine dropped his voice into what he obviously thought was a caring paternal tone but really sounded creepy as fuck. “Your friend Ashley has been telling me you’ve been having some nightmares and acting differently during the day. What can you tell me about that?”

He took a moment to clear his throat. It was useless to deny what Valentine had said, so he answered. “Yeah, I’ve had a few nightmares. I can be a little jumpy during the day. “

“Uh-huh, and what were the nightmares about?”

“What do you think they were about? I was kidnapped for over two goddamn months!”

“There’s no need to yell. We’re all trying to help you here.”

“Yeah, okay...I know” Andy took a deep breath running a hand over his face. There was no way he was telling Dr. Valentine what he dreamed about, however that didn’t make any difference.

“Was it about you and Master?”

Andy swallowed feeling sick at that, today was supposed to be a good day and now he had to think about that again. Absently he scratched the back of his hand, trying to take away the sensation that his skin was crawling.

“You can tell me, it’s okay. Rape is a very disturbing--”

“Look can you just stop.” Andy quickly said halting Dr. Valentine, he was worried someone would overhear...and he couldn’t think of a worse way for everything to come out then for his closest family and friends to hear that some guy had not only kidnapped him but also raped him--multiple times.

Dr. Valentine reached out and Andy felt the man’s arm fall across his shoulders as the doctor pulled him closer like someone would do a close friend. Only he and the doctor weren’t friends and Andy was having to fight every instinct in his body not to run.

Valentine lowered his voice, and the sympathy he was trying to project was cloyingly sweet and not at all genuine Andy felt. In fact the man’s next words felt like a threat. “You didn’t tell the rest of them you were raped did you? I bet not even your _friend_ Ash knows.” Valentine lowered his voice even further. “If you don’t tell me what’s going on with you, I’m going to have to try to find out from your family and friends and I think you’d like to keep this between us wouldn’t you?” Andy read between the lines and got the implication. He felt his stomach drop, as he knew he would have very little choice but to tell Valentine something, or risk everyone finding out just what had happened those months ago.

“Okay what do you want to know?”

“I’m trying to help you Andy.” When Andy didn’t respond Valentine sighed, “Fine, Ashley tells me you’ve been having nightmares, what are they about?”

“I can’t remember them all. “ Andy scratched again running his fingernails down the back of his hand. “Everything is really blurry….there’s this guy. And I call him m-m-m--” Andy stopped unable to get the word out his mouth. He dug his fingers deep into the still healing gash in his palm, feeling the skin give way. It hurt, but the physical pain was nothing like the tightness seizing his chest as he tried to tell the doctor what happened.

“Yes?” Dr. Valentine’s voice sounded weirdly eager, but Andy didn’t notice. He was too busy trying to stay calm.

His fingers were digging so deep into his palm he could feel blood starting to leak down his hand. He forced his voice to steady and blurted the name out. “Master--I called him master.”

“Hmmm.” Dr. Valentine’s arm around his shoulders tightened slightly. “And do you remember what he looked like?”

Andy shook his head. “It’s all blurry, just glimpses, I can’t really say what he looked like. I just remember--”

“Go on.”

“He r-raped me, and made me do stuff…” Andy felt sick, but now that he had started he couldn’t stop. “And he did stuff to me.” He rubbed the back of his hand against one of the metal studs holding his crutches together. Aggravating the wound in his palm was no longer enough, pain flared up as he pressed his hand against the cold metal hard enough to feel skin tear loose. His voice was barely above a whisper as he confessed to the worse. “And I liked it...at least I think I did--I wasn’t fighting him a lot of the time later I think, and--and when we...did stuff...I got off, I remember _getting off_...so,this is my fault isn’t it?” Andy’s throat  was clogged, his eyes were burning as he ended. “I wanted it right? I mean ...I wouldn’t have got off if I didn’t want it? and I didn’t fight him, why didn’t I?”

There was silence that met his revelation and it stretched for several seconds, Andy felt dirty. He wondered what the doctor was thinking now that he knew, probably what everyone else would if they knew. _It was his fault._

Andy wasn’t sure what he expected but what Dr. Valentine said next had his stomach turning with guilt. “So Andy, what you’re saying is that you weren’t raped right?”

“What? No that’s not--I mean, yes--no--I”

“Shhhh,” Dr. Valentine cut him off. “You just admitted to me that the sex was consensual and you  enjoyed it, you wanted it--”

Andy felt confused, that wasn’t what he had said _was it?_ The other man was already continuing. “I’m just trying to help you make sense of all this...That’s what’s bothering you isn’t it? You weren’t kidnapped exactly. You deliberately sought him out, and then things went a little too far right?”

“No! I mean I can’t remember..”

“It’s okay, you don’t want to accept what happened. Your mind is trying to make excuses for you.” Dr. Valentine’s voice had adopted the fake paternal tone again. “I care about you Andy just like I care about all my patients and I want you to move forward. If you start to remember anything specific no matter the time I want you to give me a call, and I’m going to call the hospital about setting up counseling sessions. You’re going to get through this.”  Dr. Valentine clapped him on the shoulder and said. “I’m going to go talk with your friend really quick, don’t worry everything we just talked about will be kept private but I want to make sure he knows someone from the hospital will be calling soon to set up an appointment for you.”

“Sure.” Andy mumbled, still reeling after his conversation with Valentine. He felt numb, and stood there motionlessly until he heard footsteps nearing. He could tell by the pace and weight it was Ash.

“I just talked with the doctor and I know you didn’t want to go, but I’m really happy you agreed to--Andy? Andy are you okay?” Ash’s voice changed tracts as his friend really paid close attention to him. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Andy forced his voice to sound normal. “I’m fine.” He shifted on his crutches. “So, is there food? CC said there was food, and I’m kinda hungry aren’t you? We should probably go eat.” Andy knew he was talking too fast, and took a step forward on his crutches mentally willing Ash to just let it go.

A hand on his chest stopped him. “Okay what’s up?”

“Nothing.” Andy tried to move again only to stop as Ash’s hand didn’t move. “Seriously I’m fine.”

“What’s bothering you?”

“I said nothing. I’m fine.”

“I know you okay?...so you can’t pull that I’m fine bullshit. What--” Ash broke off and then Andy’s hand was ripped from his crutch. “What happened to your hands.”

“Huh?” Only after Ash mentioned it did he feel the throbbing and realise what he had done unconsciously while he was talking to Valentine. “It’s nothing. I tripped while I was talking with--with Dr. Valentine and cut my hands on my crutches.”

“Both of them!?!” Ash said incredulously. There was a pause then Ash asked. “What were you talking about?”

“Just stuff--”

“Stuff? Andy what was the _stuff_? This wasn't an accident. You fucking shredded your hands.”

“I-I” He stopped, what he had been about to say. He couldn’t tell Ash. He felt guilty and embarrassed. Valentine’s words were ringing in his ears still _. You enjoyed it. You wanted it._ Instead of continuing he shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. I agreed to go to therapy that’s what you wanted right? So can’t you leave me alone?” The words started out vicious and then by the end they were pleading.

Ash sucked in a deep breath and Andy felt sure he wasn’t going to let it go, but instead he said. “Fine... Let me get a first aid kit and get your hands cleaned before your mom see’s it and freaks then we’ll go eat.”

“Sure.” Andy agreed nodding his head. He didn’t feel hungry, but he was grateful Ash was off the subject of what he and Dr. Valentine had discussed.

☽☀☾

Ashley had bandaged his hands a little while ago right before he’d been bombarded by people. Before...before Andy wouldn’t have minded being surrounded by his best friends and family. Now however, he wanted to turn in towards himself and shut everyone out, especially after the conversation with the doctor.

He forced himself to talk to the rest of his family. He chatted and laughed with CC and Jake and Jinxx who had also come to see him, but his heart wasn’t in it. Jinxx seemed to sense it. When Andy was talking with him something was off, his tone was different, his words too careful like he was trying to figure out how to say something.

Abruptly Jinxx blurted out mid conversation about some prank they had played on a stage manager some months ago. “Hey Andy, I want to ask you something.”

Andy hesitated, he really didn’t want to answer any more questions, but he also knew that whatever it was Jinxx wasn’t trying to hurt him. “Yeah, sure.”

“I heard--”

He was cut off by Ash walking up. “Guys, food is ready.”

Andy was grateful for the distraction and with his crutches he quickly turned to where Ash was. “Let’s go eat.” Something told him that whatever Jinxx had been about to say he wouldn’t like it.

The food was typical picnic fare, but he couldn't concentrate on eating and only nibbled on everything. His anxiety was only exacerbated when Ash leaned towards him at one point during the meal and said. “What were you and Jinxx talking about? He keeps looking over here.”

Andy shrugged. “It was nothing.” He said the comment offhandedly but his heart was beating a little faster. He played with his food for as long as possible, hoping to stall the inevitable conversation. But when the picnic table had cleared and Ash had wandered off to go talk with someone else, Jinxx pounced.

Andy stiffened as he felt the other man slide onto the bench next to him. The chips and hot dog he had been attempting to eat fell from his fingers. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.” Jixx replied.

“Well you’re going to.”

“No, I--”

“Yeah, you were. You were going to ask me what happened right? Like what really happened.“ Andy tried to keep his voice level and had to take a few deep breaths before starting again. “That’s what everyone wants to know….like it’s not enough that I just got kidnapped or anything but you want to know the details.” His voice was hoarse and thick as he finished quietly. “But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters, okay.”

“It does matter.” Jinxx hesitated then rushed on. “I know what happened.”

Andy felt his heart skip a beat at that and turned to where Jinxx was, staring at him with sightless eyes. To his credit the other man didn’t react except to continue. “You didn’t _just_ get beat or kidnapped you were _raped.”_

Andy froze at those words, barely a second passed then he was trying to get up without his crutches and saying with as much conviction as he could. “Well, you’re wrong--that’s not what happened and--”

“Nobody’s around. It’s just us okay?” Andy felt a hand on his shoulder, firmly but gently pushing him down and Andy fought to control himself so Jinxx wouldn’t realise just how much that simple action had him freaking out inside. He sat back down.

Jinxx was still talking. “I didn’t mean to hear, but I heard you yelling when you were talking with that doctor and I wanted to make sure everything was okay, then I overheard that Doctor--Valentine and I know I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help listening in--”

“You had no right!”

“Look, I know that. I know I shouldn’t have heard but I did.” Jinxx sounded desperate. “This isn’t something you should just brush off, what that guy did--”

Andy could feel his fingers trembling. He picked up a chip chewing it without really tasting it just to give himself something to do, but his mouth was dry as Jinxx continued. “-was wrong. Okay? There was no way that was--”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Andy--”

“I don’t want to okay?” Andy’s stomach was turning but he forced himself to continue. “I just want to forget it happened.”

“You can’t keep this bottled up. You should at least tell Ash--”

“What?” Andy felt his gut clench at that. He couldn’t tell Ash but now that Jinxx knew how would he be able to keep it a secret. “Please, you can’t tell Ash. He can’t know.”

“What? He--”

Andy reached forward grabbing Jinxx’s arm. “I’m serious. You can not say one fucking word about this or --or--” He was aware he was stammering but he couldn’t stop himself. He tried to keep it together but before he knew it his eyes were burning again and they felt wet. He couldn’t stop pleading and was aware that Jinxx was more than a little freaked by his behavior but none of that was important.

“I’ll tell you whatever you want--I’ll tell you everything--” His skin felt cold all over, and he was breathing to fast. “I’ll tell you what he--I--we did and--” Just like that it was all too much. _You wanted it._ He didn’t want to tell Jinxx but he had just promised to and he didn’t doubt that the other man could wear him down if he wanted to. Then he would be telling all his secrets...how all of this was his fault. The thought brought his nausea to a head and he lurched upright.

Jinxx must have sensed where he was trying to get to because he felt the other man’s hand on his shoulder helping him to a garbage bin a few steps away. Andy heaved a few times bringing up most of his lunch, and when he straightened up he was full blown crying.

Someone must have come near because Andy could hear a voice ask. “Hey are you alright.” It took him a moment to realise it was CC and Andy cringed as he thought about all that Jinxx was going to tell him.

But surprisingly Jinxx answered. “We’re good. I’ll talk to you later, can you give us some privacy?”

“Yeah sure, okay.” CC sounded uncertain but after a few seconds Andy heard him move off.

“Might as well let him fucking stay.You’re just going to tell him later.” Andy didn’t mean to blurt it out or sound as mean as he did, but he was too angry to bite his tongue.

“No I’m not.” Jinxx answered, before Andy could decide whether he was telling the truth the other man was offering him some water and a napkin for his mouth and eyes before saying awkwardly. “There’s a pond a little bit away from everyone else, let’s go there and talk.”

Andy sensed the comment was non-negotiable and even if it wasn’t he was tired. The effort of acting like everything was fine was too much. Grabbing his crutches as they hobbled passed the table, Jinxx guided him to the pond he was talking about.

There was several moments of silence before either of them spoke. When one of them finally did Andy was the first. “What do you want to know?”

“Only what you want to tell me.”

That was something Andy hadn’t considered. Valentine had all but threatened him into telling, and he had expected Jinxx to be the same (without the threats, but still making him tell). Andy hesitated thinking about just how much he wanted to tell the other man. Did he want to tell Jinxx everything? There were things he still didn’t remember but what he did had his breath beginning to quicken. Instead of giving his panic a chance to mount he dove into it.

He tried to make his words offhand like it wasn’t important. “So, yeah we had sex.” He felt like he couldn’t call it rape--it wasn’t. Valentine had said as much.

Jinxx sounded incredulous and cut him off before he could continue. “You _had sex?_

“Yeah, we had sex.” What he perceived as Jinxx’s disbelief pissed him off so Andy continued sarcastically “You know what sex is right? He put his dick in my ass, and my mouth. And fondled me and I sucked him off, and he sucked me off once or twice and he did every fucking thing he wanted to me, day after day--and I couldn’t say no--that’s _sex._ ” He had started out sarcastic by the time he had finished his voice was tight with the effort of keeping his emotions in. There was silence for a few moments and Andy could tell Jinxx was horrified by what he had just heard.

When he spoke his voice was halting at first. “No...Andy--that’s rape. You can’t tell me that you asked for that or actually enjoyed it. The man kidnapped you, beat you. He even tried to kill you and he almost succeeded too. Whatever happened, that guy forced you.”

Jinxx was confusing it all, Andy thought back to his dreams and skewed memories. Master hadn’t forced him, Andy had wanted it--he wanted to make his Master feel good. His master had cared about him and Andy had too.

“You’re wrong, I wasn’t forced--not really, Master--” He stopped mid sentence as Jinxx made an angry noise.

“Master? He’s made you call him Master?” Jinxx continued. “That’s one of the numerous fucking things wrong with this. He’s got you so fucked up you think this was right in some twisted way you think this was your fault. Well, it wasn’t.”

“Jinxx, you don’t understand! I-”

“No, _you_ don’t understand. Listen to me! This--”

“Just stop.” Andy couldn’t take it anymore he had to tell. Jinxx would hate him--everyone would. What kind of person would have enjoyed what he had... being used like a piece of garbage--and yet Andy had. He screamed, cutting off Jinxx. “I got off!”

“What?”

“You heard me right, I got off.” Andy couldn’t keep the bitterness and anger from his voice. “After the first few times when he--we had sex, or he touched me or made me blow him, most of the time I would get off. I liked it! I fucking liked it, so you don’t get to tell me it was rape!”

There was silence then, all Andy could hear was his own harsh breathing. He waited for Jinxx to walk away--for him to tell him he was disgusting, or agree it had been Andy’s fault, or for anything,  but the silence that stretched on.

“Go on, say it! Tell everyone what a sick fuck I am, tell Ash, tell me I deserved it, tell--” He stopped talking his voice was muffled by tears. “Just go.”

“Is that what this is? You think that because your body reacted and that guy brainwashed you into believing you asked for it, then that makes it not rape?” Jinxx sounded pissed. “That’s bullshit Andy- pure fucking bullshit. You didn’t ask for any of it-that guy coerced you.”

Andy froze as he felt Jinxx’s hands on his shoulders and the other man’s voice was firm. “You _did not_ ask to be raped. No, one _asks_ to be raped. So this is _not_ okay.”

He wanted to believe Jinxx, tears were streaming down his face, but he nodded. Jinxx pulled him into a hug. “None, of this is your fault man.” He whispered rubbing Andy’s back and just like that the facade that everything was alright broke and he finally let it all out.

After a few minutes he managed to get himself under control and pulled back awkwardly from Jinxx. One question was still to be answered. “Are you going to tell Ash?”

Jinxx didn’t answer at first and he waited so long Andy wondered whether he was going to. Then abruptly the man sighed. “No, I’m not.”

Andy relaxed at that, relieved at least Ash wouldn't know. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” Jinxx added. “You’re going to tell him yourself.”

“Or what?”

“Or nothing. I’m not going to threaten you. You’re going to tell Ash because it’s driving him crazy trying to help you when he doesn’t even really know all that’s wrong. I know you care about him--”

Andy blushed at that. He knew Jinxx was the most observant of the band but he wondered just how much the other man had realised, Jinxx didn’t remark on the way Andy’s cheeks had reddened instead he continued. “And you care about him. So, you need to tell him and work things out.”

Andy wanted to argue but he knew Jinxx was right. It was time to tell Ash. He nodded “okay.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

_“Finally going to get my freedom from the evil clutches of the crutches today :D”_

_~ Andy on Twitter_

It was a few weeks later and he still hadn’t told Ash. The car ride home had been awkward as Ash kept trying to find out why his eyes were red, and Andy had lied, but the truth was after talking with Jinxx he felt better. Not, 100% better but enough that he was okay.

So, he didn’t need to tell Ash right? If he was getting better on his own then he didn’t need to burden the other man with his problems. He was going to counseling and even though he felt like the woman was one of the most incompetent psychiatrists to ever counsel someone, he continued going because at least it seemed to make Ash happy.

Andy moved his left leg experimentally, relishing the feeling. He and Ash were in the car riding back from the doctor’s office. Finally after several long weeks his cast had been removed and he had been given permission to stop using crutches. It was a development he couldn’t be happier about.

“Hey you know, we should do something special for dinner tonight to celebrate your freedom from crutches.” Ash gave a slight laugh. “It was getting tiring carrying you everywhere like a damsel in distress.”  

Andy tilted his head in Ashley’s direction and stuck his tongue out at him in an oh-so manly manner. “You bastard! That was just like--once.”

“Liar that was more than once...try over ten times.”

“Not my fault you’re an overprotective bastard who thinks I’m going to break something if I walk a few steps by myself.”

“Maybe that’s because I know you and you will?”

“Touche” Andy had to grin at that remembering all those times during tour he actually did break something or injured himself. “What should we do for dinner?”

“Hmm, that’s a good question, I’m not really feeling take out again. I’ve got an idea….but right now though, we need to get you to the DMV so you can switch over your license.” Andy swallowed and nodded. He’d forgotten about that. Driving was something he’d never get to do again. To take his mind off that he added. “We should also go pick up my cane from the Occupational Therapist while we’re out.”

“Oh right, yeah good idea. We’ll do that right after.”

At the DMV, Andy felt somewhat self conscious. Before he could say that the stares he felt and whispers directed at him were because he was wearing a cast or because his face was bruised….but now he had to accept that it was because he was blind. They didn’t have his cane yet so Andy was forced to hold onto Ash’s elbow as he navigated the lines of patrons.

They got a place in line and Andy felt himself blushing as not a minute had they been standing there when some guy said. “Here take my place.”

Andy wanted to retort that he was blind but not crippled but bit his tongue as he heard Ash thank the guy instead. He was silent as they got his license changed over and left, even though the woman at the counter really ticked him off as she spoke slowly like he was dumb not just blind.

So, he just smiled and pulled off his glasses opening his eyes wide so she could see the milky film permanently covering them. He smirked as she gasped with shock and tried to recover.

When they were outside Ash let out an exasperated sigh. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“Do what?” Andy said innocently.

“Don’t pull that. You know what. It’s not funny trying to startle people on purpose.”

Andy shifted uncomfortably Ash was right and yet….”Yeah, she didn’t have to act like I’m an invalid.”

“She was just being nice.”

“By acting like I’m dumb..” Andy said incredulously. He imitated her voice, making his words slow and long. “Now-deaaaar….weeeee neeeed a pieceee of mailllll--”

“You’re really being an asshole right now.”

“Whatever, I get fucking tired of it Ash. I’m still me, okay? People need to get that.”

Ash made a noncommittal noise.

“What I’m not?”

“Didn't say that. I just think if people are genuinely being nice you should take it for what it is. Like that guy giving us his place--”

“I wish _you_ hadn’t taken it.”

“He was--”

Andy cut him off, sighing. “It’s not being nice Ash. You just don’t get it. It’s taking pity. Two different things.”

Ash started to object then seemed to consider better. “Okay maybe you’re right, in any case I’m not going to argue.”

“Good.” Andy reached the car and fumbled for the door handle. Before he opened it he turned to Ash and said perfectly deadpan. “You driving or should I?”

“Haha, very funny.”

Andy laughed at that before climbing in.

The ride to the therapist was pleasant as they joked around and talked about less stressful things. He’d been thinking whether to update his Twitter account and post a tweet. Certainly his notifications would be ridiculous, as he hadn’t checked in over three months now.

“I feel like I should update the fans via Twitter. What do you think?” Andy moved his head in Ash’s direction as he felt the car pull to a stop in what he assumed was a parking lot.

“I guess that depends on what you want to tell them.” Andy scratched his left hand absently as he debated just how much to share. “Gotcha, let’s see--first I’ll start with a pic of how I look now...next a quick status update and some blind jokes to break the ice. What do you think of this: What do they teach a blind gynecologist in med school? How to read lips.” Andy started to tap on his phone before letting out a startled “Hey!”

Ash snatched his phone “You are not posting that. Do you know how many people you’ll insult?”

Andy considered it then smirked. “Then I’ll point out that I’m blind too. So how the fuck can it be an insult?” He snatched his phone back. “Gotta have some perks to this whole thing Ash.”

Ash sighed and seemed like he was wanted to say something else but instead said. “I’m not sure I like this new sense of humour you have.”

“New? Yeah okay...more like my old sense of humor reappearing. Also don’t lie you know you love it.” Then without further ado he activated his voice text and quickly sent his tweet. Satisfied he shoved his phone back in his pocket.“Okay, all ready.”

“You're terrible you know that?”

Andy opened the door and got out. “And you love me anyway.”

Ash laughed at that. “You know it...and take advantage of it.”

Still bickering good naturedly they walked in. Having been there for previous therapy sessions, Andy felt along the left wall until he found the front desk. He waited for the receptionist as he listened to her talk on the phone. It was quiet, save for the sound of traffic outside and the receptionist.

“Hello. How can I help you?” The receptionist sounded friendly as always, and Andy felt the need to give her a smile.

“Hi, my name is Andy Biersack and I’m here to pick up my cane? I was finally freed from crutches and it’s supposed to be ready today.” He tapped his fingers on the counter as he waited.

There was typing and rustling of papers for a second. “Andy Biersack you said, right? Let me go check in the back to see if we have it and I’ll be right back.”

Andy nodded and carefully made his way towards the seats on the opposite wall using Ashley’s voice as a type of beacon, so-to-speak. “I’ve got an idea.” Ash started as Andy settled next to him.

“About what?”

“What we should do for dinner.” Ash continued only to stop as the receptionist came back.

“Andy? Your cane is ready. Ms. Pelinski your OT would like to make sure it fits and check your use of it….shouldn't take more than a few minutes then I can imagine you’ll be all set to go on.”

“That’s my cue.” Andy stood up only to feel Ash’s hand on his shoulder halting him slightly.

“Wait up.” Andy paused thinking Ash wanted to come with him only to frown as the other man stood up and continued. “The lobby is kind of big I’ll walk you--”

Andy tried to keep the irritation from his voice as he gently but firmly disengaged his arm from Ash’s grip and told him. “Thanks, but I got this.”

“Andy.”

He wanted to snap at him, but Andy was getting better control of his emotions and was learning to take Ash’s desire to help for what it was and not attack the other man for his protective instincts. He turned towards Ash’s voice and smiled slightly. “It’s cool Ash, I’ve been coming to this place for a few weeks now, I think I can find my way around.”

Ash sounded uncertain but Andy heard him sit back down. “Okay, I’ll wait right here.”

Andy nodded and set off, running over the layout of the lobby in his head. It would be just the thing if he told Ash how he could handle this himself and winded up walking into a wall. As it was he navigated his way slowly but determinedly to the hallway where the occupational therapy part was and from there to the therapy office. It only took a few minutes to get stuff settled and then Andy was coming back grinning.

“All set?” Ash asked.

“Yep,” Andy nodded holding out his cane. “Now, I’m an official blind person, bring on the busy intersections and Helen Keller jokes..”

Ash fell silent at that and Andy knew that the other man didn’t like how he kept poking fun at the whole situation, but for Andy it was the only way he had been able to get a handle on things the past few weeks. If everything was a laugh---then he didn’t get the chance to cry--he’d rather crack a joke about tripping over a step for the hundredth time that week then blow up over it.

Fitting the cane in the car was a bit of a hassle even with it being collapsible but once everything was stowed Ash started again. “So, for dinner I was thinking we could stay at home and make something.”

Andy snorted at that…”Really, what were you planning boxed mac and cheese maybe we can get fancy and top it with some cut up hotdogs?”

“Actually, I was thinking lasagna and maybe--”

“Whoa, wait..you’re serious about this.” A thought occurred to Andy that he hadn’t considered. “Ash can you actually cook?”

The other man made a noncommittal sound.

“You, who has a fridge full of spoiled food and leftover take out most days can actually cook?” Andy leaned in Ash’s direction. “Why didn't I know? And more importantly why the hell haven’t I tasted some of this food? You’ve been holding out on me all this time!”

The time Ash responded sounding kind of embarrassed. “I only recently started taking classes...you know before everything happened….” Andy shifted uncomfortably at that but Ash was already continuing. “Anyway, I wasn’t sure anything I made would actually taste good--but you know while you’ve been at therapy and your appointments some days I would go home and practice. I was planning an actual home cooked meal as a surprise for you. Only I figured it would be more fun if we did it together.”

“Huh,” Andy settled back in his seat, now it made sense why the apartment had smelled like food more often than not when he came back from OT or meetings with his psychiatrist. He was touched that Ash had gone through all that trouble for him. He couldn’t help the smile that lit his face as he turned back towards Ash. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Really? Cool.” Ash sounded relieved. “So first things first, we need to stop by the grocery store.”

☽☀☾

It became clear that when Ash had said they needed to go to the grocery store he hadn’t actually considered what that would entail. He probably chose the worst time possible. It was late afternoon so the place was packed….too packed for Andy to use his cane...which okay he was used to more often than not--but that didn’t mean he was exactly happy having to hold onto to Ashley’s elbow as he maneuvered through the store.  
  


Well, maybe he was a little happy about having a reason to hang onto Ash but he definitely wasn’t happy about being lead around like a little kid.  

Andy was grumbling halfway under his breath. He was trying to hold his tongue but Ash didn’t like crowds anymore than he did and as a result the other man was moving much faster that he normally would in an attempt to bring their shopping trip to a close as soon as possible, which meant that Andy was being almost literally dragged along.

To add insult to injury they had been in the store no longer than about five minutes when Andy froze as he heard a high pitched yell. “OMG, oh my fucking God. That’s Andy---Andy Biersack.”

More high pitched squealing followed by the thunder of several people rushing closer.

“No--It can’t be--Oh hell it is. Shit! Get out your phone Leslie...quick.”

Andy cringed as he felt someone grab his arm. “My friend wasn’t sure it was you--but I totally was sure, even though you hair doesn’t look like it normally does--”

Andy momentarily wondered what was wrong with his hair before realising it must have reverted to his normal blond since it hadn’t been dyed in over two months.

Andy twisted his head towards where the voices were coming from only to hear some else chime in loudly. “Andy, I am like your biggest fan like out of everyone, I have like all your albums and like six BVB posters, and totally think your hair looks awesome blond, but you like look awesome anytime and OMG I can’t believe this is happening!”

She sounded like she was hyperventilating or something and Andy could only smile and nod even though he really wished they would go. It was even more awkward because the girls (or he assumed it was all girls) were practically ignoring Ashley in favor of him.

It all became even worse when one of the fans said. “I saw you updated your twitter page and is it true you’re blind?”

Andy swallowed, carefully keeping his eyes shut, he could only imagine the ruckus that would start if they glimpsed his ruined eyes. “Yeah, it’s true.”

“So does that mean you can’t sing anymore”

“Stupid--it’s his eyes not his voice. He’s just blind, he’s not totally crippled.”

Andy winced at that, bracing himself for an onslaught of questions and sure enough they started.

“So like the internet said you were kidnapped---well at first it said you were dead then it said you were kidnapped, what happened?”

“Did that guy really beat you?”

“Is he the one that blinded you?”

“Are you like blind forever?”

“Did it hurt? Did you think you were going to die?”

Andy really didn’t want to talk anymore but he kept making polite small talk trying to figure out a way that wasn’t totally rude to get them to leave. He was grateful when Ash broke in. “Don’t you guys have somewhere to be?”

Only then did the fans really seem to notice him. “Not really, and OMG Ashley can I get an autograph, you’re like my favourite in BVB except Andy, of course.”

“ _Of  course._ ” Ash muttered sarcastically, which the teen totally missed.

“….but anyway, hold on I have a pen somewhere.”

Andy listened as one by one the girls turned their attention to Ash now that he had been identified. They were still talking, prattling on. “I just want to say I think it’s really sweet the way you’re helping Andy out and taking him around now that he’s crippled, it’s like real life Andley. I always said you were the--”

Andy had winced again at the mention of their fanfiction ship and the crippled comment but he felt Ash stiffen next to him and the next words he said were deathly quiet. “After Andy was what?”

Silence had fallen over the whole group and the girl was desperately trying to backpedal. Andy didn’t have to wonder what Ash’s face looked like--he knew. Ash’s voice said he was seconds away from punching someone and the only thing saving the group in front of them was that they were just a bunch of clueless teenagers. “I just meant since he’s you know an invalid and--can’t do anything you were--”

“Okay that’s it.” Andy heard the sound of ripping paper. “You can take your fucking autographs and go home. He doesn’t need to stand and deal with this bullshit.”

Andy heard Ash’s voice rising and was both gratified that Ash was sticking up for him but also wishing that he wouldn’t do it in this manner. “It’s fine--seriously.” Andy reached out fumbling until he found Ash’s elbow and grasped it in warning.

“No, it’s not!” Ash ripped his arm from Andy’s grasp and continued. “You come up here in the middle of a goddamn grocery store, talking about stupid shit--which was fine--until you start asking about why he’s blind and what happened while he was kidnapped--do you think he wants to talk about that?---go read the fucking internet and sit there and squeal about it--what is your Goddamn problem--”

“Ash--” Andy tried again to cut in, but Ashley ignored him.

“Then you have the nerve to say he’s crippled and an invalid---I’d like to see you cope half as well as he has. Okay? So fuck off! All you fucking care about is staring at his Goddamn face--”

One of the teens tried to interject “But--”

Andy winced as Ash yelled at her “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“You don’t care about the music, you don’t give a fuck about him as a person you just--”

“Please, Ash just--”

Ashley didn’t even respond this time and Andy couldn’t help wondering if this rant was more than a rant and more like finally getting a chance to vent after all these months. In any case, yes this particular group of fans had been insensitive but Ash had crossed the line from being disgruntled to taking out every gripe on them and Andy had had enough.

He tried one more time. “Ash!”

And was once again ignored. So he turned and walked away, wondering just how long it would take before Ashley realized he had disappeared. He turned down an aisle at random feeling his way. As he walked Ash’s voice grew fainter….but it was still quite loud considering they were in a supermarket. Abruptly Andy heard Ashley pause and knew he must have finally realised he was gone. Andy thought about waiting for Ash to find him then decided he could make better use of his time by doing a little shopping and giving Ash some extra minutes to cool off.

He turned to someone that was passing and asked politely “Where is the pasta aisle?”

Fifteen minutes later, as Andy was running his fingers down the crinkly packages of lasagna noodles, he heard a yell. “There you are. I was about to call the fucking police.” Andy twisted his head in Ash’s direction as he heard him near.

“What the hell did you walk off for?”

Andy didn't respond immediately, instead he grabbed two of the packages he was examining and held them up. “I was helping out with the shopping so which one? Right or left?”

“You were helping out with the shopping?”

Andy replied easily, lowering his voice seriously. “Im blind Ash not an invalid.”

“What I never said--”

Andy shook his head, “you just implied it.” He continued. “Those fans said it you freaked out--you just basically said as much yourself--point is, you can’t go jumping down people’s throat every time they say something about me.” Andy shrugged, “I’m blind now--and people are dicks, so learn to let some shit go.”

Ash seemed to want to say something else but instead he sighed. “Okay, I’ll try--next person that asks about what happened when you were kidnapped though--”

Andy cocked his head to the side, smirking slightly at the threat in Ash's voice. “Those you can totally go off on.” He held up the packages again. “So which for dinner? I’m leaning more towards the left.”

Ash snorted. “You do realise you’re holding two of the same right?”

☽☀☾

“Are you sure this is the best idea?” Andy couldn’t help being apprehensive...under the best conditions he was clumsy now being blind he was beyond clumsy...add boiling water, metal implements and knives to the mix and Andy didn’t trust himself not to seriously hurt himself or Ash.

“I’m positive.”

“Seriously, Ash I don’t--”

“I’ve got this under control. What it comes down to is do you trust me?”

Ash waited patiently and it took Andy barely a second before he answered. “Yes but--”

“No, buts.”

“Fine.” Andy tried a different track. “Why can’t I just you know drink a beer and watch from the counter it’s not like I can read the recipe to follow it or anything?”

“I’ve got that covered too.”

Andy felt a card slipped under his fingers and frowned. Ash added helpfully. “I got the recipe printed out in braille.”

Any argument he was about to say fell away as he realised the trouble Ash had gone through to plan this out, the very fact that he had a braille version of the recipe said the impromptu dinner wasn’t as unplanned as it seemed.

Andy awkwardly ran his fingers over the bumps on the card trying to make sense of the words. It was more complicated than the simple readers he had just learned to read and he found himself having to say reluctantly. “Ash I don’t know if I can read this.”

“You can. The recipe is fairly simple.” Ash started to read it off and Andy followed along as best he could until he had a fairly good idea of what they were doing then they got to work.

Ash gave him easy tasks handling the bulk of the prep, but once the water for the lasagna noodles was boiling and the meat sauce was cooking they started prepping vegetables for a salad. Andy was about to step back when he felt Ash slip a knife into his hand.

“What? Do you want me to kill myself or are you trying to die? Because blind me with a knife is infinitely worse than regular me with a knife.”

Ash chuckled at that. “You’ll be fine.”

Andy realised Ash didn’t get he was serious. “Ash I’m not joking, blind people don’t use knives. I start cutting in T minus five seconds there will be blood I guarantee it.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Ash, I already told you I do but that had nothing to do with--”

“Yeah it does, you also need to trust yourself, you can do this.” Andy felt Ash slip behind him then the knife was being placed gently in his own hand as Ash talked. “I’ve watched a few youtube videos, it’s just a matter of paying careful attention to where everything is at.”

“Okay.” Andy said uncertainly, he unintentionally stiffened as he felt Ashley’s breath on his cheek and then the man’s voice was by his ear. His hand wrapped around Andy’s.

“I’ll help you with the first few slices.”

“What--yeah, okay.” Andy was having a hard time focusing with Ash so close. And this time it wasn’t any fear, it was pure pleasure. Maybe it was Andy’s imagination but he was fairly sure he felt the other man press even closer until Andy could clearly feel Ash’s chest against his back and Ash’s groin half hard against his behind. He could feel his face heat up as Ash’s hands guided his.

It was lettuce--or maybe arugula--actually Andy had no fucking idea what they were cutting and he was fine with that. A few more seconds passed and then Andy felt Ash’s groin rub against him...he thought it was an accident...maybe it was but then it happened again….and Ash was leaning closer, until Andy could feel every contour of his body. Then it happened again, a definite grinding motion and Andy heard the other man’s voice hitch. Just for a second but it was there.

Andy himself was growing hard, he tried to steady his grip on the knife but his fingers were trembling...and Ash’s grip seemed to be coming similarly unsteady. Andy felt the memories from before threatening to surge up and forced them down...thinking only of Ash, but it wasn’t enough. Abruptly he moved, imagining Master’s fingers crawling down his neck. He came back to himself when he heard Ash give a yelp.

“What happened?”

Just like that the pressure was gone, Ash was pulling away. He sounded breathless. “I cut myself.”

“Sorry.” Andy quickly apologized feeling guilty.

“It’s not your fault. Just--just give me a minute to take care of this I’ll be right back.”

Then Ash was gone and Andy was left standing in middle of the kitchen with the knife still in his hands.

_What had just happened?_

Andy, carefully placed the knife on the counter then went towards the bathroom intending to make sure Ash was okay. He froze as he reached the bathroom door and heard a zipper being undone then the sound of panting. His face reddened even though there was no one to see as he listened to Ash give a low moan, and Andy felt himself growing achingly harder as he listened.

He felt like a creep listening in and yet he was also turned on beyond any point of return. Before he knew what he had done he had carefully undone his own jeans and slipped a hand down. He set a rhythm to the time of Ash’s own panting and occasional moans.  As he stroked he imagined it was Ash’s hand not his own touching him.

His teeth bit into his lip, muffling any noise he would have made. Ash gave a loud cry and a minute later  Andy felt himself climax. He straightened up seconds later breathing hard and carefully went to Ash’s room where he had spare clothes so he could change. By the time he got back to the kitchen Ash was there.

His voice sounded weirdly husky as he asked. “Where were you?” Ash paused like he had noticed something before replying with his own question. “You changed clothes?”

“Yeah, I spilled some stuff in---I mean on--my pants.” Andy felt his entire face turn red at the slip but Ash didn’t comment. Instead they finished up the meal in awkward silence.  

Dinner was a quiet affair, Ash cleared his throat a few times during it like he was going to say something but each time he didn’t speak. Andy focused on forking lasagna into his mouth. He nearly choked on a mouthful as towards the end of dinner Ash finally said. “About while we were making dinner---I didn’t I mean…” He petered out.

Andy sensed what he was talking about and felt himself blush anew. But Ash was already starting back up.

“I mean you’re my best friend and I don’t want things to be awkward and I don’t know why I--It was a mistake--”

Just like that Andy knew what to say, even though his heart sank a little...what had just happened was a one time thing--a mistake as Ash put it. So Andy gave him a way out. “What are you talking about? You bumped into me and I jerked out the way and you cut your hand.” Andy took another bite of lasagna though now his mouth felt dry.

“Yeah---no--I didn’t mean--” Andy waiting wondering had he read Ash wrong and did the other man have the same feelings for him...but after a moment Ash sighed sounding defeated. “Yeah okay.”

Andy nodded, and gave Ash a slight smile before quickly grabbing his plate and walking towards the kitchen. “I’ll start cleaning up.” He walked fast so Ash didn’t get a chance to see his face where the disappointment and hurt was clearly there.

The days passed in a companionable but awkward way. Ash was being overly polite, not coming any nearer than necessary and finding reasons to stay away from Andy (or so he thought). It was driving Andy crazy.

So he was grateful for a reason to get out of the apartment and (if he was honest) away from Ash for a few hours. The opportunity came when they were sitting on the couch watching some bad sci fi show (or more like Ash was watching and Andy was listening).

The phone rang and Andy sat his beer down and got up. He snatched up the receiver, only to hear a woman say. “Can I speak with Mr. Biersack please?”

“Speaking.”

“This is Lauren Cortenelli, your lawyer.”

Andy frowned he wasn’t aware he had a lawyer...well except for band stuff...but this was different. He hadn’t heard of this women before.

“Okay…” He said uncertainly. He pulled the receiver away from his ear and turned to Ash who had walked up. “I have lawyer named Lauren Cortenelli?”

“Oh, yeah. She’s taking care of the whole thing with your kidnapping.”

Andy was more than a little disgruntled with Ash keeping him out the loop and frowned at the other man before focusing back on the woman who was speaking with him. “Your friend has been saying you weren’t feeling up to giving a statement.” Andy glared at Ash.

“But I’m happy you sound like you’re feeling better...we really need you to come down to the police station and give a statement. So far Mr. Hopkins, has--”  
  


“Hopkins?” Andy asked realising he knew no one by that name.

“Thomas Hopkins, the man who held you captive for over two months.” Andy froze at that as Lauren continued. “Anyway, his lawyer is claiming that you weren’t kidnapped and that everything including the sex he had with you was consensual. Basically a very harsh version of BSDM….now since permanent disfigurement isn’t exactly something we allow we’re holding him for blinding you...also he was found to have several unregistered weapons in his house and some prescription drugs….but even with those charges he might walk soon,---and if not we’re looking at a few months at most unless you can get us a confession and you give us a deposition.”

Andy couldn’t believe what he was hearing and yet, he remembered the police officers back in his hospital room basically telling him how his captor would get off and then, Valentine flashed in front of his face _You wanted it…._

He felt his face grow pale and didn’t realise he had dropped the phone until Ash was holding it talking loudly to the woman still on the line. “What did you just say to him?”

There was a pause and Andy heard quick muffled words from his lawyer then Ash was answering. “Hell no. He’s not going down there.”

Andy reached out snatching the phone back before Ash could agree. He had to do this...if he didn’t then Master would walk free and the only thing Andy feared more than meeting Master was him on the streets free to do whatever he pleased again.

“I’ll go.”

“What--”

Andy grabbed Ash’s arm gripping tight enough that he fell silent. Instead he forced his voice to be steady as he asked for a time and date and the directions to the police station. As he clicked off the phone he turned back to Ash, knowing his face was bone white.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ash said quietly.

“I have to.” Andy responded.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our thoughts are with the people and families of Orlando, Florida. Homophobia and hate has no place in society. May the families and friends of the victims find peace and the community heal. And let all those who see such bigotry not stand by and do nothing but speak up and act to prevent another tragedy. No one deserves to have their life taken for how they LOVE.

“You don’t have to do this.” Ash said for probably the tenth time that morning.

Andy didn’t even bother to respond this time, he didn’t trust himself to speak. Instead he took another bite of cereal trying to keep his hand from trembling. Ash had been hovering around him ever since he had woke up and his anxiety was only adding to Andy’s own.

“Can’t the lawyer--”

Andy slammed his bowl down, and stood up. “I’m going to grab a jacket then I’ll be ready to go.”

He understood why Ash was against him meeting up with them man who had kidnapped him...and yet Ash didn’t understand why Andy had to.

The car ride to the police station was silent. And with every minute Andy’s anxiety only grew. By the time they reached the station his heart was thudding in his chest and he felt nauseated. He tried to square his shoulders, projecting a confidence he didn’t feel as he walked up the steps and into the Los Angeles Police Department. He was met by a wall of noise and the people bumping into him as they rushed around. It took a moment for someone to notice him and when they did the noise level in the station dropped noticeably.

A few seconds later Andy heard footsteps nearing and someone asked. “Excuse me can I help you?”

Before Andy could respond another voice cut in, it was a man’s voice and sounded vaguely familiar. “I’ve got this Morales.” The footsteps moved away just as Andy recognized the voice that had just spoken. It was Detective Langforth from back at the hospital. Just as he came to that revelation the man was introducing himself. “We met a few months back while you were still at the hospital. I’m Detective Langforth, me and my partener Officer Cole questioned you then. I’m happy to see you like you’re doing better.”

Andy really didn’t like the man after the way he had relentlessly questioned everything he said but he tried to keep things civil by giving a small smile and saying. “Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better.”

“Glad to hear it.” Langforth then addressed Ash, his enthusiasm sounding much less than genuine. “Nice to see you again also Mr. Purdy.”

Ash to his credit kept his reply polite...on the surface. “Likewise.” Andy grinned as he heard Ashley add so only he could hear. “asshole.”

They followed the officer to a room, away from most of the noise. It was cool, and smelled faintly of urine and body odor. Langforth explained as they followed him in. “Your lawyer wanted to meet with you first. We already had Hopkins brought down from the jail, so whenever you’re ready we’ll let you go talk with him. I’ll fill you in on that before you go in okay?”

“Okay.” Andy answered, but his throat felt dry and his voice sounded small to his ears. It all felt like it was happening too fast. He settled down as he felt Ash lay a steadying hand on his shoulder. He whispered, keeping his voice pitched just for Andy. “It’s fine. Whatever you need I’m right here okay?”

Andy nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He nearly jumped as he heard a quick clack of heels on the tiled floor then someone was grabbing his hand and shaking it once briskly. “Lauren Cortenelli, and you must be Mr. Biersack right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” Andy answered, preferring not to make any small talk. He didn’t want to get familiar with her, he just wanted this all over with as soon as possible. But she was already continuing.

“Or is it okay if I call you Andy?”

It wasn’t okay, but he shrugged anyway. Preferring to instead walk forward until he found a table and chairs. He carefully navigated his way to a seat and sat, his legs were trembling. He waited, his fingers tapping on the table as Lauren and Ash sat down.

When they were all seated he heard the rustle of paper then she started. “You’re going to have to appear in court. I tried to get a plea, but the defendant, Mr. Hopkins is refusing to plead guilty to any of the charges, kidnapping, assault and battery, sexu---”

Andy cut her off quickly before Ash heard. He still hadn’t told the man and it wasn’t until now that he realised just how much was going to come out today. “So he’s going to walk?”

“Not if I can help it.” Lauren continued. “I was initially going to have you do a deposition and use that for a plea, I tried to scare his attorney with the threat, but they’re not budging. So I’m not going to make you go through that kind of questioning when you’re already going to have to testify in court.”

“What?” Andy felt sick, he bit his lip tugging at the lip ring there. He could imagine what it would be like to have to stand in front of a judge...with _Master_ just a few feet away. And Andy would have to tell everything that happened and everyone would listen... _everyone would know it was his fault. That he hadn’t been raped, or beaten, or even tortured...that he had wanted it--and maybe they would get Valentine and he would tell everyone what Andy had told him--and Jinxx had just told him it wasn’t his fault to make him feel better and--_

“I can’t!” Andy hadn’t meant to scream the words but he did. He was panting hard as he stammered. “I-I-I can’t testify.”

“Andy I know this is scary but if you don’t Thomas Hopkins will walk free and --” His lawyer started.

Andy shook his head, even the thought of _Master_ being freed wasn’t enough to stop the fear and shame he had with what had happened--and what would happened when he was forced to tell.

Ash tried to get through to him. “Andy, you can--”

Andy shook his head not wanting to hear what Ash would say because the other man couldn’t understand. He _didn’t_ understand...how vile--disgusting--worthless Andy was and if he had to testify...then everyone would know.

Andy couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up, not even stopping to grab his cane as he made his way from memory to the door. Once there he gratefully opened it, shutting the door behind him as he walked a few steps away and leaned against the wall. He couldn’t catch his breath, his head felt like it was spinning and he was going to pass out or puke...or both-- any moment. He crouched down, hanging his head trying to calm himself.

The door he had just left slammed and Andy heard Ash coming near. He didn’t speak though, seeming to sense what Andy needed. Ash squatted next to him, his fingers kneading the base of Andy’s neck.

“Just breathe---you’re okay--you’re fine--I’m right here.” Ash kept talking, his words quiet and soft.  It was several minutes before Andy was able to raise his head and settle into a sitting position on the ground. He felt Ash settle down next to him.

“What is it?” Ash asked. “Are you--are you scared of him? Is that why you won’t testify?”

Andy shook his head, his fear of Master was one of the reasons but not the main reason.

Ash hesitated then blurted out. “Do you want him to get off?”

Andy froze at that. He felt sick that Ash had even considered he might want that. But everything was so twisted in his mind he couldn’t honestly answer that question 100% himself...to give himself time he asked a question of his own. “Why do you think that?”

Ash blew out a breath. “I heard the way you talk about that guy, you make apologies for him without realizing it, I’ve heard you cry out his name--not his real name what he made you call him--in your sleep. And sometimes--when you’re awake I’ve heard it too... _Master_. He’s got you so messed up you don’t even want to do anything against him even after he burned your goddamn eyes out..”

He felt even worse after Ash’s statements. It was clear the other man thought it was his fault too. Andy ran a hand over his face and took a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry--I’m sorry I--”

“Stop apologizing! You haven’t done anything wrong here.” Ash sounded frustrated. “I’m just trying to understand. I need to fucking understand!”

Andy swallowed at Ash’s raised voice and couldn’t help flinching as he heard him stand. Even though he knew somewhere in the back of his mind Ash wouldn’t hurt him his mind was saying something entirely different.

“I need to understand what that fucking bastard did that turned my best friend into this!”

Andy felt like he had been slapped at Ash’s words. He chewed the inside of his cheek feeling worse than ever. He wanted to sink into the floor, to curl up at home, to never have came but he couldn’t change any of the present so he forced himself to ask. “Into what?”

He wasn’t entirely successful with keeping the emotion out of his voice as he heard Ash turn and the other man noticed. “Fuck--Andy I didn’t mean it like that.” Ash came closer and Andy felt the other man crouch next to him again. “I want to find out what he did to you so I can fix this. I _need_  to know how to fix this. You’re hurting, every moment of every fucking day I see you you’re hurting, I see past the fucking jokes and pranks and I keep hoping everyday this will be the day you start to get a little better but you’re not. You’re just hiding behind more and more layers how broken you are...and I don’t know what you need from me. I don't know what to do.”

Ash’s voice was pleading and Andy could tell he was getting close to crying. His own eyes were burning as Ashley finished. “I thought at first if you didn’t meet up with this guy it would be better, and then I thought maybe you need to see him to let go, but now I don’t know. All I can think about is that guy getting free and him coming after you or someone else and that scares the fuck out of me...because I can’t lose you again.”

There was something in those words, something that made Andy realised that maybe Ash didn’t care about him just as a friend, but something else too. He couldn’t think about that though. Because Ash had mentioned Master coming after others and that had Andy thinking, about the others before him. Andy was the only one to have survived, but he remembered lying there as Master reminisced about the ones before...the ones he had killed to save. The _angels_ he had created.

That thought and Ash’s words of _I can’t lose you again_ had Andy standing up. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“What?”

“I’m going to testify Ash, I’m going to meet with Mas--Hopkins”

“You don’t have to do this for me.”

“I’m not--I’m doing it for both of us--and for the ones that didn’t get away from him. He needs to rot in jail, and I’m going to make that happen.”

“If you’re sure.”

Andy smiled in Ash’s direction and cracked his knuckles. “I’m totally sure. Time for Batman to meet his arch enemy, and save Gotham.” Andy walked forward, he could practically hear the eyeroll from Ashley.

“Great, I guess that makes me Robin.”

“Only if you want to be.”

The rest of the meeting with the lawyer was fast. Or maybe it just seemed fast because Andy wanted to get finished so he could finally meet up with Master and get it over with. In any case it was barely minutes before he was being led into a room behind the interrogation room where Master was being held.

Langforth was there. Everything seemed to rush by but Andy tried to focus. “Basically we need you to talk with him, see if you can get him to admit what happened. He says it was consensual everything that happened, and for the prosecutor to have a solid case we need a confession.”

And nodded. His lawyer had already told him as much and briefed him on some of what to say. Langforth wasn’t finished. “We’ll be watching everything behind this two way mirror. We can hear you but he won’t be able to hear us. If you need to stop at anytime then raise you hand.”

Langforth hesitated then added like he sensed it was going to be an issue. “We can’t let your friend come with you, I’m sure you understand.”

Andy expected Ash to say something but only heard muttering. Andy focused his attention back on the officer as he finished. “Also, you can have your lawyer, however Mr. Hopkins has waived the right to a lawyer while he's talking with you and has stated that he won’t talk to you if if yours is present.”

He had expected as much and wasn’t a surprise. Master wanted it to just be the two of them, the thought made Andy’s skin crawl. He heard a disgruntled sound to his left and knew Ash wanted to protest but preempted it by saying. “I’m fine with that.”

“Very well any questions?”

“No.”

“Okay then if you’ll follow me.”

Andy stepped out after Langforth. They had taken his cane so it wouldn’t be used as a weapon, so Andy was forced to follow closely after the officer. It was only a few steps then they were at the interrogation room. Andy walked in and waited as Langforth led him to a seat. He tried to calm himself as he heard an intake of breath and then for the first time in months….Master spoke to him.

“Hello, my pet.” The familiar voice brought unpleasant chills down his spine.

Andy didn’t speak, over the past few days he had thought of all the stuff he would say to the man who had held him captive for months, but now that he had the chance to talk his throat was dry and he felt frozen.

“You’re being shy, afraid someone will find out about us?”

His chest tightened at that but Andy still didn’t speak. Instead, he didn’t move as metal clinked and the he heard the sound of handcuffs resting on the table. “Aren’t you happy to see me? I know you’ve missed me as much as I missed you.”

“No.” Andy forced the words out his voice shaking. “Don’t try to twist this.”

“Twist what?”

“Y-you know what. I didn’t want--”

“Hold on now, is that what you’ve been telling everyone?” Master’s voice lowered. “I loved you and you loved me. You _loved_ what we did _together._ ”

“You beat me, you kidnapped me, you tortured me for months. You blinded me and tried to kill me, I didn’t fucking love any of it.”

“You can lie for them. I know the fucking cops are watching, maybe even that little _friend_ of yours. But you can’t lie to yourself. You wanted everything we did.”

Andy opened and shut his mouth as Master’s words registered. _Master knew about Ash--he knew about him, he--_ His thoughts were tumbling over each other as he processed what that meant. _How could he know._

“What friend?” His voice didn’t shake but it was taking all his strength to keep it steady.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know. _Ashley Purdy_ the one you’ve been staying with for these past months.” Master’s voice hardened. “The one who’s been taking care of _my_ pet.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hell yes you do. I know everything about you, you haven't been coming to see me, but I’ve been watching you. Every moment of everyday. I know it all.”

He was lying he had to be. And yet Master sounded so sure, so utterly confident, Andy couldn’t help feeling weak compared to the other man. The way he had felt when he was a captor was always just below the surface and now it was rising up again. He could feel the months of conditioning making itself known as he couldn’t help but believe Master. Master never lied. He controlled everything, Andy should have never defied him.

Master’s handcuffs clinked again and he continued talking. “I know about that picnic you had, everyone was there your family, your friends. I know where and when you’ve been going these past few weeks. I know about how you and Ashley aren’t just friends.”

“How do you know?”

Master ignored his question. Instead he asked one of his own, his voice low and soothing. “What am I Andy?”

Andy didn’t want to say it. He pressed his lips together, sinking his fingernails into his palm. He was trembling with the effort of not talking. Master spoke again, like he was speaking to a child.

“None of this is your fault. They took you away from me, made you confused. They don't understand us. But you do, you're my pet. So what am I, Andy...go on tell me.”

“Master.” He nearly choked on the word but it came out against his will. He heard some commotion behind him that sounded like someone was banging on the one way glass but Master was already continuing with another question, just as soft.

“And you’re my?”

Andy once again tried to not speak but the word came out anyway. “Pet...I’m your pet.”

“Very good...I want you to know I forgive you.”

“You forgive me?”

“I do, I love you and I forgive you for what you’ve done...what you’re doing. You and Ashley living together, probably fucking him every chance you get, sucking those pretty little lips around his dick, loving him like you should be loving me.”

Andy would have blushed but all the blood had drained from his face. “It--it’s not true.”

“You can’t lie to me. You don’t love him you love me, don't tell me he makes you feel the way I made you. You don’t get down on your knees and beg for him like you begged for me to do you, like a little fucking cockslut. “

Andy nearly threw up right then, as he felt hands reach across the table and Master’s fingers touched his own, caressing his hands. Andy felt his groin start to harden as it responded to the arousal he had been conditioned to feel. He could feel the man leaning so close his breath was warm and stale against Andy’s face. “I’m going to get out of here, and when I do I’m going to come for you my pet. I’m going to make sure nothing and no one comes between us ever again.”

As he had been talking Master had been leaning closer. Now he moved, his hand snatched Andy’s pulling him upright then Master was holding him pressed against a wall with his body, somehow his hands were free of the handcuffs and Andy felt one grope its way down the waistband of his jeans. “Kiss me.” Before Andy could make a conscious decision Master’s lips were against his own and  Andy wasn’t sure which one of them had closed the distance. But he couldn’t deny the hardness he felt at Master’s hands against his flesh, or the way he was responding without thought to the kiss. Before he could go further a door slammed and Andy heard yelling. Master was ripped away from him.

He could hear more people rushing into the room, then the sound of a body slamming against a wall. “You--god--damn-motherfucker--I will--fucking --kill --you.” Ashley was yelling and each word sounded like it was punctuated by a blow.  

Cops were yelling, “Get off him!”

“Somebody restrain him.”

“How’d he get free of his handcuffs?”

“Who let him in here?”

Ashley was still roaring as someone must have pulled him off. “Say one more fucking word and you’ll die. I will rip your head off if you even look at him!”

“Get control of yourself.”

“Let go of me!”

Andy slumped against the wall, as everything dissolved into screaming and cursing, somewhere in the background he could hear Master and the man was laughing.

 


	9. Chapter 9

_“Black Veil Brides bassist arrested”_

“It says here you’ve got a court appearance on the eighth.”

Ash made a noise that sounded like a grunt in response to Jinxx’s disapproving tone. Andy could tell Ash was pissed and Jinxx was beyond irritated. After, the confrontation with Master the cops had arrested Ash for assault, Andy been forced to call Jinxx to bail Ash out. Andy had the money but the police had refused to release Ash until they had someone to drive him home completely ignoring the fact that Ash had drove them both there, apparently it was some policy.

Now, Andy had to deal with a still pissed Ash and Jinxx who was teeming with questions about what had happened.

“They're charging you with assault.”

“Whatever.”

Jinxx let out an exasperated sigh. “You just said whatever to the fact that you’re getting charged with a fucking felony. Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?”

Ash didn’t speak, when he did he snapped. “Get off my case, if you want to know what happened why don’t you ask him?” Andy stumbled as Ash shoved past him and walked ahead.

Andy thought for a moment Ash meant to ask Master until he heard Jinxx say. “Fine, you tell me then?”

“I don’t--” Andy started to say he didn’t want to talk about it then changed midway as he thought about what had happened. “It was my fault.”

“Huh?”

“A few days ago, a lawyer called she said I had to go down to the station and tell the police what happened and talk w-with Master.”

“Shit.”

“So today was the day, and I was supposed to be trying to get him to confess--” Andy paused trying to keep his voice steady. Jinxx took the opportunity to ask.

“Wait why do they need him to confess? He’s a serial killer, he fucking blinded and tortured you!”

“They don’t have any real evidence of any victims before me and he said everything we did was consensual.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah.” Andy swallowed. “So he said he missed me and he loved me, and he knew stuff Jinxx, stuff he shouldn’t know unless he was watching me. He made me call him master--not forced me but I couldn’t stop myself. And he said he was going to get out and find me and then somehow he got his handcuffs off me and he kissed me--or I kissed him. I don’t fucking know--then Ash came in and started beating the shit out of him and the cops were there and everyone was yelling and--” Andy trailed off, not knowing how to feel as he replayed Master’s conversation over and over again in his head. His skin felt like it was crawling.

Jinxx was quiet for a moment and Andy wondered what he was thinking. When Jinxx spoke his voice was pitched low. “Did you tell Ash, about what happened?”

“No.” Andy’s voice was quiet and a little hoarse.

“Andy, he needs to know.” Jinxx tried to inject sympathy in his tone, but Andy could only focus on what Jinxx was asking him to do.

“I can’t tell him. If he--”

“Listen to me. You _have_ to tell him.”

“I can’t--”

“If you don’t I will.”

“What?” Andy stopped walking, he turned to where Jinxx was trying to keep his voice low. “You can’t, you fucking promised, no one can know, no one. I can’t--” He could feel his breath catching in his chest as his words became progressively louder and faster. He flinched as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Cool it. Don’t have a panic attack.” Jinxx sighed. “I’m going against my judgement here but I won’t. I’ll let you. But Andy you _have to_.“ Jinxx seemed to hesitate then he plunged on. “If you think that telling Ashley is going to make him like you less or think less of you it’s not. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, he cares about you...a lot. And keeping this a secret especially from Ashley is eating up both of you.”

☽☀☾

It was a quiet drive back home. They dropped Jinxx off and then it was just him and Ash. Every time Andy opened his mouth intending to say something he froze. It didn’t help Ash was giving him the cold shoulder and Andy couldn’t figure out the exact reason why. He had asked Ash was he angry with him and gotten a snapped “no” in response which did nothing to relieve his anxiety.

When they got home Ash slammed the door and Andy winced at the force. Ash snapped.  “You want something to eat?”

Andy shrugged not really hungry.

There was silence as and then Ashley said abruptly. “The Andy I used to know had a backbone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Andy asked confused and slightly hurt.

“Nothing, I’m going to make some burgers.”

“Okay.” Andy replied uncertainly, he silently followed Ash into the kitchen, feeling his way around the refrigerator until he found a bottle. He wasn’t exactly sure what type of liquor it was and Ash was acting too pissed for him to feel comfortable asking the man. Instead, he grabbed the bottle and settled at the counter. It was partly open, and the first sip clued him in, it was vodka. Part of him knew it wasn’t a good idea to drink vodka on an empty stomach and the other part of him didn’t care and just wanted to get really, really drunk.

He didn’t bother to grab a glass and began drinking straight from the bottle, about ten minutes in the bottle was more than half empty. He was contemplating finishing the rest and whether he’d black out or get sick first when something slammed down in the kitchen.

Andy automatically flinched at the loud noise. He heard Ash swear and asked carefully. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah there is. It’s you.” Ash spat the words out. “You’re sitting here getting fucking drunk, after you just acted like a total wimp. He’s got you so messed up you couldn’t even get a confession out of him! If anything you probably just fucking proved his story! Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“I didn’t--”

“You sat there and let him say and do whatever he wanted. Did you want him to get off is that it? You for some twisted reason don’t want him convicted?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like? I saw what I saw and you sat there and handed his lawyer his defense on a fucking platter. Everyone could see it, calling him Master, letting him touch all over you and acting like his damn lapdog. You kissed for god sakes, what the fuck was that?”

“Ash, please--stop yelling--please--I-I-I couldn’t…”

Ash was flat out screaming at him and Andy could feel his nerves fraying even more. It was becoming harder to stay in the present, flickers of memory would flash in and out mixing with Ash’s yells. “Don’t fucking tell me some excuse! I saw what happened back there Andy. You acted like a fucking pussy, made me so goddamn angry. What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Something in Andy snapped as a memory enveloped him.

_“What the hell is wrong with you!? You know better than to back talk me pet. What do you have to say for yourself, Pet?” Andy stumbled backwards as a heavy hand landed on his jaw, he tasted blood in his mouth and his head hurt. He flinched away as Master raised his hand and immediately looked down remorsefully._

“I-I’m sorry Master. I-it won’t happen again.”

“What?”

If Andy had been listening he would have heard the confusion in Ash’s voice but instead he was lost in part of a memory as Master’s conditioning kicked in.

“Andy what the fuck?” Ash said loudly.

Andy flinched at the comment. _Now, Master was angry._ A hand gripped his shoulder tightly and Andy lost it at that. He slipped from the stool the bottle of vodka falling from his grasp. Glass smashed on the floor but Andy knew he had to make this right. “Please don’t hurt me, please Master.”

The hand gripping his shoulder tightened and shook him slightly. Andy cringed, falling to his knees. _He hated doing this but he knew what would make this better, then Master wouldn’t hit him, then he wouldn’t make him hurt. Andy just had to make him feel good._

His fingers were trembling as he ripped his shirt off.

“What are you doing?” Ash sounded confused but Andy didn’t hear him instead he focused on pulling his jeans down so he was nude. He knew Master wanted him naked. Andy reached out grabbing Ash’s belt and undoing it.

Andy felt Master stiffen under his fingers and hurried fearing what would happen if Master continued being angry with him. It was bare seconds before he had the belt off and had unzipped his fly. He opened his mouth, slipping his tongue out prepared to tease the length in front of him before he swallowed it when the person in front of him jerked away.

“Stop.”

Andy trembled, as Ash pulled away. He tried to follow through desperately reaching for the man’s genitals, when hands gripped his shoulders pushing him back. “Please don’t hurt me. Please, I’ll do--”

A voice cut him off nearly yelling in its urgency. “Stop, Andy just stop.”

Andy froze as Ash continued talking to him and slowly the other man’s voice started to sink in. He sounded close to tears. “Fuck, just stop. You don’t have to--God, you don’t have to do this. I’m not going--I’m not going to hurt you, shit--”

Ash crouched down and Andy felt his shirt being shoved into his hands. “Please, get dressed and we’ll talk and--”

“I’m sorry.” Andy said the words automatically, flinching again as Ash touched his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize--you didn’t do anything!” Ash raised his voice and Andy cringed. He heard the other man take a breath and when he spoke again Andy could tell it was with effort that he was keeping his voice level. “I’m not angry with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Get dressed and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Andy nodded, he wasn’t sure whether Ash was telling the truth about being mad at him and even though some part of him knew Ash wouldn’t hurt him the other part wasn’t sure. “Yes Mas-” He caught himself at the last moment but he could tell Ash had noticed.

Andy waited until the other man had left the room then he slowly got dressed pulling on his jeans and T-shirt. He could hear Ash talking to someone in the bedroom and went that way hesitating at the doorway as he eavesdropped.

“What do you mean it’s his business?”

There was silence and Andy realised Ash was talking to someone on the phone. Before he could figure out who it was Ash burst out.

“This is fucking serious. Jinxx, you know something and I want to know what.”

A pause then. “I am going to fucking blame you. I thought there was something weird going on when we had that picnic and you and him were talking.” Ash sounded like he was breaking something and Andy could hear Jinxx trying to get a word in but Ash continued. “How did I fucking know? CC told me you two were talking. Then Andy comes back and I could tell he was crying and he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.Then today I saw you were talking to him again and I want to know about what ”

Jinxx was clearly yelling and Ash was continuing to overtalk him. Ash had put it on speaker-phone,Ash paused and this time Andy could clearly hear Jinxx yell.  “What the hell happened that freaked you out so much?”

“You want to know what happened? Andy came home and started trying to get royally shiftfaced and I was pissed when I got home after what happened back at the station, so I yeah I fucking yelled and the next thing I know Andy is calling me master and kneeling in front of me naked  and scared out of his mind trying to give me a blow job and telling me not to hurt him. So I want to know what happened.”

There was a pause in which Andy held his breath then he heard Jinxx. “Okay Ashley I’ll tell you some of it, but if you want the fucking details he’s going to have to tell you the rest. I promised him.”

Ash sounded like he wanted to argue but instead said, “Fine.”

“That guy didn’t just beat Andy.”

“What does that mean?”

“You said he called you Master and got down on his knees to suck you off because he thought you were angry...I think you know what it means.”

“He told you this?”

“I sorta overheard him talking with the doctor and I put two and two together. I confronted him, he didn’t want to tell me but he did and he made me promise not to tell you.”

“So you kept it a secret?”

“I didn’t keep any of this a secret because I wanted to. He said he’d tell you, and I wanted to give him that chance. He’s already been messed over enough he didn’t need me telling and taking that choice away from him too.”

Ash sounded exhausted as he asked in a quiet voice. “What do I do now?”

“Talk to him, and if either of you need anything at anytime, I’m around.”

Andy waited as he heard Ash get off the phone before he slipped into the living room only to smell burning meat. He went into the kitchen intending to put it out and had managed to get the skillet in the sink when Ash walked in. “Fuck, the burgers are ruined. I totally forgot about them.”

“It’s okay we can have pizza or something.”

“Yeah…” Ash seemed to hesitate then cleared his throat. “Andy about what happened…”

“Yes.”

“What was that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what--look--did something else happened when that guy kidnapped you? I mean I know he beat you but did anything else happen?”

This was where he could tell, this was his chance and yet he didn’t--couldn’t tell Ash. Not after what had just happened. So instead he answered. “No, why do you think something did.”

“I--Jin--it’s just what you did tonight, I thought--I thought something did.” Andy might have told but when Ash practically lied to him by not admitting about his conversation with Jinxx that only strengthened Andy's resolve.

“Well, it didn’t.”

“You fucking got on your knees and--”

“So what I was horny.”

“You were what?”

Andy dropped the burger pan in the sink, alcohol was partly fueling his actions as he turned to Ash and placed a slightly tentative hand on Ashley’s chest. His arms were shaking, from nervousness or desire, or the alcohol, Andy wasn’t sure. Now that he knew where Ashley was, he moved his other hand up the contours of the bassist’s pecs, feeling the smooth skin of his neck. After a moment, Andy took a step closer and felt along Ash’s jaw line to get an idea of where his target was. With no time for Ash to react, Andy leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ashley’s. With the hand that was still resting on Ashley’s neck, Andy threaded Ashley’s hair with his fingers as he pressed against Ash. Ash responded hesitantly at first but soon he was kissing Andy back. Andy pushed forward teasing his tongue into Ash’s mouth. He grinded his pelvis into the other man’s. Feeling them both harden.

Soon, they were breathless, Andy didn’t stop. He pushed Ash back against the counter, kissing his neck, his lips, his chest with desperate intensity. Feeling the other man’s breathy moans in his ears. Andy reached down fumbling for Ash’s zipper and then slipped his hand down feeling how hard Ash was. _He was fine this was okay. He had to show Ash he was okay._ All those thoughts were running through his mind as he pulled his hand from Ash’s hair to pull his own jeans down. Ash’s own genitals were free. Andy kissed Ash’s jaw, desperately. He felt hazy from what was happening and from the effects of the alcohol he had consumed. His voice was slurred as he leaned close to Ash’s ear and whispered while grinding into him. “Fuck me, master.”

Ash stiffened at that but Andy didn't realise what was wrong he continued. “I’ll show you I’m fine. Fuck me, make me yours.”

“No.”

“What?”

Ash pulled away, Andy could feel him shaking his head and tried to go in for another kiss. Ash pulled even further away. “Andy this isn’t right.”

“It’s so right, come on” Andy pushed forward grabbing Ash’s penis and starting to stroke it until he felt a hand gently grip his shoving his fingers away.

“You’re not doing this because you want to.”

“I told you I was horny? What do I need to do to show you.” Andy tried to move again and this time Ash yelled.

“Andy, just stop!” He sounded like he was about to cry as he whispered. “Please, I don’t want it to be like this.” Andy froze as Ash came closer and he felt the other man grab his jeans pulling them back up. “I don’t want us to be like this.”

Something in Ashley’s voice made Andy’s brain snap so that he was no longer fighting the training Master had taught him. _Did Ash want there to be an us?_ Absently Andy felt something warm and wet all over one of his knees but pushed the thought aside for the moment.

“Is...is there an us?” Andy’s heart was beating loudly in his ears and the apprehension he felt was palpable. This was it. Ash was going to say no, because who would want to be with him?  He was blind, and after what had happened with Master he felt ruined. It wasn’t just his body that had been taken from him, what had happened back at the station and tonight at the apartment made him feel like his mind wasn’t his own either.

Silence stretched on seconds feeling like they were turning into minutes. As Andy stood there he became aware of a throbbing in his knee and warmth still dripping down his legs.

The pain in his knee provided a welcome distraction from the nerves he felt as he waited on the bassist’s reply. Reaching down to his knee, Andy felt a rip in his jeans with something wet and sticky coating his fingers and realised his knee was bleeding from where he had kneeled in the shattered glass.

“I... “ Ash started and stopped. When he spoke again his voice was husky. “I don’t know, I thought--I thought there was but I care about you and I don’t want this to be because you think you have to because of some twisted training from that asshole. Or because you’re drunk off your ass and think you want to fuck. Because in the long run that’s going to hurt you more and--”

Andy broke in, his throat thick. “This isn’t about me being kidnapped--”

“It isn’t? Can you really say that you would have got down on your knees and tried to blow me tonight or fuck me in the kitchen if you weren’t drunk and you hadn’t seen that guy today and he has you all sorts of fucked up?”

“I--” Andy paused, his frustration growing. This wasn’t about Master, not in the way Ash thought it was. What he had felt for Ash was years in the making, not some reaction to his captor’s training...and yet now Ash’s words had him questioning his own feelings. He knew he loved Ash--he had thought he loved him like that but if he couldn’t even stop the blurring between Master and Ash then what did that mean. And yet Andy wanted to know, he had to know. So he blurted out. “I care for your Ash, I fucking love you and none of that changed because of Master.”

Andy froze as soon as the last word was out of his mouth, internally he was cursing himself. He couldn’t even stop calling his captor by that sick title he had been made to for months.

Ash’s voice was raw and sounded exhausted when as he answered. “You may love me, but you don’t trust me. I see it if even if you don’t. You’re scared for me to touch you, you flinch and don’t even realise it, you jump if I yell...and you won’t tell me the truth about what happened.”

“What do you mean?” Andy asked even though he already knew.

“You know. I want to know, and not because I care ...because you do. You think I give a fuck about what Master did to you like it makes you less of a person? Like it makes you less of the Andy I knew? It doesn’t.”

Andy’s mouth was dry. He didn’t want to tell, but he knew this time he couldn’t hold all of it back. “You say it doesn’t matter to you, but when you know you’re going to hate me. You’re going to say I deserved it.”

“No, I won’t.”

“You will.” Andy took a deep breath intending to speak but the words wouldn’t come. Minutes stretched and finally Ash broke the silence.

“You’re bleeding. You cut your knees.” Just like the subject was changed, but rather than feeling a weight off his shoulder’s Andy felt more pressure than ever. “Go sit on the sofa and we’ll get them cleaned up real quick.”

Andy nodded, and settled on the couch. A minute or two later Ash had sat next to him and got to work bandaging and cleaning his knees. Andy hissed out a breath as he felt antiseptic cleaning his cuts and the sharp accompanying stings as the liquid wet his skin.  He ran over what he was going to say, over and over trying to figure out how to phrase it. In the end as Ash finished one knee and started on the other Andy burst out with “I had sex with him.”

A sudden flush of liquid wet his knee as Ash must have accidentally spilled the bottle in his surprise. Andy heard Ash making a choked sound but now he had started he had to finish. “Almost everyday, he would come and--make me--” Andy stopped unable to continue and finished in a small voice. “We had sex.”

  
“That--that wasn’t sex.” Ash tried to touch him pulling him closer but Andy resisted. He wanted to tell Ash the rest about how he thought he had must have liked it because he had gotten off and how he should have fought back and how Ash should hate him but he found his eyes were wet and his nose and throat felt to clogged to speak. The first sob came out as Ash finally put his arms around him anyway ignoring the way Andy immediately stiffened. Andy was silently crying and he could tell Ash was too, as the bassist whispered. “That was rape.”


	10. Chapter 10

☽☾ **Chapter Ten** ☽☾

If Andy thought things would be better since he had told Ash, they weren’t. He avoided the other man as much as possible. Finding reasons to leave the room when he came in, or going to bed early. Ash had tried to be more affectionate and Andy had all but pushed him away not allowing the hugs or attempted kisses to turn into anything else and after a few days Ash pulled back to their normal friendly--(overly friendly sometimes) camaraderie.

They were nearly done with making breakfast, or more like Ash was making pancakes and Andy was half helping half listening to the news when something happened that changed everything. “Pass me a plate will you, there’s some to your left.” Andy brushed his hand over the counter until he found what Ash wanted then passed it to the other man as he listening to some woman talk about rising oil prices and global warming. He grabbed the warm plate of pancakes and followed Ash to the table as the news continued to play in the background. The next item made him freeze.

_“We bring you breaking news. In the recent high profile kidnapping of lead singer Andy Biersack of Black Veil Brides we have a new development and--”_

Ash made a disgruntled sound and went to turn it off, but Andy was curious. He knew Ash was trying to keep him from hearing the media rehashing what had happened to him again and again but he wanted to know what was going on. He grabbed Ash’s elbow as he went by. “Wait.”

The other man gave a grunt of disagreement but left the TV on. Andy turned his attention back to what the woman was saying as he chewed on a bite of his food.

_“We’re currently outside LAPD headquarters now. Thomas E Hopkins, the alleged kidnapper of Andy Biersack has recently escaped from the correctional facility where he was being held.”_

Andy choked on his food at that, he was still coughing as he listened. _“I’m told by sources that he was in route to another facility and somehow managed to escape from the transport. The exact way he escaped is unknown, however I can tell you that he was heard by prison officials over the past few days to be vowing to come after Mr. Biersack again. One source who wishes to remain anonymous states that Hopkins had a journal in which he details his further plans. We’ll be bringing you the latest as the case develops, back to --”_

The TV clicked off abruptly. Andy pushed his plate away, his hands were trembling. Ash was already starting. “The cops didn’t call to tell us that fucker was out and --”

Andy stood up, all he could think about was Master being out the man would find him and then it would all be over. And...Master knew about Ash. He turned to where his friend was still ranting and said. “I’m going out.”

“What? You just heard he’s out and that’s your response--you’re going out?” Ash sounded incredulous.

“I need to think.” He didn’t wait for what Ash said instead he felt his way to the door and left the apartment. It was a short walk down the stairs now that he knew how to navigate, once outside he leaned against the brick of the building and with shaking hands grabbed his cigarettes from his back pocket and his lighter. It took several tries but once he had one lit he inhaled trying to relax and figure out what to do.

He didn’t trust the cops, they obviously didn’t fully believe him plus somehow they had been incompetent enough to let a serial killer escape. Andy knew that Master was coming for him, and in fact could be on his way right now. That thought scared him but what terrified him more was what would happen to Ash when Master came.

The man knew about _him._ He knew about _them._

And after talking with Master Andy was sure that Master would punish Ash if he could, punish him for taking care of his _pet_ , and whatever other sick reasons he could conjure in his mind. Andy ground out the cigarette he was holding as he finished it and lit another. He had to leave, that was the only way to keep Ash safe...the only way to keep everyone safe.

Then when Master came after him it would be only him that would suffer..after all he was the only one that deserved it. He ran over his plans in his mind figuring out how he would get away, before a voice startled him out of his reverie.

“I keep telling you you’re going to get lung cancer.” Andy relaxed as he almost immediately identified Ash’s voice.

“How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to watch you go through half a pack.” Andy felt the cigarette plucked from his fingers and heard Ash take a drag. “I don’t know how the fuck you can stand these things.”

“No one told you to smoke it.” Andy said irritably trying to take the cigarette from Ash, Ash resisted and took another drag before saying. “Better I finish this one than you, your lungs are probably like tar right now.” There was silence for a few seconds then Ash asked casually. “So what were you thinking about?”

“I didn’t say I was thinking about anything.”

Ash sighed grinding out the cigarette, Andy’s lips itched for another but he knew Ash didn’t like him smoking so he shoved his hands into his pockets instead.

“You didn’t have to say anything. You were standing there with your intense as fuck face on, and I’ve seen that enough times to know you’re up to something so what is it?”

Andy took a few moments to find the words, but when he did they weren't anymore well received than if he had just blurted it out. “I need to leave. I can’t stay here with you anymore.”

“What? why?”

“It’s not safe. You’re...not safe.”

“what?...Where is this coming from?”

“I have to leave to keep you safe.”

“What the fuck Andy...listen to me, it--”

“No,” Andy talked quickly before Ash could continue. “I have to leave, because Master is going to come for me, and the cops, you...no one can stop him. He’s going to come and if I’m here--if I’m with you then he’s going to get you too. And he’ll do to you what he did to me...and I can’t have that--I can’t.”

“So you want to what--just walk away and wait for him to find you?” Ash sounded furious, his voice was loud probably half the street could hear if anyone was around. “You’re talking about making yourself a goddamn sacrificial lamb and for what?”

“To protect you!”

“I don’t need your fucking protection not like this!”  
  


“You don’t understand Ash! What he’ll do to you will make you wish that you were dead I deserve it, not you!.”

There was a pregnant pause then Ash said in a deadly low voice. “That’s what this is? You think you deserve to be raped and tortured and maimed? What the fuck gave you that idea? What makes you think that?”

Andy started to answer.. The secret was getting too big and for better or worse he felt he had to tell. “Because I asked for --”  He stopped as a phone rang and with a startled jolt he realised it was his cellphone. The moment was lost as he hesitated between continuing to talk to Ash and answering the phone. He made his decision as he picked up the call and answered. “Hello?”  
  


“Hi, this is Detective Langforth from the LAPD, I needed to speak with Mr. Biersack.”

“Speaking.”

“I’m calling to notify you that Thomas Hopkins escaped while we were transferring him to another facility. Before he left he mentioned to several guards that he had plans of contacting you, also--”

“Who are you talking to?” Ash asked. Andy held up a hand as Langforth continued.

“He left behind diaries that point to obsessive behavior over you and his... _relationship._ ” Andy swallowed at that, so that was what people were thinking now. He forced himself to focus as the man continued. “I don’t personally think it’s necessary but my chief is giving you a 24 hour police detail outside your house until we catch Hopkins.”

Langforth continued. “The car should be there in about 45 minutes. If you have any questions you can call the station.”

“O-okay. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, between you and me I don’t think it’s the police’s business to be getting involved in a lover’s spat.” With that the call went dead. Andy shakily pulled the phone away from his ear and turned to Ashley’s general direction.

“That was Detective Langforth. They’re sending a car for protection.”

“Good. What was with the face right before the call ended?”

“Just….It was nothing..”

“Why do I not believe you? You’re a really bad liar.  Be truthful for just this once with me. We’re in this together, and I can’t help you if I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

“It...it wasn’t really anything big, just a comment the Detective made. That’s all.”

“What comment?”

“I told you it wasn’t important.”

“Well it’s important to me if whatever it was makes you looked like someone just killed your cat.”

Andy grabbed another cigarette and lit it ignoring Ash’s grunt of displeasure. He took a few calming drags before answering. “He--he said it was a lover’s spat...you know me and master.”

“Lover’s spat?! That fucking douche-nozzle called it a lover’s spat?”

“It was just a comment, no big deal. Let’s go inside now. Please?” Andy listened as Ash took a few steps away, continuing his tirade. After a few moments, he heard Ash walk back towards him.

“Yeah alright, we’ll go inside. You’re barefoot again and it’s cold outside anyways. But this is not the end, I’m reporting that fucking asshole.”

Andy followed Ash back into the apartment building, listening as he continued talking about what he was going to do to Langforth. Part of him wanted Ash to let him go, and the other part was glad that even after all they had been through Ash still cared enough to flip his shit over what Langforth had said.

Fifteen minutes later they were back in the apartment when a knock sounded on the door.  Ash stopped the movie, _The Dark Knight,_ they were watching, or in Andy’s case listening, as Andy went to answer the door. “Hello?”

“This is officer Whyte and my partner Lee from the LAPD, we were sent on a protection detail for this address. Could you open the door?” Andy waited as he heard Ashley walk up behind him and look through the peephole. After a moment Ashley reached over and opened the door.

Andy backed up as he heard two people walk inside. “We’ll need to look around the place really quick, just to make sure it’s secure.” A woman’s voice answered, Andy assumed she was the other officer.

“It’s a third story apartment, what do you think he’s Spider-Man and is going to scale the building?” Ash sounded incredulous.

The woman, officer Lee, didn’t miss a beat as she said dryly. “Wouldn’t surprise me. Stranger things have happened, just being thorough.” Andy snickered at the woman’s reply, earning him an elbow to the ribs gently.

It took them barely ten minutes to check out the apartment then they can back in the living room. “Your apartment looks secure for the most part. You’ve got a fire escape but it’s broken so I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Lee continued. “We’re going to station a car outside, I’m also going to suggest that if he contacts you, you immediately call us and try to keep him on the phone.”

“Okay.” Andy nodded.

A radio crackled and Andy heard someone, probably a dispatcher start reeling off “ _Unit 4 please check in, we’ve--”_

“I’ve gotta take this be right back.” With that Whyte left, and they were alone. It was silent for a few seconds and for some reason Andy felt really awkward in those seconds.

Lee started talking again. “I think it’d be a good idea if an officer stayed the night. What would you say to that?”

Andy expected Ash to flat out refuse, but was surprised when he answered back sounding playful. “I’d say that depended on who the officer was.”

“And if I said it was me?”

“We don’t need anyone to stay over, thank you though,” Andy cut in. He wasn’t sure anyone was paying attention though because Ash answered.

“Then I’d definitely have to give it some thought.”

“I make a mean chili.”

“You’re inviting yourself over and bribing with food there’s got to be a catch, officer Lee.”

“Only if you want there to be one and call me--”

Andy had heard enough, “If we’re all set then you can leave now Officer. We’re actually kind of busy right now.” He was pissed off. How could Ashley stand there right in front of him and flirt with her like that?

“Right. Well if you have any problems Mr. Purdy. Call me.” Andy bristled as he heard the rustling of fabric. He could only imagine what had happened. It took everything in his willpower not to physically push the officer out of the door.

When the lady had left, Andy slammed the door harder than he intended. He stood there shaking with rage. Tears threatened to fall as he all but forgot the situation with Master. RIght then all he could think about was the betrayal he felt.

“What the hell was that, Andy? We were just talking!” Andy spun around and let out a slightly hysterical sounding laugh.

“Just talking?! You were fucking flirting with her! With me. Rght. Fucking. Here!”  
  
“Okay so what if I was? Why the fuck do you care?”

“Why do I care?” Andy was vaguely aware that he sounded a little deranged right then and there.

“Yeah, why do you care?” Ash stood up and moved closer his voice challenging. “There’s nothing happening between us, you’ve made that damn clear.”

“What?” Andy was confused, how could Ash have missed his interest. Hadn’t Ash himself admitted that there was a _them_ in so many words?

Ash continued. “We keep going back and forth, one moment you’re trying to fuck next moment you’re pulling away and I think I know what you want even if you don’t.”

Andy held his breath as Ash paused. What he said next had his heart sinking. “I’m comfortable to you. I’m safe, you know you can push me away and I’m not going to do the same to you. If you’re feeling bad or tired or horny or whatever, you can yell at me, you count on me, you can try to fuck me. _Ash won’t care._ Well you know what I fucking do. You won’t let anyone close, you won’t let _me_ close and I know why but I can’t do this anymore.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, I--”

Ash cut him off sounding final. “You're not trying to hurt me?” He gave a mirthless laugh. “Too late for that.” Then before Andy could speak he heard keys jingle and the door slammed. Then he was alone.

It was hours later, when Ash finally got back home. Andy could tell he was still angry, every time he tried to talk to him it was tight one-word sentences. And if Andy was honest with himself he was still a little angry about Ash flirting with the officer. One thing was clear, today had been a turning point.

They were both eating dinner, at opposite ends of the couch neither of them watching the bad late night movie when Andy finally blurted out what he had spent hours thinking on. “I think I’m going to move out.”

The comment was half truthful half a way to gauge what Ash was thinking. Andy kept his face neutral as he heard Ash reply. “I think that would be a good idea.” Inside however, Andy could feel something shattering. Maybe it was his heart, he wasn’t sure.

“I’ll start packing tomorrow.” Andy’s voice was calm, despite the turmoil he felt.

“Why don’t you pack tonight?” Ash added nastily. “The sooner you gather your crap and get the hell out of here the better.”

“Fine, if you really want that.”

“Oh, believe me that’s what I want.”

“You’re being an asshole.”

“I may be being an asshole. You _are_ an asshole.”  
  


“Very clever Ash.” Andy stood up tried to keep his voice level not showing the anger that was rising with every word. “Why are you doing this?”

“Maybe because I’m tired of you!” Ash got to his feet, he was yelling. “Maybe I want my apartment back, without you moping everywhere, or driving you to appointments or having to deal with your shit every god damn day!”

“Well, maybe I’m tired of dealing with yours!” Andy yelled back. “Fuck off!”

“Right back at you!”

Andy kicked the couch as he walked past then went to Ash’s room where he had most of his clothes and stuff stashed and grabbed a duffel. Angrily he started shoving items in, not bothering to fold them or pay attention to what he was packing.  

He stood up to to grab some more clothes from the closet and heard footsteps coming closer. He knew who it was and snapped. “Get the fuck away from me.”

“This is my room.” If Andy hadn’t been so angry he would have noticed the anger that had been palpable in Ash’s every word minutes before had mostly faded.

“I don’t give a damn.” Ash ignored him and came closer. Andy felt his duffel ripped from his grip and then unceremoniously heard Ash upend it and dump the contents on the floor.

“Mother fucker!” Andy was burning with rage now. “The fuck is your problem?! Do you want to pack all of my shit for me, or what?!”

“You wish. You do realise dumb ass you had half my clothes in there?”

“I don’t fucking care, buy yourself some new ones!” Andy tried to snatch the bag back and snarled when Ash pulled it further from his reach. “Give it to me.”

“I’m trying to talk to you.”

“I’m not listening, give me the bag Ash.”

“No, you’re not leaving, you need to hear me out.”

“Fuck Off!” Andy roared. “I’ve already heard enough from you!” He reached out to snatch his bag back and Ash resisted. Andy pulled harder, until suddenly Ash released his hold and Andy toppled backwards at the sudden lack of resistance. He landed backwards on the bed.

Before he could move Ash was on top of him pinning him down. Normally, fear would have kicked in but Andy was too angry for anything but rage to be coursing through him. He struggled to get up as Ash straddled him, holding his arms down.

“Let me go!.” Andy tried to buck Ash off and then as his efforts were unsuccessful, yelled. “If you don’t let me go I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“Well, well new development, you’re threatening murder.” Ash sounded mildly amused and that only made Andy more angry. He let off a volley of swear words and attempted to push Ash off again. After a few seconds of fruitless struggle he settled back panting.

“You’re going to listen to me now?”

“Hell no!”

“Well tough shit, you don’t have a choice.” Andy was beyond pissed and thought about spitting in Ash’s face, just to get him to shut up. Then decided against it and once again struggled to push him off. Ash was still talking. “You’re not leaving here--”

Andy cut him off. “I’m not staying here, I--”

“Just be quiet for two seconds okay?” Ash quickly hurried on. “If you want to walk out here after then I won’t lie, I’m not going to be okay with it--but we need to at least try to work this out.”

Andy used the opportunity as Ash was talking to get one of his arms free and elbowed Ash in the face. He felt the other man swear and tried to wriggle free only to have Ash pin him down again this time more securely. “Fuck that hurt--I probably deserved that but ouch, what the fuck Andy?”

“Let me go.”

“I’m not. I’m not letting you walk out, we need to fix this, I acted like an asshole instead of confronting the problem.”

“So, now I’m a problem.”

“No,--we are--it’s ridiculous, there’s something that keeps coming between us and I want to know what the fuck it is.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Maybe not, but we’re not leaving here until you tell me.”

Andy struggled harder, even more angry because Ash was forcing him and angry at himself because he wanted to tell so bad and yet he felt like a coward because he was scared what would happen when Ash knew.

Maybe something showed on his face because Ash said carefully. “Whatever it is I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Andy couldn’t take it anymore, he was still struggling against Ash and forced the words out between pants. “It does matter, it matters because I liked what he did to me.”

Andy felt Ash stiffen slightly at that, but Andy didn’t stop. “I was scared and I didn’t want him touching me, I didn’t want him doing what he did, but I guess I did because when he did I would get hard and I got off and I stopped fighting--at first I would but after awhile it was just easier, he hurt me less when I didn't fight him. He made me beg sometimes--beg for him to touch me, beg for him to do stuff to me, and sometimes I would do it without him asking, because otherwise… he’d do it anyway and it would be worse...a lot worse.“ Andy could feel his eyes burning and his voice was choked as he finished. “So that’s why it wasn’t rape...I let him do this to me, it’s my fault. You probably hate me now.”

“No, I don’t care.” Ash continued loosening his grip on Andy’s arms as he talked. “That wasn’t your fault, And if you didn’t want it then it doesn’t matter what your body did, you can’t control that.”

“I should have fought.” His voice was nothing more than a croak from the yelling from just moments before. He could feel the burning of tears building in his eyes. As if he wasn’t already disgusting enough, he knew he was going to cry again.

“You did what you had to to survive. And don’t you for one second think that makes you any less of a person to me or anyone else. I don’t fucking care!” Ash whispered the last words fiercely. “I just care about you, that you’re safe now and nothing that could have happened or did happen is going to change that okay?”

Andy didn’t speak, he wasn’t sure if Ash was telling the truth, he couldn’t begin to accept he was. All he could think of was how dirty and tainted he felt now that Ash knew. Unable to hold the tears back, Andy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. As the tears rolled down his cheeks, he opened his mouth to speak only to stop as lips pressed against his own. He was so surprised from the kiss, Andy jerked his head away with a confused look. More than ever, he wished he could see the expression on Ashley’s face, to see whether or not his eyes were telling the same story as his words. He wanted to believe him, he needed to believe him and yet he felt so insecure.

Ashley’s hand brushed his cheek, wiping away the tears before doing the same on the other side. Andy blinked his eyes a few times, trying to get the last of the tears out of his eyes as Ashley placed a small, tender kiss to his forehead. Desperately, Andy wanted to trust Ashley’s words, to believe that maybe they could get past this together, but deep down, Andy could feel the doubt and fear.

“When I first met you, I had walked in there planning on scouting out your band. As soon as I laid eyes on you, however, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.” Ashley sat up and adjusted his position so that he was straddling Andy’s pelvis, with his hands resting on Andy’s ribcage. “Bright blue eyes with a spark of fire behind that skinny ass of yours. I couldn’t help admire your passion, your determination. I _thought_ then there was something special about you.”

Andy’s breath hitched as he felt Ashley’s hands slip under his T-shirt and gently glide over his skin, tracing each rib as they moved. Coupled with his words, Andy could feel his worry start to melt little-by-little as Ashley’s fingertips traced his skin. Ashley was undoing him with the smallest of touches and heartfelt words.

“And now.” Ash, paused and kissed him again, tugging on his lip ring with his teeth as he pulled away. The kiss left Andy burning with desire and kiss-swollen lips.

“Now,” Andy’s eyes slipped closed as Ash’s lips kissed his jaw. “Now, I know there is.” The hands touching his ribs glided even further upwards, ghosting over his nipples. He sucked in a small breath and gripped the bedsheets. Then Ash was kissing him again, and Andy eagerly reciprocated. Andy raised his hands twining them in Ash’s hair so he could get more leverage just as they deepened the kiss, tongues twining and twisting.

Lips pressed against each other, deep throaty pants of desire in lieu of actual breaths. When Ash pulled away, Andy’s lips felt bruised and hot. He nearly whimpered at the lack of contact but before he could do anything he let out a moan. His fingers pressed into Ashley’s shoulders and his back arched as the other man pressed kisses against the side of his neck and his tongue licked a trail down his collar bone that had him quivering with arousal. Andy tried to focus, but his mind felt blurry with pleasure.

Instead he let any thought of thinking things out go and focused on what felt right. Hands moved to the hem of his shirt, pausing there. Andy let out a whimper as Ash continued to just sit there. “Why’d you stop?” He listened to Ash’s erratic breathing. Was Ashley having second thoughts?

“I had to stop and appreciate what I see. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to have you all to myself and I’ve been holding myself back.” Andy nearly moaned at Ash’s husky voice, full to the brim with desire. He could feel his jeans tightening as he became more aroused.

“The only thing holding you back right now is fabric.” Andy’s own voice was husky with desire and not a moment later, Ash was leaning over him to kiss him again. While their tongues fought for dominance, the hands at the hem of his shirt lightly trailed back up, bringing the fabric with it. Fingers were ghosting over his skin, leaving Andy wanting more. It was unfair that Ashley could get him so aroused with just the lightest of touches.

  
The cool air hit his nipples, causing Andy to break away from Ashley with a hiss. Without a word Andy sat up so that Ashley could slip the article of clothing from him. When the shirt was off, Ash’s hands came back to Andy’s nipples. The touch sent sparks of pleasure through his body and down to his groin. Fingers tweaked and rubbed the nubs of flesh, leaving Andy without any thought but that of what Ash was doing to him. Ash leaned over him, his breath hot against Andy’s ear.

“I feel like my shirt needs to come off, but I don’t know that I can get it off myself.” Andy grinned both amused and aroused.

“Is that so? I may know someone that can help with that.” Andy shifted and sat up so that he could have better leverage. He grabbed the hem of the shirt before pausing. Letting go of the fabric, Andy placed his hands carefully before pushing so that Ash’s back hit the mattress. With a grin, Andy straddled Ash’s hips and leaned over. His hands moved back to the hem of the shirt before slipping underneath.

“Pretty sure that’s not how you take a shirt off.”

“Maybe not how _you_ take a shirt off.” Andy countered smirking.

He eased the fabric back, running his fingers over the defined plane of Ash’s stomach and abs. Ash’s breath hitched as Andy’s fingers went higher exploring his chest. He tweaked a nipple as he simultaneously rolled his his hips rocking his pelvis at just the right angle so his groin lightly touched Ash’s. Ash gave a deep groan, when he spoke next he sounded out of breath. “Such a tease.”

Andy felt his lips twitch into a grin as he raked his fingers down the sides of Ash’s chest. Beneath him, Ash hissed as Andy felt him arch his back a bit. Not wanting to wait too much longer, Andy slipped Ash’s shirt off quicker than Ash had his and bent over to suck Ash’s neck. His nipples grazed Ash’s chest, sending thrills of pleasure through him. Ash shifted under him and before Andy could react he had grabbed his hips, pulling him down closer as Ash bucked upwards grinding into him. He did it again, and then a second time. Andy rocked down to meet him , but this time instead of thrusting upwards Ash grabbed him flipping over so he was on top again.

“Now who’s being a tease?” Andy gasped out. He reached out blindly fumbling for Ash and found his goal...well, sort of. His fingers brushed the bulge in Ash’s jeans and Andy felt him stiffen then tremble. Emboldened Andy smirked and this time used his hands more purposefully, massaging and kneading. After a few seconds he pulled away, reaching for his original destination. He popped the button to Ash’s jeans and eased the zipper down. His voice was husky with arousal as he said “Jeans off, now.”

“Did I tell you how fucking hot it is when you do that?”

Andy helped Ash slip his jeans off, too distracted by the act to say more than “Do what?”

“Let your voice go all deep like that.” Ash leaned back down and Andy could feel his nude body pressed against him as he said into his ear his warm breath brushing his cheek. “You don’t know how many times we were on stage and you had me wanting to pull you down and fuck you right then and there.”

“Well, now’s your chance.” Andy moaned as Ash leaned over and placed a wet kiss on his mouth. He felt Ash’s tongue beg for entrance by licking his bottom lip. Another moan managed its way out of Andy’s throat, breaking the kiss as he felt a hand brush the bulge in his own jeans.

“There’s still something in the way.” Andy’s heart fluttered in anticipation as he felt the button be undone painfully slow.

“You’re worse than a tease. You’re a..a..I don’t know. Fuck I just want you right now.” He mentally cursed as the hand moved to the zipper but stopped. Above him, Ash shifted so that he was in-between Andy’s legs.

“You’ll just have to learn patience. We’ll get there.” Andy could hear the smirk in Ash's voice and let out a frustrated groan. He was so turned on it was almost painful. Finally the hand on the zipper of his pants started to pull the piece of metal down. The tightness eased up more and more with each increment of zipper being pulled down. When the zipper was finally all the way down, Andy could have cried with relief.

“You’re horrible, you know.” Andy moaned and bucked his hips thrusting into Ash’s hand desperately. He needed friction, movement, something, anything.

“You're going to see how horrible I can be if you keep talking.“ Ashley teased as he finally slipped Andy’s jeans and underwear off, albeit painfully slow. In the background he could hear his pants fall to the floor noisily. Finally free from the constraints of the fabric of his clothing, Andy opened his legs and bent his knees. Now they could finally get in gear. A few moments later, it was apparent to Andy that Ash had other plans though.

He felt the bed dip again, the springs of the mattress groaning with his movement. Hands caressed both of his bare legs moving up until Ash’s thumbs were almost touching the one place Andy wanted him to touch the most. Andy gripped the bedsheets tightly in frustration and bit his lip almost painfully when the same hands moved back down, ignoring his painful erection completely.

Andy couldn't help moaning as Ash playfully nipped at the skin of his inner thigh. He quivered as Ashley did the same to the other thigh. Ash definitely knew way too well how to undo him.

“Fuck--As--Ashl--” he was barely coherent as it was and Ashley knew it. “Please...just--fu....” Andy trailed off, arching his back as Ash’s tongue expertly licked a trail up one thigh.

“Please what? What do you want?” Ash’s voice was low and sultry and Andy wished desperately he could look into those chocolate eyes again without having to rely on his imagination now.

Andy’s breath caught in his throat as he felt Ash’s tongue dance a lazy path down his groin. He writhed with pleasure and heard Ash give a small laugh before his tongue was circling the head of Andy’s erection and teasing the slit. Just as quickly as pleasure came, Ashley pulled away from Andy’s throbbing erection.

“Maybe you want something like that?” Andy arched his back at the sensation, his entire body was tingling. He needed more.

“Yes..Oh God yes..Please.” Ash gave a small chuckle before an incredibly warm hand wrapped itself around the base of his erection. The hand started to move slowly up and down the shaft and twisted at the head, the thumb giving a final stroke at the end that was driving Andy wild. Andy gave a low groan as Ash took his time, then abruptly the sensation was gone again and Andy was left quivering with need.  Fruitlessly he tried to move his arms, but Ash was still holding him in place. Before he could consider the matter further he felt Ash’s lips against his.

“Mmm,” Ash moaned. Andy deepened the kiss, this time demanding entrance from Ash poised above him. Their tongues battled for dominance briefly before they had to pull away to catch their breath. The hands holding his down eased up, releasing Andy’s arms.

“You look so gorgeous, splayed out like that for me.” Andy opened his legs a little wider as if in invitation.

“Maybe you should do something to this body instead of staring at it.” Andy bit his lip and ran his hands down his chest, stopping to tweak his own nipples briefly. He could feel Ashley’s eyes on him as his hands travelled down his stomach and stop right before his own erection. “Or I might get started without you.”

Ashley groaned, letting Andy know that he was watching his every move. Getting a bit more bold, Andy rubbed his shaft slowly from base to head before wrapping his hand fully around the thick flesh. Andy threw his head back and started to stroke himself, moaning and panting louder than normal. As he started to make a rhythm, Andy’s free hand ventured even further south. He teased at his  entrance, rubbing it a few times. He managed to get a few more strokes in before the guitar string- calloused hands of Ashley grabbed his and pulled them away.

“You’ve made your point.” Ashley leaned over and placed a kiss on Andy’s lips before scooting off of the bed altogether leaving Andy on the bed filled with desire.

The sound a drawer somewhere by the bed being opened caught Andy’s attention. A second later the same drawer was slid closed. Andy’s breathing quickened slightly in anticipation. He licked his lips and listened for Ash’s quiet footsteps on the carpeted floor. The bed dipped and bounced a bit, springs groaning from use.

“Are you okay with this?” Andy could sense Ashley near him but the other man seemed to be hesitating. Andy’s head was fuzzy with pleasure, making it hard for him to process the question.

“What? Yes. Fuck yes.” Andy felt himself open his eyes (when had he closed them in the first place?) as he thought about the question a bit more. He then realized what Ashley had been asking. This was it, after ages of longing they were finally going to be together. Andy wanted it more than almost anything and yet he couldn't help feeling anxious. Instead of giving in to the anxiety he smiled and said “Let’s do this.”  As Ash still didn’t move, he let his voice go a little more serious. “I’m okay. I promise.”

“If you need me to stop at any time, tell me. Promise me you’ll tell me to stop if you’re not okay.”

“Okay. I promise.” Once those words were out, Ashley climbed over him again, placing his lips to Andy’s once more in a loving and gentle kiss. They lazily deepened the kiss, tongues gliding across one another. When they broke for air, Andy felt Ashley settle back on his heels. He heard the cap of a bottle pop open and subconsciously sucked in a breath. After a moment, the cap was popped back on.

Andy’s heart was beating, and he couldn’t tell if it was anxiousness or apprehension. He gasped when the coldness of the lube came into contact with his entrance.

“Are you okay?”

Andy nodded. “Cold is all.”

“Oh sorry, I guess I should have warmed it up for you.” Andy grinned and opened his legs even wider, giving Ashley more room.

The finger that had the lube on it started to gently circled his entrance before starting to gently tease the opening. Andy squeezed his eyes shut at the sensation and tried to relax.  He felt the finger push in further, slowly and as gently as possible. Ash’s finger started to pick up pace a bit, but just enough to allow Andy to get used to the feeling. Andy closed his eyes, beginning  to lose himself to the feeling, before suddenly feeling the finger pull out completely.

It wasn’t but a second later, that he felt two fingers push their way in. Andy felt the fingers start to work up a rhythm again, this time teasing his entrance. He shifted as Ash’s fingers changed position. It wasn’t but a few seconds later that Ashley found what he was looking for as Andy arched his back and moaned loudly from the new stimulation and pleasure flooding through him. He could feel himself contracting around Ash’s fingers as he tingled with pleasure

“There it is.”

Andy was still trembling slightly with the after effects of Ash’s fingering when Ash slid out. Once again Andy heard the pop of the cap of the bottle being opened then closed a few seconds later. He knew what was coming. It was silent except for the sounds of Ash smearing lube all over his own aching erection.

After a few moments, Ash grabbed Andy’s legs and positioned them over his shoulders as he lined himself up. Andy could feel the head of the erection pressed against his entrance. Slowly, Ashley pushed in, trying not to hurt Andy. He knew that Ash was being as gentle as possible, but it didn’t stop it from being somewhat uncomfortable because Andy was tensing because of anxiety. Having Ash above him made his heart pick up in a not altogether pleasant way. It had been better when it was just foreplay because that was something Master's hadn’t really done. With him it was just sex, and more sex. But now that Ash was actually inside Andy was still aroused but he also couldn’t deny he was even more anxious.

Instead of voicing his concerns like he had promised Ash he would, he didn’t want to spoil the mood so he kept silent and tried to focus only on what was happening and forget everything else.

“Fuck you’re so tight, Andy.” Ash said as he leaned over him easing in. Once Ash was all the way in, he stopped and allowed Andy to adjust to him.

“And you’re bigger than I thought you were.” Ash snickered and leaned down to place a kiss on Andy’s lips.

“Are you okay?” Ash asked for what had to be the hundredth time (or at least seemed like that to Andy.

“Would you stop asking me that?” The concern in Ash’s voice touched Andy, but he was tired of hearing it, it wasn’t helping get his mind off his own insecurities. He reached upward placing a hand on Ash’s hip and feeling the smooth skin of his ass. Ash’s mouth sought his own and Andy kissed him before nipping his lip playful and ordering. “Move. Now.”

“Okay.” Not needing anymore encouragement, Ashley pulled out almost all the way so that the tip was the only thing still inside Andy, before sliding back in. Slowly Ash worked up a gentle rhythm, being careful as to not be too hard or fast. The sounds of their breathing and moaning filled the room.

Andy gripped the bedsheets and threw his head back as Ash’s erection managed to rub against his prostate. “Fuck.” He wanted more and yet he couldn’t fully get into it because Ash’s panting breaths above him were too reminiscent of Master’s looming above him as he... Andy stiffened.  “Wait. S-stop.” Ash stopped at Andy’s request. He must have noticed something on his face because he asked.

“Are you-”  
  


“I want to ride you,” Andy interrupted trying to sound sexy so as not to clue Ash in on what was wrong, but needing to shift positions to something that he hadn’t done with his captor. .

With few words they shifted on the bed so that Andy was hovering over Ashley’s erect member. Ash guided Andy onto him, both of them moaning once Andy was fully seated on Ashley.

“Fuck you look so amazing, Andy.”

Andy lifted himself up until Ash was barely still inside him before seating himself again. Unable to hold back anymore. Andy started to work up a steady rhythm, finally able to fully enjoy what was happening, as he tried to get to that edge of pleasure. At some point Ash had started pumping Andy’s penis, trying to bring them both closer to the edge.

Andy moaned. “...fuck...fuck...I’m...I’m so close.” Ash kept jerking him, even as Andy reached his climax. “Oh God Ashley!” Once he’d finished, he slouched over Ashley, falling still. He felt like a pile of jelly. After a few moments of resting, Andy shifted, earning a moan from the bassist beneath him. Andy realised then that Ashley was still hard inside of him.

Andy bit his lip in thought before saying something. “You haven’t came yet.”

“Yeah” Ash’s voice sounded breathy and he seemed hesitant like he was holding back when he added. “I’m okay with not finishing.”

Andy could feel Ash still tense under him and practically quivering with arousal and if that wasn’t a dead giveaway that he was lying then nothing was. Andy sensed he was hesitant about something about something else and pressed the issue. He leaned forward kissing Ashley, savoring the breathy moan he got in response as he pulled away. “I want you to come too. I want this to be as good for you as it is for me.”

Andy tweaked a nipple working his hips and Ash groaned, but moments later he didn’t seem any closer even though his breathing was harder. He was moving underneath Andy in frustrated jerks, that were barely controlled. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t--I don’t think I can come like this.” Andy’s breath caught in his throat for a moment before he managed to swallow the apprehension a bit.

“O-Okay.” He wondered what exactly Ash had in mind, and managed to push most of his apprehension down by focusing on Ashley and telling himself that whatever happened he wasn’t going to hurt him.

“Can we--I mean is it okay if we switch positions--this feels great don’t get me wrong but--” Ashley trailed off before adding. “I just need a little more room.”

“Oh.” Andy slipped off Ash still wondering what he had planned. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with being under Ash as it reminded him too much of how he had been made to stare into his captor's eyes while he had his way with him, and being bent over similarly had bad memories. But he resolved to go along with it if Ash wanted it, he was sure he could handle it--or mostly sure.

He was surprised when he felt Ash’s hands guide him to the bed next him. “I need you to turn around so you’re facing away from me.” Andy was sure he had a confused look on his face, judging from Ashley’s next words. “I love you, you know that right, I’d never hurt you, I think this will be better for both of us.”

At those words, Andy realised Ash has recognised the reason they had switched earlier and why Andy was apprehensive now. Reassured Andy got in the position Ash indicated then felt the other man tuck in behind him so Andy was snuggled against Ash’s chest.

He could feel Ash’s erection against his behind and would have tensed, but Ash swung an arm around him holding him tight as he leaned in close kissing Andy’s neck and whispering in his ear. “I love you Andy.” Andy felt him slide in gently, and recognised Ash was taking things slow for him. He appreciated that Ash had used his name instead of just saying the words, it was entirely different than with Master who would whisper he loved him, but called him pet instead of his actual name.

Andy could feel himself becoming aroused again as he relaxed in Ash’s arms. “You can move faster.”

“You’re sure?”

Andy nodded, then to emphasize his point pushed backward slightly providing a counterpoint to Ash’s thrusting. They moved in time, Ash holding Andy tight, one hand draped over his hip, stroking Andy’s half hard penis. Ash’s hand fell away as Andy felt his movements becoming more erratic and his moans growing breathless then he was shuddering and Andy could feel  Ash climax. Ash rode out his orgasm in a few more shaky thrusts and Andy followed him with something that wasn’t quite another orgasm but felt good nonetheless.

Once a few moments had passed Ashley pulled out, cuddling up against Andy. Feeling Ash’s arm draped over him, Andy fumbled around until he slipped his hand inside of Ash’s and gave it a little squeeze.

  
“Thank you.” Ash shifted, and Andy could feel him staring at him quizzically.  
  
“What for?”  
  
“For not being ...Him.” Ash responded by placing a small kiss to the nape of Andy’s neck and giving Andy’s hand a squeeze of his own

 


	11. Chapter 11

Andy and Ash had finally settled things between them. Now there wasn’t that uncomfortable feeling that he had to hide what had happened from Ash because the other man would think him weak or disgusting. Even so sometimes he felt the old insecurities start to rise.

_Who would want him? Maybe Ash was just taking pity on him? He didn't love him, not after what had happened with master, how could he?_

And every time Ash would do something that had him believing in him--believing in them again. Whether it was holding him during one of his nightmares and not judging him for crying or letting Andy vent when the anger about everything became too much Ash was there. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been there for Andy for months...years really . But this time there was a permanence because finally Andy felt sure that Ash... whatever happened Ash wasn’t leaving.

Andy still wasn’t sure how the others in the band would react. It wasn’t like it was their business, not exactly, but besides Matt, his cousin Joe, and a handful of others they were his closest friends, and a part of him wanted their blessing.

He wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, and Ash as he was wont to do, one day he took the situation out of Andy’s hands.

“What do you think about going out with the guys?” Ash continued washing dishes sounding nonchalant. “We haven’t done that in a while.”

“That would be fun.”

“Awesome, we set something up two days from now, I was thinking we could--”

Andy set down the plate he was holding. “Seriously? You asked me and you already set something up? What if I said no?” Andy was slightly irritated.

“I knew you’d say yes so it’s not a problem.”

Andy didn’t speak, he was thinking about what the other guys would say about him and Ashley. It hadn’t been a problem anyone in the band hooking up because ever since Sandra had left years ago, it had just been guys and everyone had been ostentatiously straight. Little did they know Andy and Ash would upset the balance.

Ash misread his worry, and came over his hands still wet with dish soap. Andy felt wrap his arms around him, then Ash was kissing him. Andy was surprised but he responded. They broke apart a minute later the need for air being the only reason.

“What was that for?” Andy asked, running his tongue over his lips hungry for more as he slipped his hand higher on Ash’s waist.

Ash kissed him again this time on the side of his neck. “An apology.”

“For what?”

“I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Mmmm--” Andy’s breath hitched as Ash slipped a hand down his back and cupped his ass while grinding into him subtly. “I was just thinking about the guys.”  
  


“What about them.”

Andy hesitated distracted by what Ash was currently doing to his collar bone. “I was just wondering what they’re going to think of us.”

“I think they’ll be surprised ..maybe, but happy for us.” Ash said all this disjointed as Andy could tell he was equally distracted by Andy’s hands ghosting across his chest.  

Andy took a moment to process that then focused back on Ash. Ash kissed him again then said breathily. “So do you accept my apology?”

“Is this how you apologize to everyone?” Andy teased.

“Only if I want to fuck them later.”

Andy slipped a hand down, feeling Ash’s groin, where he was already more than half hard. “What if that later became a now.” Andy reached out unzipping Ash. “Then I’ll decide whether to accept your apology.”

Ash didn’t need to be told twice. “Sounds fair to me.” He eased Andy’s jeans down, all the while sucking his neck. Andy moaned with pleasure sidestepping out of his pants without breaking contact with Ash. He let his fingers trail all over Ash exploring his body as he moaned. Ash grinded against him, increasing the pressure to just the right amount until Andy was barely containing his moans of pleasure

Andy sought his mouth kissing him, while he let his hand venture downwards stroking Ash’s length. He felt painfully hard.

Ash trembled against him as Andy pulled his mouth away from Ash and instead licked his neck while simultaneously continuing to jerk his erection. “F--fuck.”

After a few moments more Ash’s restraint broke, he was breathing heavily as he pulled away from  Andy, adjusting their positions.

He started to pick Andy up still kissing him as he leaned him back across the counter then abruptly froze and swore.

“Fuck there’s no lube, be right--” Andy cut his words off smirking slightly as he slid off the counter and dropped to his knees.

“No lube needed.” Was all he said before his hands had reached out grasping Ash’s length. Andy let his tongue play over the tip and licked from base to slit before taking it into his mouth. He smirked as Ash gave a low groan and moaned Andy’s name.

Listening to Ash’s heavy breathing and moans of pleasure were inching Andy towards the edge. He helped himself out by reaching one hand down jerking himself as he bobbed his head licking and sucking. He felt himself tensing and pushed it away trying to focus on Ash’s pleasure. That helped partly, the truth was though while he wanted to do this it was also bringing up memories he’d rather forget.

Blowjobs had been a favorite of Master, but for Andy they hadn't been fun at all. Master had used the opportunity to humiliate and cause pain and Andy had no choice but to take it.

He didn't want to dwell on what had happened though so doing this was more important than just sex. It was a way of reassuring himself that he was getting over what had happened.

He probably should have told Ash though. Everything was fine, Andy had begun to relax and really get into it, enjoying the sounds Ash was making and the way his legs were starting to tremble as he neared the edge. Andy swallowed Ash deeper for just a few seconds and Ash responded by moaning his name again and grabbing his Andy’s hair.

He wasn't holding him in place or anything, but just that light touch of fingers on his scalp as he kneeled on his knees was enough.

He gagged, pulling back from Ash, as he felt sour acid rising in the back of his throat. He turned away from Ash feeling like he was going to throw up and it took several deep breaths before he could even speak.

Ash immediately noticed something was wrong. “What happened,? Did I--”

Andy cut him off shaking his head, “It’s not you...J--just don't grab my hair okay?”

Ash sounded confused as he started out. “Okay but--”

He froze understanding suddenly dawning. Andy spoke quickly frustrated with himself for ruining the mood. “Give me a minute then--”

Ash cut him off. “We need to talk about this.”

“Ash, I don’t want--” at that moment the doorbell rang. Ash and Andy both froze, neither moving

After a half a minute without a response, It rang a second time. This time accompanied by a few knocks.

“Fuck who is it?”

“Could just ignore them.” Andy suggested. As soon as he said that a voice called out.

“I know you guys are home I heard you.”

Andy blushed at that. _What exactly had he heard?_

“Damn it Jinxx.” Andy could hear Ash start swearing as he quickly fumbled for their clothes.

Andy pulled his jeans on quickly and could hear Ash doing likewise.

The knocking was becoming more insistent...sometimes Andy really hated Jinxx’s tendency to drop by unannounced.

This was one of those times. Judging by Ash’s swearing he felt likewise. Another knock sounded, and Andy sensed Jinxx wasn’t leaving until he saw them.

“I’m fucking coming.” Ash snapped, sounding out of breath.

Andy followed Ash to the door still pulling his jeans up. He heard the door latch open and then Jinxx’s footsteps.

“I was seriously worried. You’ve got a police car outside and I heard on the news today that psycho escaped two days ago. Why didn’t you guys let me know?”

“Slipped my mind.” Ash said sounding disgruntled.

“What do you --” Jinxx froze like he had just noticed something. There was a pregnant pause in which Andy could feel his face heating up. Jinxx sounded slightly choked as said. “What were you guys doing just now?”

“Washing dishes.” Ash said sarcastically.

“Washing dishes?...Andy’s shirtless, both your flies are open--” Andy blushed even redder as he hastened to do up his pants and heard Ash doing the same. Jinxx was continuing. “And you’re--you’re--” Jinxx seemed at a lost for words.

Ash in typical direct fashion helped him out. “I’m fucking hard, that’s what I am.” Ash added. “Jinxx, I love you but right now I hate you. You’re a fucking cockblocker. Seriously, what the fuck do you think we were doing ... _washing dishes_ really?!”

Andy shuffled over to the sink, trying to hide his red face. He busied himself with the dirty dishes actually in the sink as he listened in to Jinxx and Ashley.

“So you and Andy are--” Jinxx broke off awkwardly.

“We’re together.” Ash said helpfully.

“Huh--Since when?”

“A few days ago.”

Andy paused in washing a plate to listen closer.

“Oh, so when I--”

“Yeah.” Andy’s face felt hot as he realised Ash and Jinxx were vaguely but still noticeably discussing the fact that moments before Jinxx had walked in they had been having sex.

There was a longer pause then Jinxx in his characteristic quiet yet enthusiastic manner said. “I’m really happy for you guys.”

Andy felt himself relaxing at Jinxx’s words, he hadn’t exactly expected anything different but to hear from Jinxx that he was okay with them made Andy feel more comfortable. It was like Jinxx had provided the validation or at least some of it that Andy needed to feel that he was actually worth something to someone else. Wiping soapy hands on his jeans he walked over to where Jinxx and Ash were with a slight smile on his face.

He was even further pleasantly surprised when Jinxx pulled them both into a hug. As Andy was about to pull away from Jinxx, he whispered so only Andy could hear. “You deserve this; to be happy, Andy.”

The rest of the visit with Jinxx passed pleasantly. Jinxx was irritated they hadn’t told him about Master escaping but he understood why they had been preoccupied. After he left Andy let out a sigh.

“So are you less nervous now?” Ash asked causally.

“About what?”

“Telling the other guys.”

Andy hadn’t realised why Ash had picked up on why he was anxious, but smiled sheepishly at the other man’s comments. “Yeah.”

He heard Ash walk closer and then felt the other man’s lips on his own. Ash added as he pulled back after a moment “It’s going to be fine...everything is.” Ash kissed him again.

Andy answered with a soft smile. “I know…” he clumsily hooked a finger into Ash’s belt loops and pulled him closer going in for another kiss before saying. “Now where were we when Jinxx dropped by?”

☽☀☾

Andy gripped Ashley’s elbow firmly with his left hand as the older man led them down the sidewalk. In his right he held on to his cane, despite Ashley guiding them. The street sounded fairly quiet from traffic, making Andy wonder what restaurant they were heading to. Next to him, Ashley snickered for the umpteenth time.

“Seriously what are you snickering at? You keep doing that.”

Andy frowned at Ashley’s lack of reply or answer. He had no earthly clue as to what Ashley kept laughing at, but no matter how many times he questioned the bassist, he never got an answer. Resolving to put it out his head for the time being he continued walking.

“So how much further is this place?”

“Another block.”

“Good, then I can get back to some sanity.” Andy added. “I can always tell when you’re up to something and your nefarious laughing usually means it’s nothing good.”

“I’m hurt that you would say that.” Ash said in mock outrage, before he laughed again.

“Yeah you sound so hurt.”

“You sound like you don’t trust me.”

“That’s because I know you.”

“Touche.”

They continued walking in silence until they stopped at a building and while Andy couldn’t see he was fairly sure it wasn’t a restaurant.

He told Ash this and received a cryptic answer in reply. “I never said it was a restaurant, you assumed.”

Andy rolled his eyes at that and followed Ash into the building. When they got to the apartment it was clear the others were already there as the sound of arguing filtered out through the door. Jake let them in and Andy was greeted by the smell of something delicious cooking and CC and Jinxx arguing. He could hear a snort of laughter coming from Jake.

“What’s so funny? Ash’s been snickering too since we left.” There was a brief pause from the two in the kitchen.

“You’re ruining my place.” Jinxx’s voice was on the frustrated side, indicating the two of them had been at it for a while.

“Nothing, nothing. Didn’t know you were into that, but come on in.” Jake said. Andy frowned and turned his head to Ashley again.

“What is Jake talking about? What did you do Ashley Purdy?” As they were guided into Jinxx’s home the arguing in the kitchen became clearer and louder.

“I’m trying to cook here and you’re --you’re like fucking with everything I’m trying to set up.” CC almost yelled at Jinxx who fired his own argument back quickly.

“You don’t need to empty the whole refrigerator onto the counter, man!”

“I’m setting stuff up okay? It’s called _mise en place_ , which you would know if you actually cooked.”

“How long have they been arguing?” Andy could tell Ashley was highly amused, however Andy was frowning. Jinxx knew of Chris’ major OCD, he was sure of it. It wasn’t something that could be hidden when they were touring in a bus for months at a time together.

“Since before I got here twenty minutes ago. Hey guys, Ash and Andy are here!”

“Hey” Jinxx and CC didn’t even bother to say anything further before they were once again at it.

“I don’t need to cook to know what a mess is when I see it.” Jinxx said. Andy had to snort at that.

“I’m making a mess? This place will actually be cleaner when I’m finished. Your refrigerator and cabinets look like you dumped the contents of a discount grocery store in it.” CC wasn’t finished. “You’re the messiest one of us all, you eat out the fucking garbage can half the time.”

“Maybe it’s because there’s no food ever, because you go around eating everyone’s shit.”

“So you admit you’re a trash--” CC broke off mid-sentence before speaking again. “The fuck are you wearing Andy?”

“What do you mean? What’s on my shirt? Ashley, seriously what the hell did you do?”

“All I did was give you a shirt to wear! I swear that’s all I did.”

“Then why don’t I buy it? Will someone please tell me what is so damn funny?”

“You’re wearing Ashley’s Hello Titty T-Shirt.”

“I’m wearing..a Hello Kitty shirt….” Andy wanted to give Ashley the dirtiest look he knew of at that moment.

“It’s Hello Titty, not Kitty,” Ash supplied helpfully.

“Haha. You are just _so_ helpful right now,” Andy mocked. “This is so not funny.”

“Actually it is pretty funny.” Jinxx said snickering.

“Very funny.” CC agreed.

“I went out in public with this on!”

“Relax, there was only a few people out...although I think I saw someone taking a picture at some point.”

“What?!” Andy ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. “So, I’ve got a pic of me in a “Hello Titty short circulating on social media now?”

“A _pink_ “Hello Titty” shirt.” Jake said snickering. “Don’t forget it’s pink.”

Andy lost it at that. “Fuck you Ashley! A fucking pink shirt...”

“Pretty sure I fucked _you_ earlier...” Andy’s face burned bright at Ashley’s comment. Nearby, Jake choked on his drink, or that’s what Andy figured what happened.

“Wait, what?” Jake’s voice was full of surprise.

“Seriously? You couldn’t wait to make a comment like that?” Andy turned to where Ashley was not caring the others were around. “This isn’t a joke. First you dress me in a fucking pink shirt now you’re--”

Ashley tried to speak. “I’m not--”

Jake cut them but off. “Wait so what’s going on are you…” Jake let the words trail off but Andy and Ash got the gist.

Both replied at the same time. “Yes.” “No.”

CC chimed in this time snickering. “That _really_ cleared things up guys.”

Andy broke in before Ash could. He wanted to tell and yet not like this, Ash wanted to be forward and direct about everything but the night had started with Andy being the butt of a joke. No matter how much Ash thought he was breaking the ice and putting Andy at ease this was the wrong time, he didn’t want to tell everyone that they were together like it was some joke.

It was serious. He seriously cared for Ash and this wasn’t some one time thing that a few weeks later he would pull back and laugh about...and he hoped Ash felt the same.

Andy cleared his throat uncomfortably, he didn’t want to outright deny what was going on so he said. “Ash has been messing with me all day.” There was uncomfortable silence for a moment then Andy asked in a fake cheerful voice ignoring the awkwardness permeating the room. “So what’s for dinner? It smells really good CC.”

CC, was more than happy to expound on the virtues of his cuisine and that got Jinxx restarted grousing about the wreck that was CC in his kitchen.

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting down to eat. CC had outdone himself this time, there was summer salad, roasted vegetables, steak and garlic mashed potatoes, and of course plenty of liquor. It should have been pleasant but Andy couldn’t help but feeling tense.

Ashley had sat next to him, but far enough away that Andy could sense there was a considerable gap. Usually Ash would point out where everything was on his plate but he also _forgot_ to do that and when Andy subtly tried to ask him was totally ignored. His face felt warm as Jinxx took over and then passed him a fork.

He could sense Ash was angry even if he was laughing with the others, there was something in his voice...and of course the way he was ignoring Andy. The tension was taking his appetite away, tonight was the night they were supposed to tell everyone and now...Andy felt like he had screwed it up.

Jake who was sitting on Andy’s other side picked up that something was wrong and leaned close asking. “Uh, why does Jinxx keep staring at you guys?”

“No, idea.” Andy said taking a large bite of salad as an excuse not to talk. He wasn’t saved by that though because in typical CC fashion Chris chimed in with his own comments.

It was obviously meant as a joke or light-hearted comment. “What is up with everyone tonight? This is the first time we’re all together in months, we’re supposed to be talking about restarting the band not moping.”

Nobody answered, so CC continued, half laughing. “Wait don’t tell me, Ash and Andy are pissed because they really are fucking each other and now they can’t tell anyone they’re gay lovers.”

What followed his comment was silence so complete a pin could have dropped and everyone would have heard it. Andy felt his face heat up and tears prick at the corners of his eyes. His fork dropped from his hand, Ash next to him made a sound that was close to a growl.

Jake broke the silence. “So funny story guys, today Ernie--”

“Nobody gives a fuck about the dog right now, Jake.” Ashley’s voice said from somewhere to Andy’s right. Andy felt like curling in on himself at that moment, memories of a drunk and angry Master resurfacing again. He could feel the fear he felt then bubbling up.

“Don’t be a jerk Ashley.” Jinxx said.

“What’s going on?” CC asked sounding confused. “I was just joking.”

“It was a seriously a _fucking_ funny joke, Chris! You see anyone laughing!?” Ashley yelled even louder this time. Andy heard a chair scoot back and then something was knocking over.

CC had yelled something back at Ash, Ash was yelling at both CC and Jinxx. Jinxx was trying to calm everyone down and Jake kept trying to overtalk everyone and find out what was wrong.

Andy was forgotten. They were all too busy yelling at each other, but Andy could feel the angry screams of the others threatening a memory to resurface.

He stood up unnoticed by the others. He wasn’t familiar with the layout of the apartment so he stumbled around, nearly tripping over furniture as he tried to get away from the yelling. He made it a few steps down a hall before his hand met a doorknob, gratefully he turned the knob and locked the door behind him as he went in. He sank down, his back to the door, every limb trembling, it took a few seconds to realize he was in a bathroom.

The door wasn’t thick enough it didn’t drown out the screams of the others, so Andy fumbled for the faucet turning that on and then the shower. The noise of rushing water still wasn’t enough, his head was starting to feel light and he knew it was only a matter of time before he freaked out.

All he could think of at that moment was when one night Master came home screaming and yelling, over and over again it hadn’t stopped. It was the first time Master had came home drunk and pissed off, it was the first time he beat him so bad he blacked out. It was the first time he had raped him until Andy could feel feel blood dripping down his legs and his throat was so bruised from being choked it hurt to scream.

_Andy jumped when he heard the sound of a door slamming somewhere above him. He’d had no idea how long he’d been down in this basement, as there were no windows that he could see. It was cold and it smelled something awful. Another door slammed and then footsteps were thundering down the basement stairs._

_Andy jerked backwards as he recognised the tread as Master’s._

_“Where are you? Get your fucking ass out here and stop cowering in the corner, like someone’s going to hurt you.”_

_Andy still didn’t move. He knew Master was angry, and he knew when Master was angry it hurt. The blackish-blue bruises on Andy’s arms were a testament to that._

_“Do you love me?”_

_Andy didn’t answer, instead keeping his eyes to the basement floor._

_“Answer me you piece of shit.” Master came closer and Andy cringed as he yelled again. “Answer me! Answer me now!”_

_“Yes.” Andy said the words biting his lips as he tried to figure out what would make Master less mad._

_“Liar. You’re a fucking liar.” Master continued. “You don’t care about me, you don’t understand me. Nobody does! I should kill your ass now, right now!!!”_

_Andy shivered at that, he wasn’t ready to die, and certainly not like this. In a cold stinking basement at someone’s whim._

_“Get on your knees.”_

_Andy did as he was told. “Get your clothes off, I didn’t say you could wear that shirt did I?”_

_Andy didn’t argue, last time he had been allowed out the basement he had been nude and shivering and Master had given him a t-shirt that just barely came to his waist to wear. Apparently he had forgotten that or he just didn’t care. Master was still yelling at him, as he stripped._

_Master came closer and Andy flinched, but the man was only reaching for his collar, the metal collar around Andy’s neck clicked and Andy let out a gasp of surprise as it opened._

_He wanted to massage his sore neck but he kept his hands at his sides, watching Master. What the man did next surprised him. “You’re free to go. Get your ass up and go.”_

_Andy couldn’t believe it...it had to be a trick._

_“Run.”_

_Master’s foot lashed out hitting him in the stomach when he didn’t move. “I said fucking move.”_

_Andy still didn’t move. Master was growing impatient, he lashed out more and more, kicking screaming yelling. Andy could feel blood in his mouth as Master’s fist connected with his jaw._

_He shook his head as the man demanded he move again. Master gripped his hair forcing Andy’s head up so Andy’s blue eyes met his own, and that was when Andy noticed Master was holding a gun._

_The metal tasted cold in his mouth as Master forced the barrel in, Andy could feel tears leaking from his eyes. Master’s voice was deadly as he said. “I told you to fucking run, now I’m going to give you one last chance.”_

_Master’s finger tightened on the trigger and Andy heard a click. “You’ve got ten seconds.”_

_“9--”_

_Andy trembled, he couldn’t run, if he did he was dead...that was the trick. If he stayed Master wouldn’t kill him._

_“8--”_

_“7--”_

_“6--”_

_Andy felt the gun push a little more into his mouth. He eyed the door, wanting to leave and yet knowing if he did so he was signing his own death sentence._

_“5--”_

_“4--”_

_A warm drip started down one leg as his fear grew even more, he would have been embarrassed but he was too terrified._

_“3--”_

_“2--”_

_He saw it in Master’s eyes then, the way his face was tight. He was going to pull the trigger, he was going to kill him._

_Andy ran, he stumbled to his feet turning away from Master and towards the door. His legs were weak from lack of food and fear, but he nearly made it to the stairs before he felt someone grab his arm. He was dragged back his shoulder almost pulled out his socket._

_A fist slammed him against a wall, choking him so hard Andy saw stars. Then he was being pushed down, Andy was so out of breath and his head hurt from where it had slammed into the wall, he just laid there._

_It was dim in the basement but Andy could see Master undoing his belt, and pulling his pants down._

_“No one ever leaves me! You don’t ever try to leave me.” One hand reached out choking Andy again, and he was too busy gasping for air to do more than weakly fight back trying to push Master off. He was flipped around onto his stomach forcefully with one hand trapped underneath him. Before he knew it, Master grabbed his hips and made it so that his ass was sticking up in the air. Master pinned his head to the floor, his neck turned painfully to the side as he pushed himself into Andy forcefully._

_Andy cried out at first, screaming with the little air he could gasp as each thrust brought agony. He could feel something warm after the first  minutes and knew that Master hadn’t came yet and that and the smell of blood only added to his misery._

_His vision was dimming as the hand at his throat got tighter and andy felt him himself slipping in and out of consciousness. He screams for Master to stop were ignored….._

_“Andy?!”_

“Andy--”

“Andy?--fuck the door’s locked.”

“Is someone in there with him?”

“Like who?”

“Like that fucking psycho who tried to kill him.”

“Shit.”

There was the sound of something heavy against the door and then more swearing.

“You’re not going to be able to kick the door down, and besides the bathroom doesn’t have a window or anything and nobody could have come in through the front door.”

Andy heard voices, but his heart was still hammering his his chest, and someone was still yelling. They sounded like they were being killed, or something awful was happening. With a jolt Andy realised he was the one yelling and the scream died in his throat.

“He just stopped…” In his panicked state, Andy couldn’t identify the voices. All he could think of was that memory as it replayed in his head over and over again. With the water in the shower still running, Andy crawled in and curled into the smallest ball he could in the corner furthest from the door. It didn’t even register that he was getting soaked.

With his hands covering his head, Andy started rocking back and forth, repeating “No, stop. Please.”

“Someone get this door open now! Andy! Andy say something okay….”

Andy couldn’t speak, the voice barely registered as he sank more and more into himself.

“Just get out the way for the moment, I can pick the lock.”

“Chris, seriously?”

“I’m a man of many talents.” The voice tried to sound joking but it sounded more scared than anything.

There was a few moments of fumbling then the door popped open and Andy heard people flood into the room. He tried to back himself further into the corner as the footsteps made their way in further, but found that he couldn’t.

“Andy? C’mon Andy speak to us. Where are you?” Andy whimpered, curling up even more. But Ash had already realised where he was.

Andy started as he heard a voice. “He’s in the shower, what the fuck?”

“Quiet Chris.”

Andy heard a knob turning and the water abruptly shut off. Then someone was climbing in the tub with him, heedless of the water lying in the bottom. Instinctively he pulled away.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me, just me and the guys.”

Andy focused on the voice, trying to calm himself. He recognised Ash as the man continued, edging closer. “It’s okay, we’re at Jinxx’s place.”

“What--what’s wrong with him?” It was CC who asked. “Is this about what I said earlier?”

“No, it’s happened before...I don’t know what triggered this though.” Jinxx answered so quietly his voice was almost a whisper but Andy still heard.

“It’s because we were yelling, I got so mad I forgot.” Ashley said quietly and Andy felt his hand reach out gently brushing the wet hair from his eyes. He directed his next words to Andy. “We’re okay, we’re fine. That was just a memory.”

CC whispered, sounding like a scared kid. “Memory of what? What exactly happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.” Jinxx said tightly.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Ashley asked carefully.

Andy hesitated then nodded. He couldn’t help flinching though as Ash came closer pulling him into his arms. Andy relaxed somewhat as the other man pulled him closer holding him tight not caring that his clothes were quickly becoming soaked by Andy’s sopping ones.

Andy tucked his head into Ashley’s shoulder as the other man kept whispering “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Andy could feel tears starting and when Ash pressed a kiss to the top of his head, the dam broke and Andy couldn’t help the sobs that broke out. The others were watching and he could hear quiet whispers but none of that mattered because it was just him and Ash.

☽☀☾

A half an hour later Andy was sitting on the couch next to Ash in Jinxx’s living room. He was wrapped in a blanket wearing pajamas borrowed from Jinxx since his own clothes were soaked. He couldn’t help feeling embarrassed even though everyone kept telling him they understood.

CC was acting weird and Andy wondered was it because of what Jinxx had told them about what had happened while Master had him. His own question was answered when CC cleared his throat again asked. “So uh--”

“CC!” Jinxx said in warning.

“What? I wasn’t going to ask anything...insensitive.”

Andy snorted at that, CC definitely need a lesson on tact, because while the drummer’s heart was always in the right place, sometimes if you didn’t know him it didn’t seem that way.

“I was just going to say, are you and Ash together?”

“Chris--.” Jake started to say.

“What he kissed him in the bathtub, they were--”

Before another argument could break out Andy answered. “Yeah we are.”

“Shit….so when I said that during dinner, aw man. I didn’t mean it like that, I mean I’m really happy for you guys and it’s all cool. I’m just not gay--”

“No one said you were.” Ash said dryly. He continued “Don’t worry we’re not going to drag you into bed with us.”

Andy blushed at that, but CC didn’t respond to Ash’s comment because he was still rambling on.

“Well if they won’t let you share their bed you can bunk with me anytime CC, you’re not only hot to women.” Jake sounded half joking….half serious.

There was a long pause then everyone but CC started to laugh.

CC made a strangled noise. “Fuck, I am not gay okay? I bang chicks. Lots and lots of chicks. If there was a willing chick standing here right now I’d bang her okay?”

“In front of us? Wow, CC, quite the exhibitionist aren’t you?” Andy said getting in on the fun. “If you bang her in front of us, that’s like we’re participating at least ahhh...50% so that’s kind of gay.”

Jinxx was laughing so hard he sounded like he was choking and Ash and Jake were likewise laughing.

CC was digging himself in farther. “I’m not gay. I’m just expressing concern for the image of the band….do you know how many Andley stories there are?”

“Nope, why don’t you tell us.” Ash sounded amused.

CC didn’t hear him he was too busy continuing. “There’s Janxx for god sakes. I don’t want to find my name slashed with one of you guys as some fangirl ship in some m on m romance.”

“He really knows the terminology definitely suspect.“ Andy commented.

“Do you guys know how many stories there are on the net about us? Thank God fanfiction.net doesn’t allow black veil brides fanfiction but on archive of our own, I’ve read Andy and Ashley fucking each other so many times and now I find out this is real? Way to break the fourth wall guys.”

The silence following that revelation was deafening.

Ash broke it, Andy could tell he was thoroughly enjoying the whole conversation. “Let’s back up here...why were you reading fanfiction about me and Andy anyway?”

“Uh--um…..research.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m not buying it.” Ash added. “Jinxx are you buying it?”

“Nope.”

“Seriously, what the fuck you guys? It was after that crazy ass Bryan Starzzz interview where he had us read fifty shades of grey.”

“Yes and….still not seeing the connection.”

“Fifty shades of grey was fanfiction about Twilight originally, E. L. James adapted it.”

“You realise everything you say is not helping convince any of us.” Jinxx said calmly.

CC seemed at a lost for words, Andy almost felt bad for him so he decided to give him an out. “In all fairness CC did say it was just for research, so you know maybe we should give him a break.”

“Thank you Andy, one of you guys aren’t douche bags at least.”

Jinxx wasn’t finished, Andy thought he was partially happy to get back at CC for making a mess of his kitchen part enjoying poking fun at CC but in either case he said. “Well his research must have not been that good of he would at least know about Cake.”

“What?!?” CC sounded horrified. “What the fuck?”

“Cake...CC and Jake.”

“Shit, that’s it. I’m never getting laid ever again.”

“Wait, people actually ship me and CC?” Jake sounded surprised and curious.

“Yeah. There’s all sorts of pairings of all of us.” Andy raised an eyebrow at Jinxx’s reply to Jake. Just how did he know this?

“And how would you know that?” Ashley was clearly amused by the whole thing as he asked the very question on Andy’s mind.

“I read.“

“Huh, so is that what  you have on that E-reader, you’re always carrying around?” CC asked sounding curious.

Jinxx responded cryptically. “As you said CC it’s just research. That and we have a lot of downtime on the road travelling between cities.”

  
“Too much _time_ CC, I think we’ve all got some odd ways of keeping it interesting.” Jake added.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter is very intense and has multiple triggers and many readers may find it disturbing. For triggers in this chapter, scroll to the end notes for the chapter. It is not possible to skip totally since it is crucial to the story. For those who are worried about being triggered but would like to read the rest of the story there is a small summary of the chapter in the end notes (which by no means does the full chapter justice, but we tried).

Andy still felt unsettled after his latest and hopefully next to last counseling session. Jinxx had taken him instead of Ash this time, because apparently Ash had something to do. Andy was sure it was a surprise because Ash was being too secretive, and that usually meant he was up to something. Knowing Ash it was probably borderline amusing and equal parts a clumsy attempt at showing that he cared.

“Are you sure you don’t want me coming up stairs?” Jinxx said from somewhere to Andy’s left.

“I think I’ll be fine. I’m not going to get lost on my way up a few flights of stairs.”

“Yeah, I know it’s just dark out and --”

“It’s always dark for me Jinxx.” Andy reminded him, half joking. He opened his door and started to get out.

Jinxx didn’t sound convinced. “If you’re sure, I just have a weird feeling, I mean there’s a police van down the street but--”

“The police are here?”

“Yeah, they’re just sitting there, or at least the van is I can’t see if there is anyone inside though.”

“Huh.” Andy said filing the information away. He had thought the cops had been pulled off their place after a few days had went by and Master hadn’t made an attempt to contact him. He wondered why there was a police van out front now.

“What is it?” Jinxx asked.

“Nothing it’s just the police left a few days after Mas-- that guy broke out and except for drive bys they haven’t really been around.”

Jinxx didn’t comment on Andy’s aborted usage of his kidnapper’s title but he he was sure Jinxx had caught it. Instead he said, “think something is up? You know what I should probably--”

“I’m fine, seriously, an officer probably stopped by to update us on the case or something. Go home and I’ll call you when I get up stairs and let you know I got there safely...Mom.” Andy snickered at the last word.

“Bite me.” Jinxx replied, but he sounded more amused than anything.

Andy walked into the apartment, well aware Jinxx waited until he was in the building before driving off. He was used to navigating his way now without eyesight and walked up the familiar stairs without mishap. When he got to the apartment he knocked on the door and waited a moment for Ash to open the door.

When Ash didn’t open it he knocked again, shifting on his feet a little, not only was he eager to find out why the cops had stopped by but he also had to piss.

He called Ash’s name frowning when he didn’t open the door, the TV was on he could hear that…. _maybe Ash couldn’t hear him over the noise._

Andy pulled out his key opening the door, only to be met by the smell of burnt food. Crow came rushing to his ankles yowling about something and Ash’s dogs pawed at his legs anxiously.

Something was wrong.

“Ash!” Andy called his name moving warily forward into the apartment. He was walking towards the phone to call the police when a noise stopped him. Andy twisted around at the footsteps, his cane held up, it wasn’t much of a weapon but it was better than nothing.”Who is it?” He seriously doubted Ash would be so cruel but he added almost hopefully, “Come on Ash stop playing around this isn’t funny, okay?”

He relaxed only slightly as a voice quickly responded.

“Calm down, It’s Detective Langforth. I’ve been trying to contact you. There’s been an incident.”

“What kind of incident?”

“Your friend is missing. We got a call from this residence, we couldn’t make out much but we think he was attacked.”

Andy’s heart caught in his chest, there was only one way this could have happened. Master had promised. And Master kept his promises...he always did. _He had said he was going to kill Ash._

“He’s dead?”

“No, we don’t think so, it looks like he was kidnapped. I need you to come down with me to the station, we’ve got some clues about where he might be and it’s most likely Thomas has taken him, you can help us with that.”

“Okay, I--I need to call Ji--” Andy’s words stumbled over themselves as he tried to think.

Langforth took charge of the situation. “You can call your friends down at the station, time is running out the faster we find your friend the more likely we are to find him alive.”

  
Andy nodded, not trusting himself to speak, his worst nightmare was coming true and he felt helpless. There was nothing he could do, Master had told him that time and time again. He always won…

Still, Andy had to try. He couldn’t accept Ash was gone, he wouldn’t let it be true. Andy followed Langforth out, and down the stairs, barely remembering to lock the apartment door behind him.

When they got to the van Langforth opened the door for him, Andy was so worried he didn’t bother to consider where Langforth’s partner was. He kept running over scenarios of what was happening to Ash. The images were vivid in his mind as he used memories of what had happened to him to fuel the panic that was quickly rising with every second that passed.

It was only after they had been driving for at least half an hour that Andy finally asked. “How much longer before we get to the police station?” He hadn't remembered it taking this long when they had gone before.

“A few more minutes, traffic is pretty heavy.”

Andy nodded. Ten minutes later Langforth was killing the engine. “Get out, we’re here.”

Andy opened his door and immediately sensed something was off. The air smelled odd, like some sort of industrial area, plus it was quiet...too quiet. “Where are we?” Andy asked apprehensively. Instead of an answer he was met by a hand shoved into his back.

“Move.”

“What’s going on?”

“You’ll see soon enough.” The tone of Detective Langforth had Andy’s heart hammering in his chest even more than it had been before. Where were they? Why had Langforth taken him here?

When Andy hadn’t moved, the hand on his back was replaced by something circular and hard. He stiffened in panic as he realized it was a gun barrel. Shakily he started moving forward.

“What are you d-doing? Where are we?” Andy was silenced when a hand met his cheek in a hard slap from somewhere behind him.

“Shut up and move!”

Andy shuffled forward a step, trying to process what was happening. Langforth was holding him at gunpoint, Ash was kidnapped, Langforth was a police officer...none of it made sense. Andy took a few more steps, trying to figure out what to do.

“What’s going on? Where’s Ash?” It was more of a reflex question than anything but Andy was surprised when Langforth answered. “You’ll see him soon enough... if he’s still alive.” Langforth sounded like he added the last part as a careless afterthought.

The comment cut Andy like a cold knife. Whatever was about to happen he wasn’t sure he was going to get out of it alive, but if Ash was dead then he didn’t want to.

He walked forward the rest of the way in silence allowing himself to be guided. He was brought out of his daze when his feet tripped over what felt like broken pieces of rock and metal, and he stumbled into a metal door head first.

His head throbbed painfully above his left eye where his head had met the door. From somewhere behind him Langforth snickered at him.

“I don’t understand what he saw in you. Risking all our shit for your fag ass.” Andy yelped as a strong hand grabbed a fistful of his unruly hair and yanked him away from the door. Langforth let go of his hair, causing Andy to fall backwards onto cold cement.

He grunted as a foot connected with his ribs and then Langforth was saying. “Get your ass up. I would tell you to watch where you’re going but I guess that’d be a little hard for you to do.”

Andy stumbled to his feet, just as he heard metal creaking. A damp musty smell met his noise, and then he was once more being ordered forward. He stepped forward and nearly fell as his foot met thin air, he tried to backpedal but Langforth stopped him. “I’m not shoving you to your death, there’s stairs.”

Andy didn’t trust him, but he didn’t have a choice. Carefully he stepped forward stumbling his way down the steps. He could hear voices in the distance but couldn’t make them out. As he clumsily went down the stairs one-by-one, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the times he was forced down the basement stairs of Master’s home. The musty smell, the creak of the old stairs, the cold around him.

_“This will be your home, my new Pet.” Unable to fight back from whatever drug he’d been given, Andy fell down the stairs and crumpled to a heap at the cold floor. His heart was beating fast and hard in his chest, as he tried in vain to get his limbs to cooperate._

_And to think he was here because someone wanted an autograph. The memory of him being grabbed by the man in a poncho years ago surfaced, but that had been more amusing in the end as he had been surrounded by security and fans. This time he had no one to back him up or protect him from this monster._

_~_

_Master kissed him again and Andy reciprocated as he felt the man’s lips against his own. He felt confused, he was warmer and less hungry than he had been in a long time. He was sore but not in agony like the other times he and Master had sex._

_This time Master had been gentle, he had fed him, and let him get clean. And now...now he was shoving him back in the dirty stinking hole he was forced to call home. Andy felt like crying._

_The light was dim, but it was enough that he could at least make out the steps as he started down. His mind was racing as fast as his heart. He didn’t want to go back down here._

_“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll come back and play with you later, Pet.” Andy wrapped his arms around his middle as he slowly went down the stairs._

_After a few minutes, he reached the floor and stopped. He heard the sound of Master’s footsteps following him with the familiar clanking of heavy metal chains. Quietly and obediently Andy moved to the center of the room with his chin tilted up towards the ceiling so Master could get the collar on easier._

_Once the chain was in place, a rough hand touched his cheek gently bringing his face towards that of Master’s. “You were a very good pet, today. Keep being good and I may do this more often.” His eyes slipped closed as Master’s lips pressed against his in a gentle kiss._

“He’s here.” Langforth said and at the same time Andy felt cold metal against one of his wrists. That more than anything brought him out of the memory he was lost in, the sensation of confinement was too much for him not to notice. Andy tried to resist, but felt what he realised was handcuffs snapped to his other wrist, then a hand shoved him forward and Andy fell. He was at least halfway up the stairs still and when he hit the hard concrete at the bottom he felt his nose break as his restrained hands couldn’t break the fall.

A trickle of hot blood started down his face, as he tried to stumble to his feet. He had barely gained his knees when he heard a familiar voice that made his blood run cold. “I knew you’d come my pet.” Andy straightened up as he heard footsteps coming closer and knew they were probably Master’s.

The footsteps stopped abruptly, and then Andy heard Langforth speak. “Thomas leave him the fuck alone--” Andy hadn’t thought Langforth meant him well but the police officer’s next words cemented it in stone. “I brought him here to end this. You kidnapped the other one, that wasn’t the plan. Now we’ve got two bodies to dispose of and the cops are going to be breathing down our necks.”

“Put him next to the other one.” Langforth ordered someone, and Andy heard more footsteps come closer this time. With it came a familiar smell of cologne he couldn’t quite place, before he could move a hand grasped his arm yanking him forward and making him walk a short distance away. Chain and metal clinked as some sort of door was opened and then he was pushed forward. He landed on his knees just as the door was closing back. Andy moved carefully, he could still hear the quiet murmur of voices discussing him but he couldn’t make out the words. He had no idea where he was and when he reached out could feel some sort of metal surrounding him like he was in a cage. He would have investigated further but as he moved he stumbled across some sort of fabric.

“H-hello?” Andy would have winced at his hoarse and whispery voice if he wasn’t as scared as he was. His worst nightmares were coming true and he had no idea how to get out of this mess.

He felt along the fabric, wincing when the metal of the handcuffs bit into his wrists from trying to pull his arms apart. As he felt around his heart started racing even more as he realized it was a body.

_NO!_

Nearly forgetting about the cage surrounding him, Andy started to frantically feel around the body. When he found the face, he held his breath. The familiar facial features of Ashley sent  Andy into a panic, which only grew as he felt a wet spot of blood near the back of Ash’s head.

“A-Ash. W-wake up. Please.” With shaky hands, Andy tried to wake Ashley up. Because that was all this could be, he was just sleep, just unconscious and Andy refused to think of the alternative. His eyes burned and he could feel the tears mixing with the blood already running down his face. “Ash? Ash please. Please!” He felt his heart slow down slightly as he heard Ash shallowly draw in a breath.

He tugged the gag from Ash’s mouth and nearly passed out from relief when he was rewarded with a strangled gasp. “Come on, wake up.” Andy lightly slapped Ash’s face awkwardly and was rewarded with a groan.

“What’s? Where are we--” Abruptly he stopped and Andy felt him start to sit up. Ash’s next words were frantic. “We have to get out of here--that guy is here and Valentine.”

“Valentine?” Andy was relieved to hear Ash speaking, but the new revelation had his mind reeling. “My doctor?”

“Yeah--he’s--” Ash stopped abruptly and Andy heard him retch. After a moment Ash started again, in a pained voice. “I think I’ve got a concussion. Fuck. You okay?”

“I have a broken nose and probably a few bruises, but I’m okay now that you’re awake.” Andy grimaced as the hoarseness of his voice started to aggravate his lungs into a small coughing fit. He could feel Ashley’s hand rubbing circles on his shoulder in an awkward manner. “Are you handcuffed too?”

“Yeah. Shit. We really need to get out of here.”

“I think they’re planning on killing us. That’s what Langforth said before I was shoved none-too-gently in here anyways.”

“Langforth? That Bastard of a cop is in on this? Shit, mother fuck-”  
  
“Ash! We need a plan. What do you see?”

“A cage..” Andy groaned and lightly smacked what he hoped was Ashley’s shoulder.

“Anything else besides the obvious?”

“Not really, it’s pretty dark in here.” Andy cursed under his breath and started to crawl to the cage wall.

“What kind of cage is this?” He heard Ashley shift behind him, but didn’t turn around.

“It’s welded metal. It looks like we’re in a warehouse and except for those three psychopaths standing there talking about killing us there’s not much else.”

“Something we can use as a weapon?” Andy said desperately grasping at straws.

“No.” Andy’s heart sank at that, he could feel panic starting back up, but before it could become full blown, Ash shifted closer and said. “My hands are tied but I’ve got a pen in my back pocket. If you can get it I think I can get those cuffs off.”

Andy fumbled clumsily with his handcuffed hands awkwardly trying to maneuver his hands. Somehow, after a few seconds of increasingly clumsy maneuvering Andy winded up falling forward and landed on top of Ash. Under other circumstances it would have been equal parts funny and arousing. Now he was mostly just terrified, he tried to focus attempting to locate Ash’s pocket and abruptly stopped as he felt Ash’s breath hitch and he said matter of factly. “Great now I’m hard.”

Andy froze then against his will gave a small laugh. “Really, Ash? We’re kidnapped and--” Andy stopped as Ash laughed. “What’s so funny now?”

“I was just thinking how it would be pretty fucking pitiful if the last time we ever had sex was this morning.” Maybe Ash meant it to be funny but Andy heard the desperation in his voice as he added so quietly Andy almost didn’t hear. “I figured we’d be together for years, until we were both old and grey and couldn’t stand each other and one of us died from heart failure or some shit like that.”

Andy cut Ash off, “We’re not dying Ash. Not today. I’m not letting it happen.” He wasn’t sure Ash believed him and he didn’t see a way out himself but whatever happened Ash was getting out of this alive, Andy promised himself. He set to his task with renewed vigour and within seconds Ash was picking the locks on his cuffs.

“You know how I learned this?”

“Mis-spent youth?”

“More like well-spent youth.” Ash laughed.

“I’m sensing that I don’t actually want to know.”

“There was this chick I was going out with a while back. She was really into bondage, used to tie me up and we’d fuck like--” Andy cleared his throat really not wanting to hear the rest.

Ash continued. “Anyway, she’d like me to come chase her so I’d pick the cuffs and--”

Andy cut him off. “Are you trying to tell me what you’d like to do when we get out of here, or make me jealous so I forget we’ve got three guys wanting to kill us?”

“A little of both.”

“Maybe we--” Andy broke off as he heard footsteps coming closer. He could feel Ash’s fingers moving faster as he tried to get the cuffs open. Abruptly he heard a click and the metal snapped off one of his wrists. Quikly he turned to Ash as a plan began to form.

“Listen, whoever comes I’m going to see if I can overpower them and--”

“Andy you’re blind.”

“I can do this, you need to run and get away, go for help.”

“This is insane.”

Andy reached out grabbing Ash’s shoulders and said. “This isn’t. It’s the only way, and you have to run.”

He didn’t get to hear Ash’s reply because by then the footsteps were near and the chain was sliding back.

“Get out.” Andy started as he recognized Valentine’s voice. “Dan, he slipped his handcuffs.”

Andy took a step forward, and heard other footsteps coming closer. He was starting to recognise the different treads and knew this one was Langforth’s.

“Try anything and I’ll kill you.”

“Aren't you planning on killing me anyway?” Andy couldn’t help asking.

“Keep being a smart ass and I’ll shoot you now.”

Andy didn’t bother to reply instead he took another step, trying to gauge where he was. It all happened too quickly, someone grabbed his arm trying to drag him forward and Andy twisted from the grip, pushing the man out the way and the turning to the other and tackling him to the ground.

He could hear himself screaming for Ash to run, Langforth and Valentine were yelling something. Ash was saying something. Andy could feel flesh connecting with his fist as he punched whoever was beneath him. His own blood was flying into his face from his still bleeding nose.

Then Andy heard something loud and felt like he had been punched in the gut followed by ringing in his ears. He fell backwards as the person underneath him pushed him off and Andy’s hands automatically went to his stomach as he felt a warm sensation start spreading.

His T-shirt was soaked with a hot substance and quickly becoming more soaked, his hands were slick in what he realised was his own blood.

Ash was screaming now, louder this time. Something without words and then Andy felt someone go rushing by him, he heard punches being thrown and fists against flesh and then there was another shot. After a few moments the pain started blossoming from his stomach and radiated outwards. His breathing became erratic.

There was more shouting, but Andy couldn’t understand what was being said. Everything sounded as if underwater.

Andy groaned as he was dragged upwards. “Get up, you try that again I’ll kill you where you stand and your little boyfriend too, though it looks like he’s not got much longer anyway.” Langforth said the last part nastily.

“What?” Nobody answered. All Andy could hear were harsh pants, which he recognized as Ash.

“I’m--I’m fine--” Ash sounded anything but fine and yet he still continued obviously lying. “It’s just a graze--just--my shoulder. Don’t worry.”

And that had Andy worrying more, but before he could do anything else he was dragged forward and he was in too much pain to resist. He could hear from the grunt to his right that they had dragged Ash out too.

“What have you done?” It was Master’s voice now. “You shot him. You shot my Pet.”

“Be quiet Thomas, this is all your fault. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this, you always--”

“He shot him, shot my--”

“Shut the fuck up, they both need to be killed and we need to dispose of their bodies. No one knows they're missing and by the time someone realises they are we can have our tracks already covered.”

“We can’t just--”

“How is this any different?--”

Andy listened to them discussing how and when to kill them. Langforth and Valentine seemed to be going back and forth on how best to do it but they were agreed on that point. Master didn’t seem to agree with the other two though and Andy tried to figure out how to use that to his advantage. _He just had to stall for time while he figured things out. There had to be a way out of this._

“How do you three know each other?” It was the first thing that came out his mind and he blurted it without thinking, so he was surprised when Valentine answered.

“We grew up together.”

“Michael don’t tell him--”

“Why he’s going to be dead soon, if he wants to know let him.” To Andy he continued. “We grew up together, the three misfits, the loner kids at school. Michael Valentine, Daniel Langforth and my half brother Thomas Hopkins--”

“You’re related to Master?” Andy felt like he had been slapped. “You were my doctor.”

“Yes, quite the coincidence that I wound up taking care of you at the hospital, coincidences happen for a reason.” Valentine sounded like he was starting to enjoy himself. “I’m going to tell you a story of three prodigies. Then we’re going to kill you, the first and the last person to ever know of us, maybe you’ll see that we’re not monsters...we’re artists.”

“It started when we were ten, me and my brother lived with our father who was...cruel to say the least, some might say that’s the reason we started. I just think it’s a catalyst for what was already coming. We met Daniel in school, and we could tell there was something about him also. Five months after we met, little Molly Nelson from down the road went missing, they searched for her for months, and she was buried right in my backyard….you have no idea the exhilaration I felt to be in control of life and death.”

“Maybe because he’s--not a psychopath.” Ash gritted out. Andy was gratified to hear him speak but his voice sounded weaker, maybe from pain...maybe from blood loss.

In any case, Valentine ignored him. “As the years passed, there came more. Mrs. Mulrooney down the street, the Kimber twins at school, ….our father; they all deserved it, each and every one. We grew up and when to school, I became a doctor, Daniel a police officer and Thomas--”

“A fucking degenerate--” It was Langforth who interrupted this time.

“I am not--” Master started to say.

Lagforth cut him off. “You never could fit in, never knew how to play all their little games, how many times have we almost got caught over the years because of you? We only take one or two a year, people who won’t be missed, but you kidnapped a fucking rockstar and thought no one would notice?”

“No one noticed for months, and they wouldn’t have--”

“Shut up, you lied to us. You shouldn’t have kidnapped him, you shouldn’t have held him for as long as you did. If you had killed him outright instead of fucking around with him none of this would have happened, I’ve got a reputation, a wife and kids. If any of this gets out I’m ruined and you put all of us at jeopardy because we’ve had to fix your mess.”

Andy couldn’t believe what he was hearing, it all made no sense and yet it did. He felt even worse as another thought occurred to him. “So back at the hospital...and the police station.”

Valentine answered again. “As I told you I had no idea my brother had kidnapped you when they first brought you in, when I realised it was too late to kill you and make it look like an accident. So I tried to figure out how much you remembered, if you had answered wrong then I would have took my chances and killed you, but you didn’t. So I kept tabs and your idiotic friend thought I was trying to help and was feeding me information.”

Ash growled. “Fuck you.”

Valentine didn’t dignify the response by answering, instead he added with the air of someone who had a rapt captive audience. Andy could hear pacing and imagined the doctor walking back and forth like he was giving a lecture, when in fact he was giving a sick speech about how he was an insane serial killer. “When you started to remember Thomas, I thought all was lost but once again your self loathing was so much that I managed to convince you how it was your fault. I scheduled you for sessions with a therapist who I knew wouldn’t help and that was that.”

Langforth took over adding his own part, for all his words about being caught he sounded proud more than scared. “I took over Thomas's case, what better way to cover his tracks and mess up the trail than to be the lead detective and back at the police station you gave us what we needed to show you wanted what happened to you. You never stood a chance once Thomas got you, he’s broken people far stronger in less time. He may have been a screw up in most things but he was good at hurting people, two tours in Iraq first a sniper than a lead interrogator until he failed the psych test at the start of his third tour.”

“You done...with your...fucking monologue?” Andy’s breath hitched at the sound of Ash’s weak voice.

“Yes, I think you two have revealed enough.” Before Andy could completely process what Master had said, there was a sickening crack and squelching sound, then a heavy thud on the hard floor.

“P-put down the crowbar? What have you done Thomas?” Andy’s eyebrows furrowed at the shocked and slightly panicked tone of his former Doctor. _What was going on?_

“Doing things my way. Say hello to Father for me.” There was another sound like the one before, the sound of what Andy realized was metal hitting flesh and bone. Once there was a thump like before, Andy flinched at the sharp sound of metal clanging against the cement. Other than the sound of heavy breathing, all was silent.

“You killed...your own brother? ...Fucking...sicko.” Ash groaned in pain after getting his words out, causing Andy to worry even more.

“I’m going to kill you too.” Master said startlingly calm for someone who had just killed his friend and his brother. Andy stiffened at Master’s tone It was just the three of them now and that had Andy more terrified than anything. Langforth and Valentine had just planned on killing them. Master would kill them, but what he did in the meantime would be worse. Of that Andy was sure.

Andy shifted, his knees hurt from contact with the cold hard ground and he couldn’t help but groan as the gunshot in his stomach was aggravated. Master noticed. “Don’t worry my pet, I didn’t forget you.”

Andy heard footsteps come closer and tried to struggle to his feet. He managed to stand just as Master stopped in front of him and even though he couldn’t see the other man, he could sense his presence, could smell his scent. After months being held captive by him he didn’t need to see to know every facet of his captor.

That was how he knew Master was holding a gun and trying anything at that moment would only result in one or both of them being injured worse or killed. Ashley was either too pissed and in pain to hold back or truly didn’t understand how crazy the guy holding them captive was. In any case he started yelling. “Don’t you fucking touch him! If you--”

“Quiet Ash.” Andy tried to keep his voice steady but it was hard. He felt fingers lightly touching the wound to his abdomen and hissed in pain as one of them probed too hard. His shirt was soaked with blood by now as was the top of his jeans.

Ash, was still yelling but for now Master was ignoring him. Andy wished he would be quiet. He could take himself being hurt, but Ash was already injured and Andy knew it wouldn’t take much for Master to decide to finish him off.

“I know you hurt but I’m going to fix you up. You’ll be as good as new.” Master leaned closer and Andy felt a hand slip under his shirt and had to force himself not to lean away from the other man’s touch. “Why don’t you take off your shirt so I can get a better look?”

Andy had no choice, carefully he started to peel his blood soaked shirt off, and before he had even got it halfway up. Ash gave an incoherent yell and Andy heard him attempt to stand. He must have come closer because Master pivoted away for just a moment and there was the sound someone being kicked.

“You tell this piece of shit you call your _boyfriend_ to stay where he is, or I’ll kill him now.”

His eyes burned and Andy didn’t speak at first. He started as he heard another kick and a gun being cocked. He knew the weapon wasn’t aimed at him. Master ordered again. “Tell him!”

“Ash--pl--please, just--it’s okay.” It wasn’t okay, but he prayed Ash wouldn’t try anything else.

There was heavy breathing for a moment then Ash gritted out sounding like he was in agony but trying not to show it. “Okay.” He took a deep breath and then added. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine, I--”

He broke off again and heard another kick. This time Ash whimpered, he didn’t speak again but Andy could still hear his labored breathing. Instead Master spoke. “You speak when I say you can. You both do. I control this all. Me!”

Then he was back in front of Andy and Andy knew what he wanted. Carefully he maneuvered his shirt off, hissing at the cloth pulled away from the sticky wound. Master’s rough hands played across his chest, before pulling him closer into a kiss. Andy kissed him back, opening his mouth as he felt Master’s probing tongue at his lips. He wanted to gag, tears were running down his face, and he could tell by the muffled noises that Ash was making that he was watching every moment.

But this was the only way they both lived.

Andy thought Master might be distracted enough that he could grab the gun, but before he could do so the man was pulling back. Gently a finger caressed the side of his face. “I knew you still wanted me. I knew you still loved me.”

There was rustling and then the clank of chains. “I have handcuffs here, but I don’t need these. You’re not going to do anything stupid are you?”

Andy swallowed thickly and shook his head.

“Good, because you know what I’ll do if you do? I’ll rape that fag boyfriend of yours and make you listen as he bleeds to death.”

“I’m--I’m not going to do anything.” Andy said, being careful to keep his attention focused on Master like he wasn’t listening to Ash moan and dying inside at each little sound.

Master walked a few steps away and Andy heard him grabbing stuff. He didn’t dare speak to Ash though. Instead he stood in silence, trying to figure out how they could escape. Their options were becoming even more limited. He didn’t have a weapon on him, he didn’t-- Andy stopped and carefully slipped a hand into his back pocket as he felt a bulge there.

A familiar pattern of plastic and rubber met his fingers and Andy almost cried out in excitement as he realised he had his cellphone. Master was coming back and Andy wasn’t even sure his phone was on, but he didn’t have time to check. Instead he pressed two buttons, he muted his volume and pressed the speed dial for the last number in his phone. It was all he could do before Master was back and Andy didn’t dare move again for fear the man would realize what he had done and retaliate against Ash.

“Follow me.” Andy took a few steps in Master’s direction, following the sound of the man’s footsteps. He couldn’t help sneaking a glance reflexively in Ash’s direction even though he knew he couldn’t see anything. He mouthed “It’s going to be okay” and pointed toward his back pocket but he had no way of knowing whether Ash had seen and understood what he was saying.

Master made Andy lie down on some sort of table, it was cold and hard. But that discomfort was nothing compared to the agony as Master began cleaning his wound. Andy tried to be quiet and still as the other man wiped away the blood, but when he poured some sort of antiseptic on the bullet hole Andy yelled. His entire abdomen felt like it was on fire, he tried to move but Master’s hand was on his chest pushing him down and Andy was too weak to resist.

“It’s okay my pet, I need to clean this.” Master was speaking conversationally, Andy tried to catch his breath as he felt the stream of antiseptic stop, but Master wasn’t done. He dabbed at the area with some sort of gauze, and then Andy felt him rub a little harder almost intentionally. His screaming had worried Ash and Andy heard him yelling in the background, he could tell the noise was making Master angry again.

Andy found himself wishing Ash would just fall unconscious, then he wouldn’t be yelling and making Master angry. And then almost as soon as he had the thought Andy felt disgusted with himself, he could feel himself slipping back into the old patterns. _Please Master. DO what Master says, then you won’t get hurt._ And the thoughts terrified him.

“Sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love to help them. To teach them the right way...You deserve this pain you know...for disobeying.” That was all the warning Andy got before Master poured another stinging stream on his wound. This time Andy managed to suppress the urge to yell out. He bit into his lip tasting blood in his mouth as Master finished roughly bandaging him up.

He was breathing hard by the end but at least most of the bleeding had stopped. At Master’s order he stood up and nearly passed out but he clung to consciousness trying to hold out.

If the call had gone through, then the police would be coming. They could trace a cellphone call right? But it was all a bunch of ifs...had his phone been on...Had the call gone through to Jinxx?

By the time they walked back to Ashley, Andy could tell he was in a bad way. He was breathing heavily and had stopped yelling. He wasn’t even groaning for the most part, Andy wondered was he still conscious.

Master stopped and Andy stood at his side wondering what was going to happen next. He didn’t have to wait long. “We still have a chance to get away my pet. No one knows we’re here, once I kill him we’ll leave and--”

Andy lost it at that, he didn’t dare attack master directly, but he had to protect Ash. He moved in front of Ash so he was standing between him and Master. “Please, you don’t have to kill him. We can just leave. Ash--he can’t run, he--”

Andy stumbled backwards as a hand slapped him. His head was reeling with pain but he felt a little better as he heard Ash weakly groan. “Leave him alone, kill me but--”

“No!” Andy screamed the word, talking over Ash. He was begging and pleading, his half yelled words drowning out Ash’s. Then a gunshot rent the air. Andy felt his heart stop, as the sound startled them both into silence. It took Andy a few seconds to realise Master had shot into the air and not at either of them, by then his chest was hammering.

“This is _so_ touching.” Andy’s arm was grabbed and Master yanked him forward. “I was only going to kill him, but now I see you were lying to me. You still haven’t learned. So, I’m going to teach you again. You’re mine pet.” There was the rustle of a belt being undone and Andy felt bile in his throat as Master continued. “I’m going to fuck him until he’s begging to die and then I’m going to kill him.”

Andy was frozen he felt helpless. If he intervened then Master would kill Ash anyway and if he didn’t Ash was still going to die.

Ash was trying to resist, Andy could hear him screaming and trying to struggle. He didn’t have to see to know what was happening. Master would be forcing his pants down then turning Ash over so he could have his way with him. Ash’s voice sounded muffled now and Andy could tell it was half pain and half tears as he tried and failed to stop what was happening.

Andy couldn’t stand listening any longer. He didn’t want to, in fact he almost would have rather died than do what he was about to but for Ash he was willing to do anything.

“No.” He forced his voice to sound indignant and wanting. “I’m yours Master. Have me.”

There was a hitch in his captor’s voice and he could tell he had gotten his attention, so he continued. ”Fuck me Master, I’m yours.” He let his tongue play over his lips and drifted his hand down to lazily pop the button on his jeans.

“Okay, anything for you my pet.” Andy heard Ash cry out as Master moved and had to resist the urge to go to him. “Before we get started I’m going to tie up this piece of trash so he doesn’t disturb us.”

Andy nodded, forcing himself to be still as he listened to Master gag Ash. It drowned out his yells, but Andy could still hear him crying.

Then Master’s hands were on his hips. A tongue licked a trail down Andy’s neck. “Now where were we.”

Andy leaned forward grinding his groin against his captor’s, knowing he had to put on a good performance, anything to stall for time. And yet he couldn’t bear to have Ash watch what he was going to have to do. “Let’s go somewhere else so that-- that--fag-- isn’t watching us.” He nipped Master’s chin and added lightly. “I want it to be just us.”

Master appeared to consider that for a moment then shook his head, kissing Andy’s neck before saying. “No let him watch, let him know who you love.”

Master hooked his fingers in one of the belt loops on Andy’s jeans and Andy started as he felt Master’s other hand drift perilously close to the still hidden cellphone. Hurriedly he started to unzip his jeans, all the while kissing Master to distract him. Andy got his boxers and pants down in one go and kicked them away so Master wouldn’t notice the phone.

His breath hitched as he felt Master’s calloused hand grab his flaccid penis, gently stroking it. He tried to focus on Master and pleasing him, almost slipping back into the mindset from when he was captured the first time. Andy let out a whimper when he felt teeth scrape against the base of his neck, followed by Master licking a wet trail back up his neck.

Andy forced himself to reciprocate, kissing Master’s lips, sucking on his bottom one. He slipped his tongue in the man’s mouth tasting the sour taste of old beer and cigarettes. With his other hand he reached out cupping the firm swell of Master’s ass. He pressed forward grinding into the hardened penis he could feel in front of him. He was trying to make it easier for himself by pretending it was Ash he was pressed against and the warm hand he could feel caressing him was the person he loved. And yet he couldn’t hold onto the illusion, he knew it was Master. His mind knew and his body, against his will he could feel months of conditioning kicking in and his body responding to the sensations. His mind couldn’t even resist, he didn’t want Master touching him and yet another part of him was whispering, this was right, this was okay...he should want this.

Part of him was aware that Ash was watching from somewhere behind him. Andy knew he should feel more disgusted with himself for what he was doing, but it was all he could do keep those whispering voices at bay telling him he should enjoy this and it was okay. He didn’t know how Ash could or would even want to forgive him in the end. If they survived this, that was. When he came out of his thoughts, Andy found himself still in the nightmare.

There was a hand still stroking his now hard erection, causing little whimpers to escape his lips every now and again. The other hand, Andy noticed, was massaging one of his ass cheeks. Master’s voice was deep and thick with desire as he ordered. “Get down on your knees for me pet. Show how much you love me.”

Andy didn’t even think about it and dropped down, mindlessly following the order. His knees contacted with the cool hard floor, but even that stinging pain didn’t take him back to reality. _Love Master. Please Master. Do what he said, and then he wouldn’t be hurt._

He was in his own personal hell and there was no escaping it. “Open those pretty little lips for me.”

Andy tried to moisten his mouth which felt dry, he didn’t even get a chance to prepare himself before thick musky flesh was shoving itself into his mouth. He choked on the length and had to force away the urge to close his mouth. A hand gripped his jaw, “Bite down and you’ll be sorry.”

_But Andy had no intention of biting down, because this was Master. And he wouldn’t hurt Master._

Someone was making a muffled whimpering sound behind him, and Andy felt like he should know who it was. But it really wasn’t important because he could tell Master was getting impatient. So, Andy moved his lips and tongue, sucking and licking, using his hands to provide extra stimulation. He could tell Master liked it, but apparently the sensation wasn’t enough because Andy started as he felt a hand grip his hair. That was all the warning he got before Master thrusted forward and Andy gagged as more of the length went into his mouth. He could feel it touching past the back of his throat, and it hurt and had him gagging but Master didn’t seem to care. He pushed in and out holding Andy’s hair to make his head stay in place.

Moments passed like that and Andy felt himself growing sicker by the minute. Finally, Master pulled away leaving Andy gasping for air and dry heaving. Master hadn’t came, and Andy was confused what was next. He tried to focus on why he was doing this... _Ash, it was for Ash….except Ash wasn’t important, Master was…_

Before he could sort out his jumbled thoughts, words tumbled out, born from memories of the pain he had endured when his captor wasn’t satisfied. “Let me--let me finish you. I promise I’ll be good. I promise--” Andy’s half choked apologies had  more whimpers coming from somewhere behind him and then Master’s hand was touching his cheek.

“I know you will pet. But I didn’t want to finish too quick….this is our first time back together it needs to be special.”

Andy nodded. He tried to catch his breath as he heard Master walk away for a few seconds then come back. There was a rush of air as a blanket laid out and then Master was grabbing his arm. “Get on here.” Andy crawled onto the blanket, it was scratchy but at least it was more comfortable than the floor.

He wasn’t sure what was planned next but in any case it wasn’t like he had a choice. Master cupped his buttocks with one firm calloused hand. “So fucking ready for me aren’t you? Can’t wait to get me inside of you?”

Andy nodded obediently, biting his lip. This all felt wrong, he could feel Master touching him, running his hands across his body, stroking his penis until Andy was painfully hard at the man’s touch. But he could also hear Ash’s moans in the background. His skin burned with shame, and his eyes stung but a sharp slap brought him back to reality.

This was Master he had to obey him no matter what. “Get on your back, spread those legs out.”

Andy maneuvered into the position Master indicated. He felt vulnerable, it was easier to fight back this way, to stop Master at least temporarily from taking what Andy didn’t want to give. But in the end that would only make things worse. Master leaned in for a kiss, his body hovering over Andy’s as he positioned himself between his legs, the other man’s lips were sloppy against his own. Andy kissed him back, running his hands down his chest, reaching down to stroke his hardened penis.

Everything was becoming twisted in his mind, Ash...Master. He was doing this for Ash...and yet more than half the reason was because Master wanted him to. “I love you pet.” Master’s voice was quiet in his ears. “And I want us to be together but I need to know you love me too.”

“I do” Andy choked out the words.

“Then say it, tell me.”

Andy opened his mouth to speak and it occurred to him that he hadn’t even said to Ash what he was about to say. “I-I love you.”His insides twisted with an unfamiliar feeling. A cacophony of emotions joined in, making him feel queasy.

“There, that wasn’t so hard, now was it? You’re mine. Don’t you ever forget that.” Andy nodded in Master’s direction in reply.

There was a grunt a moment later as the man got himself lined up. Master adjusted Andy’s legs, moving them so that his knees were pressed against his chest and then he was pushing in without warning and without lube. _It hurt_. Andy let out a whimper and started as a hand caressed the side of his face.

“Don’t worry, my Pet. You’ll feel better soon. You’re doing so well.” Andy’s heart jumped at the last part. Master had given him a compliment. He had done something right. After having given that compliment, the man started to pull out most of the way hesitating once it was just the tip left inside Andy.

Master slammed back into Andy, causing him to let out a bitten off scream. He clenched the scratchy blanket tightly in his fists.

_I deserve this._

Andy knew he deserved this. He had betrayed Master. There was also a small part of him that recognized that he’d betrayed Ashley too, but his conditioning had started to push those thoughts to the back of his mind as he focused on pleasing Master.

He was brought back to the situation when a hand firmly grasped his erection and started to stroke him as the man above him slammed into him repeatedly. The hand on his erection had Andy’s back arching, whimpers and moans spilling from his lips. Already he could feel the tell-tale build up of pleasure in his groin. It wouldn’t be long and he’d explode.

Master was breathing hard and grunting as he kept up his brutal pace. The hand was still pumping Andy’s erection as the seconds ticked by, and Andy knew it wouldn’t be long before he climaxed. He could feel the orgasm building and before long, he was involuntarily arching his back, grunting as he came spilling his seed between them.

Master’s hand disappeared from his erection, instead bracing against Andy to steady Master With shame Andy realized he had came before Master. Back when he was still with Master in his basement, Andy would have been punished for coming before he did. His heart beat with trepidation at the thought of being punished again.

Master didn’t seem to care as much about punishing him though as he did finishing himself. He grunted out the words in between thrusts. “I should punish you for finishing so quick, but I’m not. You just made it worse for yourself because we’re not done until I am.”

Andy knew what that meant, usually if he came first (after he was punished) he would suck Master off to finish him, sometimes though if Master was particularly angry he would continue pounding into him  until Andy’s arousal had long faded and there was only pain.

Master picked up the pace, thrusting in and out. He wasn’t being gentle. Andy could feel himself tearing as Master sank the entire length of his shaft in before pulling back and repeating. He was slamming into him with such force that Andy could feel his body sliding a little on the blanket.

He wanted to scream but he bit his lips. _I deserve this._ He felt something warm start oozing out of his bottom and almost sighed with relief thinking for a moment Master had came and this was all over. Then his stomach twisted as he smelt the sickening odour of copper and realised it was blood. He had mostly been able to ignore the pain of the gunshot wound too, because he was so worked up, but now everything was magnified. _He didn’t just hurt, it was agony._

“Please--” He was crying now, tears running down his face. “I’ll be good. I won’t disobey ever again.”

His plea went ignored as Master kept pounding into him painfully. Andy was filled with relief a few moments later when Master moaned and started to slow his pace down. Had he not been bleeding already, Andy would have felt the warm liquid of Master’s semen filling him. All he could think about was pleasing Master so that he wouldn’t be punished again. Andy forced himself to be still as Master grunted finishing in a few shaky thrusts.

“I love you but there’s one thing we need to finish up before we can be together. And I want you to be the one to do it. Stand up.” Andy felt the man slip out and get off of him completely.

Andy’s legs were shaky as he tried to blindly climb to his feet. Not only that, but he hurt, hurt worse than he could remember. Andy smelled like sex and blood and Master’s sweat. Semen and blood was dripping down his legs and the wound in his stomach was bleeding too, trickles of blood leaked out from under the bandage. Still, he felt a little more sure of himself, as Master had made no mention of punishing him further. Then the cold hard metal of a gun was pushed into his hands.

“I need you to shoot this Cocksucking piece of shit over here. Kill him and we can be together, my Beloved Pet.” Andy’s heart leapt into his chest, the gun felt heavy in his hands. He didn’t want to kill, but he was Master’s Beloved Pet. He could do this for Master couldn’t he?

So focused on pleasing Master, Andy felt himself nod almost involuntarily. “Good pet. Now follow me.” He felt himself being guided to a spot not too far away. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Andy could hardly believe what was going on at that moment, but he had to focus on what Master wanted him to do.

He felt a hand position over his. Another hand was on his shoulder pushing him down and Andy started as he heard a whimper. The gun wavered in his hands as he recognised Ash’s muffled voice. But Master’s voice was there pulling Andy from his reverie. “It’s simple. Put the gun to his head and pull the trigger.”

Andy nodded, he could do this. His hands shook as he forced them to move pressing the muzzle of the weapon to Ash’s forehead as Master guided his hands.

His finger tightened on the trigger, Andy felt Master move away no doubt waiting for the shot to ring out. That was when Ash spoke, he must have worked the gag out of his mouth, but his voice still sounded muffled like he was choking on something. “Stop you don’t--”

“Kill him.” Master’s voice rang out ordering him again. Andy’s hand trembled more, but Ash was speaking again.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“Kill him.” Andy’s finger tightened on the trigger he was a hair’s breadth away from pulling it.

Ash was still speaking, in between choked breaths. “Whatever happens I love you, and none of this is your fault.”

Master was screaming, Andy was shaking so hard the gun was in danger of going off accidentally, And Ash--Ash was still speaking, providing Andy with an anchor when he needed it the most. “I--I remember the first time I saw you after everything happened. And all I could think about was how you might not make it and I never had actually told you how much you meant to me, but we got that time back so whatever you have to do now, I’m okay and if you pull the trigger now, I want you to know I forgive you.”

Ash sounded like he was struggling to breathe by the end and Andy could hear his breath gurgling as he gasped for air. But Ash’s words had got through to him. Andy whispered softly. “It’s going to be okay.” He didn’t know if Ash heard him or not but he didn’t have time to say anything else. He turned around aiming in the direction where he heard Master’s footsteps coming closer and he fired the gun.

It recoiled in his hand, as he kept his finger on the trigger. He heard a body thud and stood up walking towards the noise. Master was lying on the ground, Andy could hear him gasping for air, but he had no sympathy.

“You’re my pe--” Master never got to finish the last words. Andy pointed the gun down as best he could figure where Master’s chest would be and emptied the rest of the clip.

  
There was silence then, except for the wail of sirens in the distance and Ash’s labored breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGERS: Violent Rape, Homophobic slurs, Graphic Sex scene where a character has sex (rape) with another to prevent someone else from being hurt, Gunshots, Fear of Death, Swearing, Stockholm Syndrome, Serial Killers, Forced Oral Sex, Forced Anal Sex, Murder
> 
>  
> 
> CHAPTER SUMMARY:   
> Andy gets home to find Ash gone and Langforth at the apartment. Langforth tells him Ash is missing and they need Andy to come down to the station to see if he can be of any help with information they can use to find Ashley. Instead Langforth takes Andy to a warehouse. Andy hears "Master" is also there. Andy is thrown into a cage with Ash, who tells him Dr. Valentine is there. Andy tries to create a diversion for Ash to escape and get help and in the process is shot in the abdomen. Ashley fights back and is shot in the chest. Valentine (who is Master's half brother), Langforth and Master reveal that they started killing when they were kids and have continued as adults usually only killing 1-2 people a year together. Then, Langforth and Valentine want to kill Andy and Ash, Master disagrees and kills his half brother (Dr. Valentine) and Langforth. He then proceeds to kiss Andy (who initially resists but stops as Ash is threatened). Andy realises he has his phone and pocket dials the last number entered. Master bandages up Andy then says they should run away together but first he will kill Ashley. Andy protests. Masters gets angry thinking Andy loves Ash. Masters threatens to rape Ashley and then kill him, and starts to. Andy begs Master to have sex with him instead. Andy gives Master a blowjob, then Master rapes him with Andy not resisting so Ash won't be hurt. Afterwards Master gives Andy a gun and tells him to kill Ash (who is badly hurt), Andy puts the gun to Ashley's head and is about to kill him (because his conditioning has kicked in and he is following Master now). Ashley manages to break through, Andy turns the gun on Master and kills him instead.


	13. Chapter 13

Andy was shaking both from cold and the adrenalin running through his veins. He could faintly feel the blood and semen still running down his legs as he stood there gasping for air. His gunshot wound was also throbbing and the bandage was soaked through with blood. He stumbled over to where Ash, was suddenly exhausted. Ash was in a bad way, he was still conscious, but just barely. He moaned as Andy gently shifted him so he was supporting some of his weight and he wasn’t lying completely on the cold floor. He tried not to think about what it meant that Ash’s pants were off, or how far Master might have gone.

Ash was still handcuffed and Andy couldn’t do anything about that. Instead he felt along Ash’s chest trying to find out where he was shot.

Ash’s shirt was soaked through with blood and the floor underneath him had a sticky pool. Andy pressed his hand into the wound in Ash’s chest trying to stem the floor of blood and Ash groaned at the movement. “Hurts--” He mumbled, gurgling a little at the end. “ ‘s really hard to breath.”

The sirens were getting closer and hopefully there would be an ambulance coming but Andy didn’t know if Ash had that long. He leaned down kissing him as he cradled Ash in his arms heedless of his own pain. His mouth came back tasting of metal as he realised why Ash sounded like he was choking, his mouth was filled with blood.

“Think he must have h--hit a lung. I-- ” Ash gasped, and his words broke off his a gurgly cough.

Andy wiped away the dribble of blood he felt drip down Ash’s face and whispered. “Don’t talk okay?”

Andy started as he heard cars screeching to a halt. The sirens were loud now and Andy wondered if he should try to make it to the door so he could meet the police. However, he was pretty sure that his legs wouldn’t carry him anymore and secondly he wasn’t leaving Ash.

Metal screeched, doors slammed and someone was yelling. He heard the heavy trample of footsteps and then someone was saying “All clear.”

More shouts followed. “We need an ambulance in here.”

“There’s three bodies.”

“Secure the scene.”

Someone was moving towards them and Andy heard a familiar voice a few feet away. “Let me in”

“Sir we need to--”

“You can’t just walk in here like--”

There was more shouts and then Andy started again as he heard footsteps stop by him and crouch down. It was Jinxx. “Shit, I fucking  knew there was something off. I should have fucking gone with you upstairs tonight.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Fuck yes it is.” Jinxx paused and shouted. “Can one of you motherfuckers get the fucking paramedics over here now?! Fuck.”  

Jinxx was speaking again, sounding pissed and scared and a whole bunch of other emotions. “I got your call and almost didn’t answer. Jake and CC had come over and fucking CC was fooling around with me hiding shit and my fucking phone was lost and then I picked up and I heard everything and--we all heard what happened….I’m so sorry.”

Andy started to speak, he wanted to tell Jinxx it wasn’t his fault. After all that had happened Andy still felt more than half responsible, but the words he had been about to say fell silent as he felt someone start to pull Ash from his grasp.

He tried to fight back blindly, someone was speaking to him but his head was foggy and he couldn’t focus. “Andy, it’s just the paramedics let them take Ash.”

He didn’t want to let Ash go and especially not when he realised he had passed out in his arms. Jinxx gently pried his hands away and Andy reluctantly let the medical personnel transfer Ash to a stretcher.  
  


Jinxx swore and said.  “Fucking paramedics only brought one stretcher in, can you stand?”

Andy nodded but when he tried to, even with Jinxx’s help his legs collapsed beneath him. He gave a yelp of surprise as a moment later he felt an arm under his legs and one under his back and he was being picked up. A blanket was pulled over him and then Jinxx started to walk only to be stopped.

“Sir, we need to stabilize him first before we move him, you could cause --”

Jinxx practically growled. “Get out the fucking way. He’s not lying on this freezing floor a second longer because you forgot to bring in the proper equipment.”

The paramedic quailed under his tone. “Okay, sir well um--”

Jinxx didn’t wait to hear the rest. Andy felt close to passing out, but he couldn’t until he found out about Ash. “Where’s Ash?” he whispered, tiredly resting his head on Jinxx’s shoulder and feeling too tired to be embarrassed.

“It’s okay the paramedics moved him to an ambulance, I’m taking you to him.”

Andy relaxed a little at that but he had one last question. “Is he going to live?”

Jinxx didn’t answer for a few long moments, when he did he sounded like he was being careful. “He lost a lot of blood--I mean a lot…” he broke off because by that time they had reached the ambulance. Andy could hear commotion but he had no idea what was going on, Jinxx gently laid him down on a stretcher and then people were moving around him and poking and prodding him  but no one was telling him what was happening.

But he didn’t care about himself only about Ash. “Jinxx? Jinxx what’s happening now, what are they doing to him?”

“They’re putting a tube down his throat so he can breathe and--” Jinxx broke off.

And Andy heard someone yell. “Shit, I just lost a pulse. He’s in V-fib.”

“Start CPR...Shock him, grab the epi. Do we have an IV yet?”

“Use the IO, he’s lost too much blood he needs a bolus.”

“Okay start back CPR.”

“What’s going on?” Andy strained to sit up but he was strapped into the cart he was on, he yelled again needing to know. Tears were running down his face as he listened to the paramedics try to resuscitate Ashley.

A few more seconds passed and then someone was saying. “Fuck, I’ve got a carotid. Rhythm is--Sinus brady 50’s…”

There was more orders, and half yelled conversation between the paramedics, but Andy was still half panicking. “What’s happening?” Andy asked again.

This time Jinxx answered. “Shit--” His voice sounded shaky as he continued. “ I think his heart stopped, but---they got him back.”

Ash was alive-- _he was  alive. For now._ That was the last thought Andy before he passed out.

☽☀☾

Andy woke up to the beeping of monitors and a haze of medication. He laid there for a moment trying to process everything. What had happened came back to him all at once,   _Master--Ash--the warehouse_. He considered for a moment the reasoned he must be at a hospital.

He tried to call out for someone but his throat was too dry. After a moment he succeeded. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

There was silence, Andy could hear people out in what must have been the hall but nobody came. _He had to find Ash and make sure he was okay._

He knew from his previous hospital stay that evading the nurses was mostly as difficult as making sure all the beeps and alarms of the machines didn’t go off until you had snuck away to where you wanted to go. Andy wanted to rip every line out but instead he felt down carefully unscrewing the two IV’s he had in either arm, he let the fluid drip on the floor, knowing from experience the machine would continue merrily pumping away. Next he stretched upward, fumbling for the monitor. His fingers skimmed over the buttons until he found one shaped the right way, and he pressed the silence then ripped his heart leads off.

He had some sort of tube connected to a bulb trailing its way into his stomach and remembered he had been shot. He wasn’t sure but he figured it wasn't a good idea to remove that so he left it alone. After that there was just a catheter which he noted to his displeasure apparently the nurses had wasted no time in shoving up his dick.

It hurt like hell when the nurses had removed it the proper way last time and doubted if he would have a better experience yanking it out, so he left it alone also. Instead he grabbed the catheter bag and the tubing coming from his stomach in his hand. Then he was off to find Ash. He slipped into the hall, avoiding the nurses he could hear. His legs were very weak and he felt off balance and dizzy, but he had to find Ashley. He had no clear idea how he was going to find Ash and after a few minutes was exhausted, that was probably why he didn’t notice someone walking towards him.

He walked right into them and immediately tried to back pedal only to be stopped as someone reached out to steady him. “Whoa, you’re awake Andy? What the hell are you doing out of bed?” It was Jake.

Andy didn’t answer Jake’s question instead he whispered hoarsely. “Where’s Ash?”

“Andy you’re not supposed to be walking around, you just got out of surgery a few hours ago for Christ sakes!” Jake was still talking. “Fuck, Jinxx is going to kill me. You pulled off half the shit they put on you. I step out to get a cup of coffee and --”

Jake hadn’t answered his question and that had Andy thinking the worst. He shook off Jake’s hands nearly toppling as his drugged body overbalanced. “W-when did it happen?” His heart was racing and he could feel panic set in. “This is all my fault! I should have stayed with him.”

“Wait--what?”

Andy allowed himself to slip to the cold floor as his world came crashing down. “He...he’s gone...I can’t...There’s no way…” His eyes burned as tears came forth and harsh sobs wracked his thin frame. He was a complete mess on the floor.

Jake watched it all with a confused air at first. “What--? “ he started to say then it dawned on him. He couched down next to Andy trying to tell him, but Andy was crying too hard intermixed with comments blaming himself to hear. His words were somewhat slurred and it occurred to Jake that the pain meds they were pumping Andy with definitely weren’t helping his already precarious emotional state. Finally he managed to calm Andy down enough to say. “Ash is alive.”

The look on Andy’s face would have been comical if Jake hadn’t heard just what had happened to them back at the warehouse and what Andy had been forced to do to save them both. “He’s alive?”

“Yeah”

Andy looked like christmas had come early times a thousand. Jake guessed he should have expected it because normally Andy was quite touchy and now this high version of him was definitely more so. But he was still caught off guard when Andy reached out pulling him into a tight hug--a really tight hug (for someone with a gunshot wound and a whole bunch of other injuries)--awkwardly Jake hugged him back.

Andy’s next question had Jake freezing though. “Is Ash okay?” The doctors hadn’t been exactly clear on that. Ashley’s gunshot had torn through his chest, and then ricocheted around causing a lot of internal damage. They were giving him a little worse than a 50-50 chance. Jake swallowed, telling Andy all that wouldn’t make it any better, it would only make Andy worry more. And he was already badly injured himself. So Jake told a half truth. “He’s alive.” But he didn’t add the unspoken ‘but who knows for how long.’

Andy nodded his blind eyes staring unnervingly outward. His voice was solemn as he ordered. “Take me to him.”

Jake laughed against his will at that...Andy didn’t realise it but that  comment had sounded so very dramatic. Internally he chuckled again as he helped him stand and  Andy leaned on him steadily as they walked the rest of the way to Ash’s room.

Andy stepped into the room, and he heard an intake of breaths.

“Andy, you’re awake!” It was CC’s voice, sounding surprised and relieved. “We were so worried about you.”

Jinxx chimed in. “Jake why the hell is he walking? You were supposed to be watching him! He’s got half his lines ripped out and he--”

“He wanted to see Ash.” Jake said quietly. Jinxx shut up at that. Andy moved forward to where he heard quiet breathing. His fingers traced their way up the bed rails until he reached the top. Andy stretched out a hand feeling Ash’s face, the tube for breathing was gone but he had some sort of mask on his face for oxygen.

There was also a whole bunch of wires and tubes connected to him. Andy just wanted to be near him. Without thinking he fumbled to lower a bed rail and started to climb in.

“What is he doing?” CC asked from somewhere behind him. “He can’t just get in the hospital bed like that and--”

“Shut up.” Either Jake or Jinxx said but Andy wasn’t really paying attention. Instead he focused on settling next to Ash curled up against him in such way that he wouldn't disturb the tubes.

He could feel himself starting to fall asleep and reached out for Ash’s hand. Someone probably Jinxx tossed a blanket over them both.

“So how long do we let them stay there like this.”

“Until the asshole nurses come around raising a fuss.”

There was a quiet voice this time it was CC, he sounded a bit wistful. “I think he really loves him.”

“Which one?”

“Both.”

Andy couldn’t have agreed more, he grabbed Ash’s hand a little tighter and as he fell asleep he realised the fingers were holding his just as tight.


	14. Chapter 14

☽☾ **Epilogue** ☽☾

“We were going to charge you with Felony Assault of an officer which can possibly include up to three years in prison, a fine of up to $2000, and probation for up to 3 years. We’re deciding to lower the charge to a misdemeanor of simple assault which carries a fine of $1000 max and a maximum of 6 months in jail--”

“But--” Andy couldn’t keep silent at that. The prosecutor overtalked him however before he could get too much more worked up.

“Considering the true nature of Mr. Hopkins and Detective Langforth--”

“Fucking assholes--” Ash muttered under his breath, causing Andy to step on his toes. Ash might avoid jail time if he would just be quiet.

The prosecutor continued like he hadn’t heard even thouh Andy was sure he had. “--kidnapped you both and were planning on killing you--”

“Not to mention tortured us--”

“Ash!”

This time the prosecutor answered the muttered comment. “Yes taking those factors into consideration we’re giving you a $250 fine and 25 hours community service.”

“Awesome, I’m thrilled. Next time we get kidnapped and tortured by one of your officers maybe we’ll get jail time as a reward--”

Andy dragged him away as Ash was still trying to get a word in. Quickly he overtalked him directing his words to the prosecutor. “Thank you sir, I’m sorry he’s--.”

“Do not fucking apologize to that goddamn assho--”

Thankfully by that time Andy had dragged him from the prosecutor’s office. He frowned and would have glared at Ashley if he had been able to see him. “Seriously, Ash? You’re lucky you didn’t get any jail time or your fine increased.”

“They’re all a bunch of Dickwaffles.”

“Before I was kidnapped, I would have agreed and probably joined in, but now…” Andy hesitated, not wanting to admit to himself just how much he’d changed over the course of the last few months.

“Yeah. Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll try to ease up.” Andy smiled in Ashley’s general direction as Ash helped him down the steps of the court house. His smiled faded as he thought back to the changes. The guys hadn’t mentioned it, but he was sure they had noticed. Even he could tell. For one thing, Andy was much more subdued than he used to be, preferring to stay quiet when he could. The conditioning Ma...Hopkins had put him through was proving to be a real struggle to break.

“Thank you.. So now that that’s all cleared up, we can start getting plans together for a record.”

“Yeah. Jake and Jinxx have already started talking to Feldy. Now I just have to get through this community service bullshit.”

“You do the crime you do the...”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Biersack.” Andy grinned at the growl in Ash’s voice, feeling more upbeat than he had in a few weeks.

“Or what? What will you do to me, Purdy?” He felt Ash’s strong arms encircle his waist. There was still the noise of traffic in the background, but Andy didn’t care too much.

“I’ll have to take you to bed if you do.” Ashley’s lips met his in a quick kiss.

“Is that a promise?”

“You bet your ass it is.” Andy grinned at Ash for a moment before it slipped off of his face in thought.

They’d only been out of the Hospital for about three weeks after having both stayed in the hospital for around a full week. The hospital had warned Andy about his injuries, and that unfortunately he’d have to avoid sex for a number of weeks or months depending on how long it took the rectal tearing to heal. It wasn’t all bad, Andy thought, as he had decided to have fun with the nurses by constantly going against their orders and climbing into Ashley’s bed a few rooms down.

“You okay?” He was shaken out of his memories as he nodded in Ashley’s direction.

“Yeah just thinking. I’m okay, really.”

☽☀☾

~ 6 Months Later ~

“How long do I have to sit here?”

“However long it takes me to do your face paint, now shush.”

“We barely wear any, I just wanted to make sure that one scar is covered up.” Andy added. “Plus, I think you’re just using this as an excuse to make me look like a racoon.”

Ash chuckled at that. “You know me too well.” Abruptly he set the makeup he was using down and said. “And you look good to me just as you are.” He gently fingered the aicd burn scars around Andy’s eyes and the  scar on Andy’s cheek where he had gotten cut during their run in with Master and not even realised it until later at the hospital. Then he pressed a quick kiss to Andy’s lips. Or at least he tried to. Andy didn’t let him move away so easily, instead he reached upward, pulling Ash down as he didn’t let his lips break contact.

A minute later they broke apart, by then Ash had twined his fingers in Andy’s hair and put an arm around his waist pulling him closer. Andy could tell Ash was grinning.

Andy asked, “Okay, what was that for?”

“Do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend?”

“No, but that grin suggests I should be worried.”

“You really don’t trust me.”

Andy frowned half playful half serious. “Ash, you didn’t put me in another one of your weird T-shirts right? Or play some other prank on me?”

“Of course not.”

“Uh-huh, well I’m checking with Jinxx before we go on stage.”  

Ash spoke again and this time his voice was serious. “About being on stage….please don’t do anything crazy up there.”

“Like what?” Andy frowned at Ash’s abrupt change in demeanor and tone.

“Like jumping into the crowd or jumping off of a 15 foot pillar or going and talking to some fan without bodyguards or --”

Andy cut him off his heart sinking a bit as he realised what Ash was saying. Even though Ash hadn’t really talked about what had happened with Master Andy knew it had affected him. Andy had heard Master threaten to rape Ash and Ash screaming but he couldn’t actually see to know just how much had happened.  

“This is about Master right? You’re worried there’s someone else like him out there and he’s going to…” Andy trailed off. He could hear Ash breathing a little faster and even though he couldn’t see his face to see the anxiety in his expression, he could hear it in his voice. “Are--are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” But he didn’t sound like it.

So Andy broached the subject he had been trying to figure out how to talk about for the past few months. “Ash, I know he--touched-- you but did he do anything else?”

Ash took another deep breath before saying offhandedly. “I’m okay, he touched me yeah, but he didn’t--not really like he did to you.”

That wasn’t exactly a straightforward answer and Andy bit his lip wondering what, if anything, Ash was keeping back from him. He didn’t get a chance because Ash was continuing. “I’m just worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you and after everything you’ve endured I need you to be safe.”

Andy nodded leaning up to give Ash another quick kiss, when he pulled back he awkwardly rubbed his palm. There was one more thing he had wanted to say...and they hadn’t really discussed it, but for some reason he felt like he had to. Maybe it was pre-concert jitters but he blurted out. “About when I held that gun to your head.”

“Yeah?” Ash sounded wary.

“I didn’t want to but I felt like I had to, and --and I just worry what if there’s some part of Master in me and I’m being controlled and one day I’m going to...to…”

“Hey everything will be okay. I knew you wouldn’t shoot me. You’re not the kind of person could kill someone and be okay with it…” Ash reached out pulling Andy closer. “And if you could kill someone, I knew you wouldn’t kill me, no matter what that fucker said. So, even if you do have any ‘slip ups’ we’ll just cross that bridge when we get to it.” Ash pulled him up so they were pressed against each other and Ash’s hands gently pushed Andy’s unruly hair back from where it had fallen into his face. “Whatever happens we’re in this together.”

“That’s a promise?”

“You bet it is.” Ash kissed him again, sucking on his lips before teasing his mouth open and slipping his tongue in.

Andy kissed him back, speaking in between kisses. “We’re supposed--to be on--stage in five--minutes.”

“Yes, and?” Ash growled in Andy’s ear, before he playfully nipped his neck.

“And we have fans waiting--God, fuck Ashley I’m trying to-” Andy paused and just for a moment gave in increasing the friction between them as he felt Ash grind against him and start easing his pants down. “Trying to be an adult here.”

“Five minutes is plenty for what I have in mind, plus if it isn’t CC can keep the crowd busy for a moment or two.”

Andy was torn...so torn. In the end, his decision was made for him as abruptly the dressing room door popped open and someone poked their head in. “You guys ready--” Jake, Andy realized, stopped for a moment as he took in the scene and Andy felt his face redden slightly. It was a little awkward since Andy’s pants were partly down and Andy had one hand halfway in Ash’s pants.

Jake didn’t miss a beat after the first shock wore off. “So yeah, we’ve got about four or five minutes or so before show starts. Do I need to tell the guys we’re going to be late? Or are you two going to be able to separate yourselves for a hour and a half?”

Ash growled in response.

Jake was unfazed. “How about some actual words as an answer?”

Andy wanted to hear this answer himself. Ash spoke up,“Jake you’re a fucking Cockblocker man, how’s that for answer?”

“We’ll be there, Jake.” Andy added reasonably and gave Jake what he hoped was a reassuring smile in hopefully his direction.

Jake got in one last dig...and Andy knew it was just to play with Ash. “Dressed, I hope?” Andy snorted as he heard Jake yelp and a thud of something hitting the far wall.

“Was that really necessary Ash?” Andy gave Ash another kiss  and then regretfully stepped away from Ash so he could adjust himself.

“Yes, it definitely was. We ARE going to finish what we started later Mr. Biersack.”

“You going to rip my clothes off, or am I ripping yours off after the show?” Andy wiggled his eyes up and down in Ash’s direction.

“Whoever gets to it first.” Andy grinned as Ash leaned in and placed a kiss to his lips. “Let’s get this show started, shall we?” Ash continued so only Andy could hear. “Sooner we get this finished the sooner we can fuck.” Andy couldn’t have agreed more and he grinned as he followed Ash out.

Andy reached out holding Ash’s hand as they walked towards the stage. _Whatever happened they would be okay, they were in this together._

**End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. We hope you enjoyed reading as much as we enjoyed writing. We have many more BVB works (both as co-authors and individually) planned. Check out our profiles for other already published fics. And you can subscribe to us for updates when we post a new BVB work.
> 
> We'd love to hear reader's thoughts on this fic and to all who read, kudo'ed or commented. Thanks.
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> ~BethyLee, Infiniteworld8


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